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what food for a super relaxed wedding?!

89 replies

hsegfiugseskufh · 03/06/2019 13:55

I need help!

we are having a 3pm wedding, next july.

Ceremony in a local council owned property (think old beautiful house, nice gardens etc) and reception literally directly over the road at a rugby club. Its been entirely re built, with a nice terrace etc and we have free run of inside and outside.

We want it to be really relaxed, people inside or outside whenever they want (hoping the weather wont let us down!) no speeches, no first dance, no cutting cakes etc.

We just don't know what to do about the food.

So there ceremony will be at 3pm, food about 4:30/5ish?

But what?! what fits with the relaxed summer theme? I don't want a sit down meal, we wont be having seating plans and ideally its something that can be eaten inside/outside

I don't really like the idea of a BBQ because its too easy to give people food poisoning and I probably wouldn't eat it myself (I don't have massive issues with food but stuff like that is my worst nightmare)

also, if the weather's shit we would be done for.

can anyone help!?

also we will be having maybe 10 extra evening guests - do we then have to do more food in the evening? I think we probably do but DP isn't sure people will want to eat again so soon?!

Thanks!

OP posts:
hsegfiugseskufh · 05/06/2019 13:34

fudge 60 if everyone attends..

I really don't want a BBQ but serving 'family style' seems like a good idea.

we will have a bit of formality as in maybe a board with timings and when food will be out and stuff but that's about it I think!

chic yes good idea I will ask!

Spanish that does sound good!

I do like the idea of buffet but DP thinks its a bit "kids birthday party" which I don't agree with if its done right!

OP posts:
feelingverylazytoday · 05/06/2019 13:46

I would do a big buffet with things like meat platters, cheeseboards, salads, and top it up a couple of times in the evening. That way people can wander back and forwards and eat when they want to. A few bottles of beer and wine on the table and a few soft drinks (even just jugs of squash) would be nice as well.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/06/2019 13:51

I get that my needs are unusual, but they would be unlikely to be met by your list too
A three course tradition wedding breakfast is likely to meet your needs even less that a caterer doing more informal food who can be given details of what you do eat and put on something specific for you.

NotNigel if you have the kind of friends who don't care about your ethics / disabilities / religion / medical needs, can I suggest the issue is your friends not the food provided? Such a friend, who cannot accommodate you, isn't going to suddenly be more caring a d considerate because its a formals it down meal. Ime they're even more rigid a d are still largely based around meat and carbs for mains / mushrooms andcarbs for veggies.
I suggest you reconsider whether your friends are actually friends.

user1474894224 · 05/06/2019 14:06

Our street food vendor served it as a buffet.

Our pizza van also did ice cream - we could have prepaid for a set number. Just like we did with the pizza. - No one had to wait in a queue. They cooked them and piled them and we went out every 10 minutes or so to bring a few in. We had agreed 4 different types and they made a selection.... although they even went off that list for special requests.

We catered for gluten free, veggie and vegan. (We knew we had GF and veggies coming). Anything else we would expect you to tell us in advance. We didn't specifically ask for food preferences because you get all sorts of requests. However, if a friend had notified us of an allergy we would definitely meet the need (we have severe allergies in the family but unfortunately they weren't able to attend). Although...as our wedding was our friends and family you would expect us to know already. Any fussy eaters just had to find something they could eat.

Our GF guest asked us not to get her a gf pizza as she said they are normally nasty.

Loyaultemelie · 05/06/2019 14:31

With a buffet or mezze make sure the meats aren't touching or cooked with the veggie bits. I am vegetarian because of serious allergies and cross contamination is serious plus I know a couple of "strict" vegetarians who wouldn't touch it either.

babysharkah · 05/06/2019 14:34

Baked potatoes aren't wedding food imo. Everything else mentioned is. Personally I'd get a paella company - you're GF already and they can do another pan in vegan that accommodates the veggies too.

BambooB · 05/06/2019 15:46

Kebab

spanishwife · 05/06/2019 16:01

Lots of caterers do a thing called a 'hot fork buffet' which is a nice inbetween. I personally wouldn't be too impressed with just a posh cold buffet, I'd want something hot and substantial!
With the hot fork buffet you can get things like curries, chicken/salmon in a nice sauce with salads etc... But served very quickly and very easy to walk around with it.

mamapolenta · 05/06/2019 21:03

I went to a wedding that brought in pizzas from a local place and then they did huge salad platters themselves to go with the pizzas which covered most dietary requirements. The salads were Ottolenghi recipes and were hugely impressive.

ImNotNigel · 06/06/2019 13:12

@ImNotNigel please expand on why this would be 'upsetting'

Certainly, I will try to do so.

In the uk, if you invite someone to be your guest and provide food for everyone except them , it’s considered to be very rude. It’s upsetting for that person and also for their family who are with them.

The person is hungry while your other guests are fed.

Imagine you and your husband come to my house for dinner. You told me in advance that you were vegetarian.

We sit at the table and I bring out fish and salad for starters. You politely have some salad.

Then for the main course I serve chicken curry. I offer you some and you decline, saying “It looks lovely but I don’t eat meat “. I look surprised and say

“ Oh really, my cousin is vegetarian and she eats chicken and fish. This isn’t red meat you know, it’s just chicken. Are you quite sure you won’t just try some? I didn’t make it spicy as I know not everyone likes that “.

“ I understand “ you say “ but I don’t eat any meat, it’s part of my religion. Sorry”

I purse my lips, looking offended and exchange a glance with my husband which indicates that I think you are being difficult. I then give you a plate of dry rice which you try to force down.

The other dinner guests look at you oddly and enthuse about my delicious curry and complement my cooking. Another guest asks pointedly about your religion and why you are vegetarian. You try to explain without offending anyone.

Someone else tells you that their colleague shares your religion but she isn’t “strict ” like you. Another pipes up about dietary restrictions being so fashionable now, all the celebrities are doing it. Everyone nods in agreement and adds how it’s so unhealthy.

Your stomach tightens with anxiety and embarrassment. You feel your face getting hot.

You do your best to eat your plate of boiled rice. Your husband sees you are struggling and sneaks a few spoonfuls off your plate to help you out. You wish you had a tissue so you could smuggle some into your pocket or handbag.

I then bring out a delicious jellied cake desert , which of course you cannot eat because it contains gelatine. I’ve obviously spent a lot of time making this. The other guests ohh and ahh in admiration.

Your heart sinks. Your husband looks at his plate because he knows what is coming.

You wonder if you should take some out of politeness and try to eat the fruit it contains without any of the jelly, but you feel sick at the thought.

Fortunately there is ice cream too so you eat some of that. You are very hungry after just some salad leaves and a spoonful or two of rice but you try not to take more than your fair share of ice cream.

Does that sound like a fun evening to you? Can you possibly imagine how this feels ?

Now imagine this is not just a dinner party of two or three hours, but a whole day event, like a wedding . You are given food which you cannot eat and the host and other guests ( just like people on this thread ) think you are being difficult, demanding and attention seeking.

You are hungry while everyone else is full. You feel tired and light headed. You worry about fainting in the hot function suite.

You are scared to have even one drink on an empty stomach.

Everyone else is having a great time. All you can think about is that it’s been 10 hours since you last ate and it’s another two before you can leave.

So , OP and SpanishWife, can you see why that might be upsetting for you and your husband and not a particularly fun or relaxing evening or event ?

spanishwife · 06/06/2019 13:18

Nigel babe, sounds like you have horrible friends. I'm sorry you had such an awful night and still feel so distressed about it.

I'm sure OP is not planning to do that at all, hence her multiple metnions of getting dietary requirements with RSVPS and will communicate this to caterers.

ImNotNigel · 06/06/2019 13:23

I wasn’t talking about my own friends. I was giving a made up example to help you understand why it might be upsetting to be invited to someone’s wedding and given no food while other guests are.

You asked me to explain this to you. I wasn’t talking about the OP.

Bloomburger · 06/06/2019 13:23

Charcuterie boards, a cheese wedding cake, lots of French bread and pickles and salads.

spanishwife · 06/06/2019 13:26

That was an incredibly detailed made up scenario! Go into creative writing!

ImNotNigel · 06/06/2019 13:36

So did it answer your question ? You seem to be avoiding the point somewhat .

IHeartArya · 06/06/2019 13:38

Friends 50th had a fajita station so everyone could choose whether fish/meat/veggie. I’m gluten free & there were plenty of gf wraps.

A second a paella station.

I wouldn’t do pizza.

hmsvictory · 06/06/2019 13:41

Jacket spud van and a ice cream van!

But I'd definitely explain to the 10 people that the venue is number restricted but you did want them there all day so to join you at the rugby club straight afterwards!

user1474894224 · 06/06/2019 13:51

@ImNotNigel I think you missed the point of 'super relaxed'. The OP never said she wouldn't cater for needs. Super relaxed is about the feel, the organisation, the fact that there is no hierarchy of tables being told when they can have food etc etc. That's why you were asked to explain what's upsetting about this type of wedding.

Waggily · 06/06/2019 14:08

@I’mNotNigel. You need some new friends. Most people understand what vegetarian actually means, especially caterers. That read like a posh version of the wafer thin ham scene from The Royale Family!

ComeBackBarack · 06/06/2019 14:12

@ImNotNigel I think if I was invited to a wedding by a friend and I had specific dietary needs I'd make sure the venue/hosts knew. And I'd probably bring a big enough handbag that i could have a packed lunch in case. Because they are my friends and I'd want to make sure I could enjoy their day.

We catered for vegetarians, vegans and 3 coeliac.

Racheyg · 06/06/2019 14:21

@JoanMavisIcecreamGirl
I got married in a pub, the weather was amazing, the drinks flowed and we had selection of burgers (beef, chicken, fish or vegan) and in the evening a mixed platter style buffet and the most amazing dj.

Lots of booze and food was consumed. Everyone had fun. It felt like a night in the pub but everyone was dressed up 😂

hsegfiugseskufh · 06/06/2019 14:22

nigel I have already said I would be catering for everyones needs whether it was a formal or relaxed meal!

I think you've got entirely the wrong end of the stick!

super relaxed isn't code for "one option and fuck everyone else"

OP posts:
ImNotNigel · 06/06/2019 15:18

That’s great that you are catering for all Your guests. I made my comment BEFORE you said this. And after posts, including yours, with suggestions of pizza, cake, crackers, pie and chips, fish and chips, ice cream cones, sausages, sandwiches and donuts.

Isitmybathtimeyet · 06/06/2019 15:26

But why assume all those suggestions involved ‘fuck it’ for our guests? Our guests are people we know and care about, so of course we’ll cater for them and their needs. The OP asked for ideas, and those of us contributing got told we were bastards who would upset people!

notatwork · 06/06/2019 15:33

@ImNotNigel What are your dietary restrictions that you have been so underfed at a wedding?

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