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Original poster

Quite sure we want to "elope", but...

22 replies

chickenlittle1 · 10/05/2019 14:30

Hi everyone!

I posted a few days ago for advice on whether to go for an "elopement" style wedding, just the two of us, on a beach somewhere without any fuss (except lots of cocktails!). We would probably have some kind of informal celebration afterwards!

The more I think about it, and have spoken with DP, the more it all fits - budget, plans for houses/children in the near future, avoiding family drama, guestlist being a bit "sparse" etc. etc.

The only thing I can't figure out is how my sister may react, we are very very close, more like best friends and I don't know if it'll upset her to not be involved.

Any tips for this, and for elopements in general? Thanks :)

OP posts:

glasshalf · 26/05/2019 11:35

We also want to do this , we want to spend as little as possible so would like to do it on an already planned trip to New York but I'm going with one sister not the other and I'm also worried how she would feel - however if you do it totally in secret then come back and give it her as a surprise maybe that would be better? She might not feel left out as much as there is no build up etc?

document4inyourfolders · 27/05/2019 20:55

Me and Dp have been together a long long time and have a holiday abroad booked for next year that we have saved hard for and will not be repeated again. We are flying from Gatwick and would like to get married the day before we fly. Just us and two DC's. We can't afford to get married while abroad as was quoted £1500++ for a basic package. Does anyone know of any venues that would do this for us quite close to the airport??

Aquamarine1029 · 27/05/2019 20:59

Your sister will get over it. It's not as though you are only excluding her. You want to elope and you have every right to do that. Plan a lovely family meal to celebrate your marriage after you get home and everything will be fine.

document4inyourfolders · 27/05/2019 21:00

Sorry! I meant to start my own thread!

sadpigeon · 27/05/2019 21:42

We got married abroad just the two of us and it was amazing. Small informal family meal when we got back. We went to Hawaii and got married on the beach, there are lots of other great locations in the US. The wedding ceremony itself including photos was only $100. I did lots of reaearch and found the US one of the best options as minimal bureaucracy compared to Europe, good prices for hotels and the ceremony. It is not for everyone but eloping suited us.

sadpigeon · 27/05/2019 21:44

To add we also did it to save money and as we knew we wanted to have children soon after, thinking it would be one amazing holiday. It counted as honeymoon too I think altogether cost around £3k.

Mum4Fergus · 28/05/2019 18:42

We eloped July last year...best decision ever! We had an awesome week in Scotland, married in the Registry Office of the wee village we were staying...told no-one before hand but called both sets of parents day after ceremony then popped it on Facebook. Wouldn't change a thing about the whole experience...

Original poster

chickenlittle1 · 30/05/2019 16:04

@glasshalf - is there any way your other sister could join you, even for a long weekend? If it means a lot to both of you there may be a way to make something work. True, but I feel like I couldn't not tell her - I'd be far too excited!

@sadpigeon - this sounds incredible. Can I ask where exactly you did it? Hawaii is beautiful!

OP posts:

sleepyhead · 30/05/2019 16:09

If you're very close, could you tell her in advance but not long before you actually go so there's no question logistically of her expecting to join you?

It might make her feel involved enough to be in on the secret even if she's not there for the ceremony?

If there's a relatively small group of people who might like to see the actual ceremony could you look into Skype? Nothing fancy - just getting someone to stream the couple of minutes when you say your vows?

LittleAndOften · 30/05/2019 16:13

We got married here in Cornwall. They specialise in elopement weddings. It's an incredible place lowerbarnswedding.co.uk/

To prevent offence I'd do it without telling anyone, then invite your nearest and dearest out for a meal some time afterwards to announce it and celebrate with them. You can't really get offended at a celebratory dinner for a fait accompli.

YouJustDoYou · 30/05/2019 16:26

We did this. Just us two, and made sure to have a videographer so no one could complain about not having seen the wedding.

YouJustDoYou · 30/05/2019 16:27

We were in Hawaii also.

BertrandRussell · 30/05/2019 16:31

My nephew did this- everyone found out when he announced it on FB the next day. His parents were so very sad. They put the bravest of brave faces on it, but I think it was an incredibly cruel thing to do- sorry.

Mehmehmeh19 · 30/05/2019 16:37

We were going to do this!
But I decided I couldn't do it to my sister.
We're now getting married, in the registry office the day before we fly.

With dd and her boyfriend and all off our siblings. Going out for a posh tea, and then flying the next day!

I've not told a soul apart from those invited, and now you lot! We get married on the 19th June!

cjt110 · 30/05/2019 16:49

In some ways, sod what others think - it's a day for you and your partner. Do what gives you joy. It's not for others.

Then again, if your sister did it to you, how would you feel?

We had to bend and accommodate things when we got married for others. Yes it irked us but so what.

That said, I'd happily just get wed on a beach with just the 2 of us if i could do it again

stucknoue · 30/05/2019 16:52

It very much depends on your relationship. My sil did this but told us all in advance and we understood why. I personally think a small civil ceremony in the town hall followed by lunch then off to the airport is a better thing to do, have a blessing overseas if you want the beach wedding photos.

Dyrne · 30/05/2019 17:02

I think the only way to do an elopement is to not tell a soul until afterwards. If you start including some people then you risk massively upsetting others. If you present it as nobody was “left out” because everyone was kept out of it; it’s much easier to justify imo.

BertrandRussell · 30/05/2019 18:26

“In some ways, sod what others think - it's a day for you and your partner. Do what gives you joy. It's not for others.”

I suppose it depends whether you could feel joy knowing you were upsetting other people. I have to say I feel differently about my nephew because of the effect his elopement has on my brother and ex sil. It would still have been sad but fine if he had told them the day before- or even from the airport as they flew out.

Frankley · 30/05/2019 20:45

Many years ago did this. Just the two of us. Never regretted doing it that way. Told no-one. My Dad laughed! All was fine.

Deafdonkey · 30/05/2019 20:52

I did it 20years ago. My dad was sad at the time (which surprised me) but understood why we did it. My gran was mad, 25 years later she has seen 7 other grandchildren marry and 5 of them divorce. She now understands we wanted a marriage not a wedding.

HollowTalk · 30/05/2019 20:54

My brother did this with his wife but her sister was there as a witness. Would that work?

Original poster

chickenlittle1 · 31/05/2019 14:02

@mehmehmeh19 This sounds like a perfect day, and may well be a good idea for us too. Congratulations, I hope you have a wonderful time!

@cjt110 You're quite right, I wouldn't have wanted to miss her wedding, but the two of us on a beach does sound tempting!

@hollowtalk Witness idea is a good one!

OP posts:

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