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Original poster

Secret 2 witness wedding and no traditional wedding reception....

21 replies

Amibeingsensitive · 09/09/2019 21:06

Would really like your honest opinion please on this

Thinking of getting married in registry office in secret apart from the two witnesses. Then say a week later send out invites/e vites to everyone to invite them to a night out just to have a drink and a dance like your typical night out really instead of a sit down traditional reception.

It's very low key, casual l, stress free and well won't cost much.

I'm thinking a glorified night out will suit the low key marriage in a reception with two witnesses?

My parents aren't alive anymore but my stbh parents are still about but he says they won't mind seeing us actually get married.

We literally aren't going to tell anyone apart from the two mandatory witnesses. No one will know we've got hitched till they get an invite saying we've got married come and celebrate with us at such and such bar name at 9pm.

Is this the worst idea ever?

Should we do the traditional wedding & reception? Would you be mortified to receive an invite like that and what would you think of the couple?

OP posts:

Grobagsforever · 09/09/2019 21:07

I couldn't care less, I support my friends marriages, not their weddings

Coldfeetinsummer · 09/09/2019 21:07

Do it. I’d be thrilled for you and look forward to coming to wish you well and celebrate

inwood · 09/09/2019 21:09

I think it's a great idea

Sooverthemill · 09/09/2019 21:09

I did that. It was fine and no one minded.

TequilaMockingbird0 · 09/09/2019 21:09

I'd be really happy for you, and assuming I could make the evening despite the relatively short notice, I'd be there to celebrate!

Hidingtonothing · 09/09/2019 21:13

It's pretty much what we did, 2 witnesses from work at the register office and then a pub lunch! Both sets of parents knew the day before but understood our reasons and wished us well. Family and friends are very scattered geographically so we sort of had a series of small celebrations as and when we managed to see people rather than one night out but it worked fine for us. No regrets, been married 15 years now and would still do the same given our time again, do what makes you happy

emilybrontescorsett · 09/09/2019 21:14

I 'd be really happy for you and would love to go on the night out if I was your friend.
The ceremony with 2 guests sounds like a fantastic idea.

Pepperama · 09/09/2019 21:23

I would much prefer to celebrate with you in a more casual venue. I don’t enjoy worrying about dresses and hair dos and all that so I’d be tremendously grateful to you!

Ragwort · 09/09/2019 21:27

Great idea, do it .

TheBrockmans · 09/09/2019 21:27

I might ask his parents to be the two witnesses but otherwise that plan wouldn't bother me as a friend or family member.

Original poster

Amibeingsensitive · 09/09/2019 21:43

Thanks everyone we probably will go for that idea. Was going down the traditional route and I thought omg this is too stressful 😱

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 09/09/2019 22:02

I think it's a nice idea but your dh's to be parents should be told beforehand I think, as should any children. That's just polite.

Original poster

Amibeingsensitive · 09/09/2019 22:06

Children will be attending as well as the two witnesses. Stbh really doesn't seem bothered if his parents are there and I don't mind because they aren't my parents tbh. I'm thinking of asking my brother and his girlfriend to be the witnesses

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 09/09/2019 23:15

He may not be bothered but they maybe! Especially if you're having your family there. Even if only two of them.

BringTheBounceBack · 09/09/2019 23:19

We did, but still think that had we asked any member of the family to be a witness it would have cause an issue somewhere.
We just had friends as witnesses and they weren’t close ones (one was DHs colleague)

Original poster

Amibeingsensitive · 10/09/2019 11:31

Just going to keep it casual and simple. I can't justify spending lots of money on just 1 day to 'show off' to people I just can't I'd rather put the money to something worth while 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

BitchyArriver · 10/09/2019 16:38

I think is a terrible idea to have your DBro be a witness but not invite his parents. Do you both have any other siblings? I would be so so hurt if I was them.

Brideof2020 · 10/09/2019 20:48

Great idea, if that's what yous want. Agree with other PPs about your stbh parents, if you're having your brother and his girlfriend there - his parents should be invited.
Also, whilst I agree it's a great idea, I would possibly struggle for childcare with a weeks notice. Will you need to think about that for any of your 'guests' ? What if some have prior arrangements. Perhaps have your party in a months time or something?

GotToGoMyOwnWay · 10/09/2019 20:52

You can’t have your dbro & his gf & not invite your future in laws. That’s absolutely not on. I would be hurt if that was my dcs & wondered what I had done that was so wrong to be excluded. Either no family or you tell siblings & parents. That’s what my dbro did. It was fab.

Pinkarsedfly · 10/09/2019 20:54

We did it. It was great. Congratulations!

ChicCroissant · 10/09/2019 21:02

Is this a second thread on the same subject?

It won't go well if you don't invite his parents, but invite your brother OP. It's not his or their fault that he has parents who could attend and you don't.

I agree that you don't need to spend a fortune on one day, but if you are just inviting your friends for a night out and not hosting at all - not paying for any food or drink - then yes, of course it will be cheap for you!

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