Wearing white to someone else's wedding 👎👎👎

[MissMoodyMoo]

🚨 BRIDEZILLA ALLERT🚨

yes I'm talking about myself!! I'm going to own my ridiculous new found bridezillaness.

Ok so, how can I politely tell people not to wear white to my wedding? I'm aware it sounds ludicrous to some people that a bride should dictate what their guest wear but I find it soooo passive aggressive to wear white to someone's wedding! My dad's girlfriend wore a lovely 🙄 white dress to my sister's wedding and I low key Spent the full day and night sending my nieces and nephews over to her with sticky dirty chocolatey hands (yes i know I'm ridiculous) she even posed with my sister's bouquet which nearly tipped me over the edge 😭😂😂😂😂🤦🏼‍♀️ I love my dad's girlfriend but I just think it's awful to wear white to another persons wedding! There is so any other colours to choose from!
Anyway! I 100% know I won't be able to hold my tongue or hide my facial expressions if someone turns up wearing white!! (Again I know I'm being ridiculous but I can't help it)

I'm thinking of dropping subtle hints into conversations and the odd fb meme!!

Ahhh why do planning weddings make people crazy??

mintich your guests sound a bit horrible.

Don't they have anything more interesting to do/discuss?

It's a wedding. It's meant to be fun.

Gotta agree with Sushi - use this as an personal development opportunity in letting go of the small stuff and focusing your energies on what actually matters.

I spent about a year posting the odd meme about it 😂

Someone I know has gone NC with her own sister because of this.
Sister of bride is very glamorous on the whole and does the school run looking like she's just been to a modelling shoot.

Her younger sister got married in white. Glam sister turned up in a skin tight satin dress slashed to the bust leaving very little to the imagination. It was a church wedding and very embarrassing.

They have a similar colouring so if anyone wasn't too sure who exactly the bride was then it wasn't immediately obvious. Bride wore a dress that was modest and looked amazing. Glam sister looked tacky.

My mum gets married tomorrow and is wearing cream. I'm sure there will be other guests wearing cream and it's a second wedding but I don't think it's the same as someone wearing white. It's just basic etiquette surely?

Sorry didn't say that glam sister's dress was also white!

So the lesson is - the only person who comes off badly is the person making the transgression.

Therefore, why care??

So the lesson is - the only person who comes off badly is the person making the transgression.

Therefore, why care??

why do you care? You're the bride, you'll have all the attention, everyone is there because they love YOU.

And in any case all that matters to you is marrying your partner and having people you love there. Who cares what they wear really?

My friend wore a white trouser suit to my wedding. It really doesn't matter at all.

My mum wore a white dress to my wedding. I only realised a couple of months ago. I got married 9 years ago.

Honestly, try to relax. I spent a whole year obsessing over every detail of my wedding. I got into a mindset where I genuinely believed that the wrong table plan or flowers would ruin my wedding (I am an obsessive perfectionist at the best of times).

Then a month before my wedding, I got an email from our venue saying they’d gone bankrupt and our wedding was cancelled. I had no idea if we would get any of our money back (they didn’t have all of it but a sizeable amount).

We managed to find somewhere (actually I think it was even nicer) but we had to change a lot of things and I had to accept that certain things had to be different. We had no accommodation booked as the whole wedding party was meant to be staying at the first venue. Had to find places with space, none of which were nearby so I had to book cars - the only way I could transport myself and all the bridesmaids was a limo (not what I would choose). When it turned up on the day, it was bright pink. (Then it got stuck in the car park, but that’s another story)

The moral of the story is that my wedding was amazing and perfect, even with the horrifying pink hen-do limo, and the evening buffet instead of what I’d planned, and the fact the invitations I spent months making had the wrong venue on them, and without other things I’d booked and had to cancel because they couldn’t get to our new venue around other bookings for the same day. The venue had to set up our tables as we were staying 40 mins away, they weren’t what I’d pictured. Didn’t matter.

And it definitely didn’t matter my mum wore white. Like I say, I didn’t even notice until I was looking at some photos recently (she did wear a navy shrug over the top so maybe that’s why). MIL’s dress was also white actually, but with large black flowers. The bridesmaid dresses were black and white, so it all worked out quite well!

Now my mum is gone, the photos of her and I at my wedding are some of my favourites of us, and the dress colour just isn’t a factor.

I don’t say any of this to be mean and if it’s really a worry for you then bring it up. Just a friendly reminder (from someone who nearly had a breakdown over their own wedding) that your wedding will be wonderful no matter what, and obsessing about tiny details will just massively increase your stress levels. No wedding goes perfectly, don’t let small and insignificant things spoil it for you.

Congratulations and I hope you have a wonderful day

It’s incredibly rude to wear white and people care about it because it indicates a level of self-absorption and utter disregard for the bride. I’d be sad if my family/friends treated me that way.

OP I think you need to speak to your dad directly and ask him to rein his girlfriend in. She’s clearly desperate to be married

My mil wore a white dress but teamed it with a chocolate coloured jacket, it was also a very plain linen knee length dress, i wasnt bothered. I did have a friend who insisted on a dress code in the invites, black tie and cocktail dresses with heels, no one minded as that was typical of my friend. Another friend had an invite were a specific heel diameter had to be adhered to because of the flooring at the reception venue, this was in london though!

"It’s incredibly rude to wear white and people care about it because it indicates a level of self-absorption and utter disregard for the bride. I’d be sad if my family/friends treated me that way."

Does it though? Or does it just show that some people don't really overthink things and just think 'pretty floaty white summery dress"?

While I wouldn't wear white to a wedding, and would probably do wtf eyes at anyone who did, I certainly wasn't worrying about it before my wedding. I was just thinking about being married to the man I loved. Let's not forget what's important here. Half the people from my wedding, I'm not even in touch with any more. Most people I know are like that.

My friends sister, who had an expensive bridesmaid dress of her choice, changed into a floor length white dress for the evening do. She looked a right tit.

Another friend pulled her up on it, she threw a tantrum and had a big argument with her husband. Everyone else had a brilliant time.

My SIL wore a white and silver knee length dress to my wedding. It was beautiful and I didn't care one bit. I was more upset at a friend who had a choice of two dresses in a VERY similar colour to the Bridesmaids, one which was coincidentally a similar style and long. Didn't care about the colour but was bothered about the longer one. Fortunately one of the Bridesmaids had a word and she wore the shorter one.

My sil wore a white dress to my wedding, but there was quite a funny story behind it. She was nine weeks pregnant, and she had bought a lovely blue dress to wear. The evening before the wedding she thought she would try it on to see if the shoes she has bought matched properly. Her boobs had swollen so much she could not even get the zip half way to her back, she was not showing on her tummy at all. She had to make a mad dash to a local "next". It was the only suitable shop open. The dress she wore was lovely, and I honestly didn't care about it being white. She was paranoid on the day though. It's a nice memory

My SIL wore a tea length white dress to my wedding. I didn't even notice. She was embarrassed when a drunken friend of DHs family told her what a beautiful bride she was.

She told me this later and I thought it was funny.

I never even thought that it was 'wrong' of her to wear white.

Honestly, I think if you are this worried about it, maybe you need to take a step back and remember what your wedding is really about - people who love you coming to support you at the start of the looong journey of life.

I wrote "dress code smart casual, please no white" or something on invitations. I didn't think anybody could "upstage" me (didn't occur to me!) but I was wearing a creamy creamy, not off white and I didn't want the glare of white in any photos. Someone came in white trousers and sure enough in all the photos she's in, the trousers pull the eye. A friend called me the night before to ask if she should wear her white (very white, unpatterned)) dress or her green dress. Thankfully she asked, but she was amazed that I was serious about the white! I think if you feel strongly fly about it, be a bridezilla about that (only) and make sure everybody knows. If some numpty turns up in white they'll look SUPER bad then!

I didn't notice much about the white trousers on the day but in the photos they really do glare (sunny day too). At least it was only trousers though!

Let's not forget what's important here. Half the people from my wedding, I'm not even in touch with any more. Most people I know are like that.

Suspect that’s the distinguishing factor. This of of us who would be bothered are probably the ones who would invite close friends/family who we value and stay in touch with. This their actions and thoughts matter to us. I can understand that if your wedding is just a giant party with a bunch of people you’re ambivalent about that you probably care much less how respectful or thoughtful they are to you

vetthat's a bit harsh.
Let's not forget that 40% of marriages end in divorce and that couples who aren't married have a much higher risk of separating.I'd
The majority of 14 year olds are in single parent or blended families.
Therefore the poster was correct, in years to come there will be guests at your wedding who you are no longer in contact with.

Anyway, enjoy your day, don't get sucked into worrying about every detail.

@Veterinari what a silly thing to say.

I have been married almost 20 years. My MIL wore white. I didn't even know it was a thing until someone pointed it out.

Anyway, we all had a lovely time. I have great memories, as do many of our guests. MIL has carried on committing many MIL faux pas which is a whole other thread, but the point is no one's outfits had any impact on our big day because... they are just clothes. And we aren't petty people.

White or cream with a coloured pattern eg flowers is fine, it's plain white or cream, worst still lace that is wrong. That said you need to chill, annoying but in the scheme of things it doesn't matter. Try to put everything into perspective and remember you are getting married (that's the important bit) not a fancy party

I was invited to a wedding and the invitation asked for the ladies to not wear Black.
Op if you are worried about it maybe quietly ask your dad to make sure his partner doesn't wear white.

This of of us who would be bothered are probably the ones who would invite close friends/family who we value and stay in touch with. This their actions and thoughts matter to us. I can understand that if your wedding is just a giant party with a bunch of people you’re ambivalent about that you probably care much less how respectful or thoughtful they are to you

🙄

Or maybe we’ve just been married a while and know that people come and go over the course of a long marriage. As I said, my own mum wore a white dress so it’s got nothing to do with that.

"Suspect that’s the distinguishing factor. This of of us who would be bothered are probably the ones who would invite close friends/family who we value and stay in touch with. This their actions and thoughts matter to us. I can understand that if your wedding is just a giant party with a bunch of people you’re ambivalent about that you probably care much less how respectful or thoughtful they are to you"

Yes, I invited total strangers to my wedding for fun! Right on the money.

Or, in reality, like the vast majority of people, it was a mixture of close friends and family, and colleagues or neighbours who I don't know that well.

Really no need to second guess my relationships because I have a different point of view to you.

I hear you! An acquaintance posted on fb last weekend, beautiful wedding photos, full on white wedding. Her aunt, only 8 years older and a real looker, wore a very fancy white maxi dress!!! Why???