Alternative weddings

[Potterurotter]

Hi all

Looking for some advice, I’m recently engaged and want to get married sooner rather than later, definitely in 2020.

It seems that there is quite big expectations that it will be an all day thing, set meal affair etc party at night.

It looks great but £££ and IMO I can’t stand all day things and the thought of guests waiting around and the structure of it all gives me hives. My ideal would be a quick registry/civil ceremony and meal out followed by great party.

Has anyone else does this? Did it work out ok? Is it ok to buck the norm??

We went to an Indian restaurant and had the place to ourselves for the afternoon.
They did a huge buffet of starters, then 6 different curries with sides etc.
Because it was a buffet and at a time they would not usually be open we got a really good price.
We could then make sure there was plenty of wine on the table.
Had a couple of local music teachers playing cello and keyboard in the background.
Was absolutely great... friends did flowers and cake.... no wedding favours or anything like that.

Can you look into hiring a pub? That’s what I’m planning to do. Even though I think I’d prefer registry followed by tea and cake and home by 6pm but OH said he wants a party...

I'm getting married at a registry office at 3pm straight to party venue for bbq and disco basically.
Family reunion with a marriage thrown in is how I'm planning it

Your wedding, your (& partner) choice

Why are you worrying about what people do/dont do?

We did registry office at 3 and then do in the church hall from 4.
Hired a bar and caterers who cleared up after so no faffing.
Guests had a choice of fish and chips or bbq served at 5:30.
It was brilliant. I definitely don’t see the need to do a whole day thing if you don’t want to.

We got engaged a year ago and have made precisely no plans because of all those expectations, complications etc etc etc.

Now in the same boat as you, want to make it happen this year and definitely prioritising a party over flowers, favours and fuss!

We're planning a registry office do late in the day, then trying to find a bar or pub which will either let us have a function room or even take over the whole venue. If we can walk there from the ceremony, so much the better.

It'll mean feeding people once rather than twice, and no need to dress the place as it will be atmospheric anyway. Depending on how flush we're feeling we may be able to cover the whole bar tab, and in my experience as long as guests are well fed and watered, and have somewhere to sit, they'll have a nice time.

So in short - I think your ideal sounds great!

I'm in the same boat as you so watching with interest.....we are even considering Vegas 😉

We got married in New York. No one else there. Perfect.

In my experience, people often love short, unconventional weddings — everyone’s been to at least one where there’s a church ceremony at two followed by a long period of boredom at the reception venue while the wedding party take endless photos, and the guests get tipsy and mutinous, then dinner and speeches, then room rejigging and dancing, then more food, and it can feel like a terrible slog.

I’ve loved friends’ weddings which were a ceremony immediately followed by a restaurant meal and that’s it, or a ceremony followed by afternoon tea and champagne and then home, or a beach picnic or barbecue in someone’s back garden. I used to regularly walkthrough a farm which hired out a field surrounded by woodland for weddings, which were usually of a mildly alternative type —yurt, bride in a sundress and wellingtons, street market vans for food, a campfire etc — and they always looked a total blast.

Am in the same boat. Can't stand the thought of the money, stress and organisation involved in planning a 'proper' wedding. It feels so overwhelming. I haven't even started planning because I can't decide what I want. Considered going abroad with a party once home.

Or perhaps something like you've suggested - ceremony then party. But our registry office is naff and there aren't many nice venues locally.

I love the idea of a tipi wedding for the chilled out vibe but apparently one of the most stressful to plan with outside catering, kitting out the tent, toilets and of course inclement weather!

Really don't know where to begin...

Could you do the legal bit separately in a very low-key way and then have some sort of ceremony with a celebrant or whatever at your venue, so it doesn't need a marriage license?

I've known one or two couples do this when their big party is abroad. They got legally married a week or so beforehand at their registry offices with just a few drinks after, and then still did the bride arriving, walking down the aisle bit at their celebrations, which were in the brides' home countries. I often think there's something quite moving and romantic about the official bit being this functional civic thing - genuinely makes it about the marriage, not the wedding - and then it means the bit at the party can be absolutely tailored to what you want, with friends and family involved if you wish, etc?

We didn't do a "proper" structured wedding. We did do a traditional church service but followed it with a garden party. Very loose guest list, free bar and loads of stuff for children to do. We provided a field for those that wanted to camp to save money. It was very popular.

We got married at the registry office at three and then went for food at a local pub - we only had 20 guests so it was all nice and low-key (and cheap too!). It was a great day ☺️