Delay wedding further after birth

[LoveTrees]

I'm due to get married in early May 2020 but I've recently discovered I'm pregnant, and am due 10 days before the wedding! Obviously we have to postpone the wedding, but how long for? Is a month enough time to recover from the birth, or would 2 or 3 months be better? I'd still like to get married in summer 2020!

I’d say 3 months at least. I got married 9 months after I had my DD and if I’m honest I wouldn’t have wanted to do it sooner so I’d suggest delaying it to the following year but if you really want to do it next year I’d go for 3 months. At a month you could still be bleeding and your body will be recovering

It's a case of balancing how much you want to get married that summer vs how much you want to feel 'back to normal'. Having given birth twice, I really only felt physically back to normal about a year after. So if I was having a big wedding I'd postpone for a pretty long time. However I'd prefer a small wedding anyway in which case I would not care as much!

...an autumn wedding would be nice?

I’m going against the grain and saying six weeks. Enough time to get over it physically but not so long the new way of life has dragged you down.
The baby will still be a novelty for everyone and the sleep routine won’t be an issue at such an early age.

Hmm I'm a bit mixed, I have a 12 week old and whilst I would physically feel ok to do it now, (I had an easy birth and recovered quickly) I don't think I could have managed all the last minute prep, dress alterations, fixing things that don't go to plan etc as well as recovering and getting baby and I into a routine and getting back to exercise etc. On that basis to do both (and not be stressed) I'd prob say 6 months and opt for September wedding -and baby can be left with grandma for the night by then too... xx

Oh and consider whether your breast or bottle feeding as the former puts you at babies beck and call for at least first 4/6 weeks x

Can you bring it forwards and do it whilst pregnant?

I got married when ds was 3 months old. In some ways it was great, I had a lot of time on my hands to finalise stuff. On the other hand it made buying a dress very difficult. If I was to do it again I'd leave it to 6 months after birth I think.

It depends on what you want from a wedding. I wouldn’t even consider anything before 8 weeks because the first 6 weeks of breastfeeding can be tough and you don’t want to try to add pumping into that mix.

I really wouldn’t want to have a wedding before 6 months though. I would be very stressed about finding a dress when size can be so unpredictable.

What @Purpleartichoke said.

What are your motivations for getting married? If you care more about marriage than the wedding itself, it doesn't matter much.

If you are invested in how you look, having a big party, being able to drink and dance - I'd delay until following summer when baby is one.

It's impossible to tell beforehand what sort of baby you'll have, how you'll recover after birth, how stressful or demanding you'll find the experience - but I wouldn't underestimate it!

I was still bleeding 6 weeks after my second dc, I was still trying to establish breastfeeding, my c section scar still hurt and I felt huge! I couldn't have faced attending anyone's wedding, let alone my own!

There's so much to finalise in those last few weeks behind your wedding, the stress would be way too much.

I'd give it 3-6 months at least!

I got married 3.5 months after having ds. It was a lovely, lovely wedding, but a lot would depend on what kind of wedding you want. I bought my dress on eBay for very little money (twice actually, as I lost weight more quickly than I expected), and I was happy to work around breastfeeding during the day etc. But I can understand that wouldn't be for everyone.

I paid a trusted colleague to be my babysitter for the day (so as not to inconvenienece a friend or family member who wanted to enjoy the wedding!) so I didn't have to mind the baby constantly, although he was present. We stayed in a hotel very close to our reception venue, so I brought the baby back to our room at his bed time and fed him to sleep, and my colleague stayed with him while I had several more hours at our wedding.

I honestly loved our wedding, but making proper childcare arrangements, and not being too fussed about having a very well fitting dress were pretty key!

Thanks everybody, this is very helpful advice - it's my first DC so I have no idea what to expect. DP and I like the idea of being able to introduce our baby to all of our friends and family (half of which are coming from abroad), so that's why we want the wedding to be (relatively soon) after rather than before the birth. It's a fairly big wedding in terms of the number of guests, but we've planned it to be relaxed, casual and relatively low cost. I bought my wedding dress online for peanuts, so I don't mind having to buy another one, though I appreciate that sizing will be tricky!

@simplekindoflife ah yes the bleeding..10 weeks for me...and lactating- breast pads in your dress op...?

A month?? I would suggest postponing it till 2021 if possible. Bleeding can last longer than 6 weeks (and you don’t want the risk of blood stains on your dress), sleep deprivation, physical pain (in my case, from sciatica that meant I couldn’t walk properly or sit up for over three weeks when my baby was 2 months old), possibility of breastmilk spillages (pads don’t mean a thing some days), intensity of breastfeeding or even bottle feeding (depending on whether you have plenty of support coming to help), possible PND (in my case, delayed onset), dealing with a screaming baby with a colic or reflux is very common too in the first three months.

My personal experience is this - physically I bounced back quickly and was in normal size within weeks etc so in theory I could have done it... except that I just couldn’t have. For whatever reason little things seemed so much bigger after I gave birth. For the first week or so I had to give my phone to DH because I found the midwives and Health Visitors phoning to arrange when they would come around incredibly stressful. I couldn’t cope with people trying to arrange when to come and see me and just wanted to lie in silence for a bit to catch my breath. Doing the last bit of prep for a wedding would have been far, far too much .

Earlier is kind of better for a baby in the sense that they won’t care if it’s loud and they’ll sleep in your arms or the arms of a grandparent. A baby a few months older will need more help getting to sleep and will be awake and irritable more than asleep. They won’t like the noise and the crowds of people. A group of 5 or 6 can seem daunting to a 4,5 month old... a huge wedding would be pretty horrible for a lot of babies unless they can just be kept on you in a sling for most of it, which you may not want to do at your own wedding.

I’d do the wedding a month or two after and make it much smaller and lower key or I’d plan it for a year later.

I think what it boils down to is that it might be ok and it might not, you can't tell now.

Even if your experience with the baby is super easy, you should enjoy both wedding and baby but doing both at the same time might be stressful so you miss out the upsides of both!