I've posted something about elopment on AIBU but wanted to get my sob story out here and see if I am just being a selfish dickhead.
Got engaged in April, this is the second time around for me, first for fiance. Small wedding (family and 6 friends) and meal booked for June with a party the same night.
We booked everything fairly quickly and local and I've never quite been 100% happy with it.
Our families are both a nightmare which has really been stressing me out. My dad has been with his partner for 10 years, I can't stand being in the same room as the woman. My mum is very snipey towards her and does nothing to shield me from it, even on my previous wedding day. I've also been having a lot of "should" conversations with my mother - I should do this and should do that. She invited a bunch of her friends to the party, meaning I had to scale back my own guest list, while continuing to tell me about who I "should" invite. My family are all in Scotland and, barring my parents and brother, none of them will come down.
Fiances parents just as bad. Lots and lots of bad blood - they've not been in the same room for many years. Stepmum is loud and drinks heavily, gets louder and very inappropriate and embarrasing. He's lucky enough to have 3 grandparents left who all apparently hate each other, but I've never seen them all in one room.
His mum actually berated my future sister in law for not inviting her dress shopping.
There's a big festival on that weekend (take a wild guess haha!) and a lot of my friends will be going to that instead.
All these things combined means that, apart from actually marrying the man of my dreams, I am dreading every single part of it. It feels like it's all for everyone elses benefit, even though I know they will bitch and moan about being near each other. I absolutely do not want to spend 4 hours in a room where 80% of the people hate each other.
I can't stop thinking about eloping. We're thinking that the grief of running off and doing it will be less than the grief, and potential dramatics, on the day.
I've mentioned it to my (very traditional) dad who has been surprisingly supportive - our mothers will be another story.
I literally just want to marry him, without pomp and ceremony. I tried that before and got divorced shortly after!
In summary -
Am I being a dickhead?
Am I denying DP a wedding? (For context, the man shies away from attention at every opportunity. So laid back he's horizontal).
If we do elope, do we tell them first?
Whyyy does it have to be so hard