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Original poster

Bridesmaid help!

25 replies

Sophiaanne · 14/05/2019 23:53

I’m a bit clueless with wedding tradition! I’m led to believe the bride pays for bridesmaids outfits/hair/make up/accessories, but how common is this? I’ve been a bridesmaid at a wedding where I’ve had everything paid for, and a bridesmaid at a wedding that I had to pay for hair and make up myself should I want it done. (Bride was very laid back and didn’t mind how we had our hair, what shoes/ accessories we wore and so on). So I’m stuck on what I should expect of my bridesmaids! Any advice from your own experiences please? :)

OP posts:

Pipandmum · 15/05/2019 00:05

I bought my bridesmaids dresses. They were kids though they didn’t have any responsibilities. My maid of honour ... she bought her own dress, I paid for hair and can’t remember about make up. I think paying for dresses is fine and a gift, but hair make up should be their responsibility as I don’t think you need a professional to do it.

happymummy12345 · 15/05/2019 00:10

I would have paid for the whole lot. I had one bridesmaid. I got her dress. She already had shoes she was happy to wear, as well as accessories. And she never wears makeup so didn't need to worry about that. And she was happy to do her own hair as well. Basically anything she'd wanted done for the day I would have gladly paid for.

LorelaiRoryEmily · 15/05/2019 00:14

I had 4 bridesmaids and I paid for everything. Dresses, hair, makeup, shoes, jewellery.

LorelaiRoryEmily · 15/05/2019 00:14

Oh and hotel rooms the night of the wedding too

Expressedways · 15/05/2019 00:14

Depends where you’re from. It’s normal in America for the bridesmaids to cover the costs of the dresses etc. In the U.K., the general rule is that bride should pay for anything they are dictating the bridesmaids wear.

Presuming you’re British, then yes you pay for the dresses. If you want to insist on hair/make-up being done professionally then you need to cover that cost. However, it’s not an essential and I don’t think anyone would mind being given the option of doing their own or paying for an appointment with whoever is doing yours. Same goes for accessories e.g. ok to say wear any black heels but if you want everyone in the same specific shoe then you should buy them.

lightuptrainers · 15/05/2019 00:20

I think if you can pay for everything, then that's ideal: it's your special day, not theirs, and they shouldn't have to fork out big bucks to be there and support you.

If you can't pay for everything, your bridesmaids should be heavily involved in the choosing process - so they can pick something they might feasibly wear again, and is within their budget - and should be allowed to use shoes, accessories etc. that they already own.

DippyAvocado · 15/05/2019 00:26

I am being bridesmaid to my friend this year. She is buying the dress. We have offered to buy shoes and we're paying for our hair and make up because we wanted to get them done. She isn't dictating a particular style. I think it's standard to at least buy the dress unless you are happy for them to choose one that they can wear again.

Original poster

Sophiaanne · 15/05/2019 09:13

I have already arranged getting their dresses made it was just hair and make up I was worried about really :) one of my bridesmaids isn’t really a make up wearer, so I didn’t want to pay for the others if she didn’t want hers done, I did consider paying for it as part of their gifts but then I wanted them al to have something quite similar so that wouldn’t work. The one who isn’t a big make up wearer was the bride to the wedding I was a bridesmaid for, and I paid for my own hair and make up, so she wouldn’t be offended if I asked for her to pay for it herself anyway. Was just wondering if it was quite common for them to pay for it themselves if they want it doing, obviously if I can make the budget stretch that far I’ll happily pay! But 4 adult bridesmaids hair and make up, and then trials as well soon adds up! Thanks for all your help!

OP posts:

DuchessAnnogovia · 15/05/2019 09:20

When I got married many moons ago m, we paid for everything for the bridesmaids. When my DD got married last year, her bridesmaid brought their own dresses (they can be worn for other occasions, and we paid for all accessories and hair/makeup and hotel rooms. I'm not sure if there is an actual tradition on who pays for what though.

TurtleStar · 15/05/2019 09:30

I'm paying for dresses and they can wear/buy their own shoes and accessories. I'm also paying for either hair or makeup and if they would like both, they can chip in for the other but one of my bridesmaids is incredible at makeup and has volunteered to help the others with theirs.

yikesanotherbooboo · 15/05/2019 09:33

Anything that you choose for your bridesmaids ie clothes, hair , makeup ,shoes ,accommodation etc is your choice and you should pay. These are not part of your gift to the bridesmaids which should be something else. Work out what you can afford and go accordingly eg mua and nails/ hair etc are not essentials for you or the bridesmaids but outfits and probably accommodation and meals etc are.

sar302 · 15/05/2019 09:37

My bridesmaids were asked to wear whatever they felt comfortable in, as there was no real theme, and they all have fantastic yet very different shapes. They coordinated themselves because they're excellent and know I'm slightly useless at that. I paid for jewellery, hair and make up.

Queenbetty · 15/05/2019 09:41

You dont need trials for bridesmaids hair and makeup, just get it done on the day if they want it. You will need a trial obv.

Original poster

Sophiaanne · 15/05/2019 09:49

I have two bridesmaids with quite problematic skin and they’ve said they wouldn’t be comfortable without a trial beforehand because obviously they don’t know what exact products will be used and how it will sit on their skin, which is understandable. I would hate for anybody to feel uncomfortable so if they feel a trial is necessary that’s fair enough I think. This thread just shows how clueless I am to all things wedding😂 thanks guys!

OP posts:

scratchyfluffface · 15/05/2019 10:04

They should pay for the trials as these aren't usually done for bridesmaids, you said you want them all to have similar hair and makeup? In which case you need to pay for it.

Don't forget that if you expect them to pay for it themselves then they would be perfectly within their rights to a) decline to have it done, and do it themselves or b) pay for it but have it done how they want.

Every UK wedding I have been involved in (including my own next year) has taken the approach of 'if the bride chooses something, the bride pays for it'. I personally think it's a bit off to ask people to be part of your day and then expect them to pay for the privilege!

Lost5stone · 15/05/2019 10:08

I'm of the opinion the bride should pay for everything.

CurbsideProphet · 15/05/2019 10:11

I've paid for my bridesmaid's dress (£35 in the sale!), I'm paying for hair / makeup on the day, and I'm also paying for her to stay at the venue the night of the wedding. I've asked her to be my bridesmaid, so she shouldn't be out of pocket for it.

Original poster

Sophiaanne · 15/05/2019 10:15

I’m completely neutral on whether they have it done or not, they all do their own make up quite well when they wear it anyway so it’s solely their choice whether they want it or not, same with hair. As I said one bridesmaid isn’t much of a make up wearer so I’d never make her have a full face of make up if she didn’t want to. I’m also not fussed how they have their hair, whether they have up dos or not, aslong as none of them dye their hair lime green😂 other than that I’m not fussed how they have their hair or make up, or whether they have it or not. I have no issue paying for it if they want it done, was just wondering what the norm was as I’ve been bridesmaid where I’ve had both scenarios :) I quite like the idea of them having a good pamper on a pretty hectic and long day!

OP posts:

combatbarbie · 15/05/2019 10:18

I paid for everything except their shoes, they chose their own to suit their own comfort and style... That they could also wear again

boredboredboredboredbored · 16/05/2019 21:34

I'm paying for dresses & shoes but only makeup and hair for my Dd. Df two adult daughters will be sorting their own hair and makeup, they are both stunners and I think they'll outshine me!

NameChange92 · 16/05/2019 21:43

As someone else has said i’d go with the principle anything you choose you pay for, anything they choose they pay for. So if you aren’t worried about them having professional hair and make-up they pay for that if they choose to have it done. If you want them to have particular hair styles, you pay.

FWIW that’s consistent with what i’ve experienced as a bridesmaid.

MissMoodyMoo · 18/05/2019 14:34

I'll be paying for their dresses, shoes and hair but I'm not paying a professional to do their makeup. But if they want they can pay themselves and long as it's tasteful makeup then I'm fine with it

rosegoldivy · 20/05/2019 09:31

I paid for everything apart from shoes. also bought them a braclet and earrings as a thank you - although i would not have been bothered if they hadnt worn them on the day.

With regard to hair, i told them they could get style they wanted, up do, down, half up do etc as still wanted them to have a say.

If your bridesmaid are wanting a make up trial i would say they should pay for that.

thecatsthecats · 20/05/2019 11:18

I gave my bridesmaids a fixed budget of £70 for dresses, and anything else they wished to fit into that budget. I paid for hair, they did their own make up, and chose their own shoes.

Only one took the whole £70 budget, which was fair because she was the last to pick her dress, so had to fit in with the other two (mix and match) styles.

One knocked it out of the bloody park with a stunning sale dress for just £15 and on sale shoes for £3!

user1471449295 · 22/05/2019 15:53

I paid for my bridesmaids dresses, hair and makeup on day, they paid for trials though

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