Inviting family?

[Callie932612]

Me and partner are planning to get married at the end of the year, nothing fancy, just a small registry office sort of thing.

Parents split 10 years ago, dad fell out of love with mum and met someone else. They've been happily together since the split. Mum has pretty much gotten over it now, although a lot of hate towards stepmum. My sister isn't too keen on her or my dad and neither is my aunty (dad's sister).
Anyway, if I invite my dad and stepmum, it will cause a lot of issues, mum and sister probably won't want to come if she's going, and I'll be 'choosing her' over them and I'm selfish and inconsiderate of their feelings.
I'm close to my dad and I want him to be there as well as his partner, but I know it's going to end badly.

Should I just not invite any of them? I really don't know what to do, whatever I choose someone is going to be hurt/upset

I would invite who you want to be there. If they can't be in the same room for a ceremony in which they don't have to speak, doesn't take long, and can be on other sides of the room for your sake then that is up to them. Are you doing anything after? Maybe you could go out to lunch with your family who choose not to come to the ceremony?

Invite them all, let them know they are all invited and who ever wants to come is more than welcome! Tell them you won't be made to feel guilty about who you want at your wedding and that you love them all and thats that!!

My DSis won't end up going to my DB wedding because I'm there even though she is closer to SIL than I am! Not my problem though or SIL's she has done the right thing and invited all of us😁

If anyone wouldn't come to my wedding because of someone else that was invited, to me that's them that are spoiling it, not the other invited person.

I learnt the hard way not to do a wedding ring to keep the guests happy but for myself and partner.

Yes, invite all of them. It's up to each person to decide whether they are going to be grownups on the day or not.

The above advice is great and you’ll need some chat around the invites to back up that it would be them choosing not to come.

“I love you all, I want you to be there for me and DH, if YOU feel YOU can’t be in the room, then we are hugely disappointed but we understand”

And just rinse and repeat.

Thanks for the advice everyone!! :) :)

I know someone will refuse to come and I'll never hear the end of it. But I guess it's on them.

Yes, it's 100% up to them. If you let them know who you've invited and maybe say you know it might be difficult but it means a lot to you that they come then they know it's up to them. You could even ask if they want to make sure they are seated far apart to avoid awkwardness and explain you won't expect them to have their photos together. If they refuse to come and then kick up a fuss just remember that they had a choice. I hope it goes well for you, I know these things can be very stressful.