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Original poster

Asking for money for a specific thing...<<ducks>>

27 replies

ApplesAndCheese · 03/03/2019 17:36

Am slightly bracing myself for the responses to this Grin

DP and I have been together for several years, and are not spring chickens. Therefore we don't need or want anything that would traditionally appear on a wedding list and it would feel very odd and grabby having one.

However, we are both really into art, and we are getting married in a gallery where all the paintings on the walls on the day will be for sale. We thought it would be really lovely to buy an artwork from the day as a unique memento.

Is it, therefore, tacky to ask for a contribution to the 'picture fund'? I know asking for money for things like the honeymoon gets very mixed reactions but I wondered how people would feel about this specific request?

No twee poems or wishing wells will be involved, promise!

OP posts:
Noname99 · 03/03/2019 17:39

I think that is a absolutely lovely idea and I’d be delighted to contribute if I was a guest. A short explanatory sentence or two on the invite would suffice - no poems!!

AnotherMum76 · 03/03/2019 17:41

For what it worth, I think that's a fab idea and surely people would rather you have things you'd like than things you don't need. It also gives the option to gift the amount they can afford.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 03/03/2019 17:42

Yes,it’s tacky I’m afraid. Ask for money and spend that money on the art
I understand setting up as two established adults you don’t need house gifts,so let folk know
And gawd no poems,proclamations or jaunty verses on the invites or at the wedding

Wolfiefan · 03/03/2019 17:43

I actually think that’s a lovely idea. Saves you getting stuff you neither want or need. Yet also allows you to have one really special momento of the day.
Thank you card with picture of the piece you chose?
Enjoy your day.

Original poster
ApplesAndCheese · 03/03/2019 17:54

Yes,it’s tacky I’m afraid. Ask for money and spend that money on the art

Sorry, lipstick I don't understand - that's what we would be doing, asking for money and then spending it on the art?

OP posts:
Original poster
ApplesAndCheese · 03/03/2019 17:56

Thank you card with picture of the piece you chose?

Yes, that's definitely the idea, wolfie. Just thought it all seemed a bit more personalised that way.

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 03/03/2019 17:56

I mean just ask for money,no accompanying narrative about your art choice
Don’t call it a picture fund,or some such twee name
Just stipulate cash,and if asked elaborate

Original poster
ApplesAndCheese · 03/03/2019 17:59

Ah, I see.

Well, tbh I just called it a 'picture fund' for the purposes of the thread!

I think if I was being asked to contribute money I'd prefer to know what it was going towards, but maybe not?

I'd like to think we're the opposite of twee tbh Grin

OP posts:
Chilledout11 · 03/03/2019 18:01

I would assume most people wouldn't give you lots of unwanted items if you are already settled & have set up home.

I would avoid directly asking for money though.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 03/03/2019 18:01

Picture fund,it’s twee description
Youre adults you don’t need a fund.By stating money you're simply being explicit
No further explanations or funny labels reqd

Catsandbootsandbootsandcats · 03/03/2019 18:08

I love being asked for money! Saves me having to worry about what to buy, it's just so much easier. I don't get the fuss about it really.

beargryllshasabigrope · 03/03/2019 18:10

I thought you were going to ask for ducks for your wedding present....

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 03/03/2019 18:11

I’m happy to give money too,straightforward and what the b&g want

TeddyIsaHe · 03/03/2019 18:14

I love giving money as wedding gifts. So easy, no fretting about what to get weeks in advance. Cashpoint on the way, in card, done. Plus the b&g get to spend it on exactly what they want. Go for it op!

SuziQ10 · 03/03/2019 18:14

I prefer it when people just say what they want as a gift. Or if they'd prefer money!

No one is going to a wedding and not bringing a present, how rude would that be, I'd certainly prefer to contribute to something they actually wanted. Rather than over spend on something I've had to spend time & effort choosing that they most probably won't like.

drquin · 03/03/2019 18:19

Surely it boils down to the relationship & attitudes of your nearest & dearest, who presumably are the wedding guests?

If my "no spring chicken" sister / best friend / work colleague was getting married to her long-term partner, who she'd lived with for years, I'd have more than enough gumption to not gift her a toaster / bread-maker / bale of towels. Because I know her, I know that if she likes toast she'll already have a toaster. If she regularly bathes, she probably has a few towels.

So I'd KNOW not to buy useless household goods. If your guest lists consists of 23 great-aunt Mildreds who have seen neither of you since you were 3, then the above needs rethought.

And so I'd ask if she had any wedding gift suggestions, if I genuinely didn't know how else to mark the occasion. If she says "cash", fine. cash for art - fine.

It's picky maybe, but I prefer to have the opportunity to ask for suggestions (if I need them) first, rather than be told by the recipients what the gift should be. But reading on here, seems there's a mix of opinions.

Original poster
ApplesAndCheese · 03/03/2019 18:20

I thought you were going to ask for ducks for your wedding present....

Grin

I'd quite like chickens...

OP posts:
jackio2205 · 03/03/2019 18:25

Loooovely idea!! Really personalised, not wasteful on presents you don't need! In my experience people always ask what to get so they know that it's going towards something special, great idea! X

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 04/03/2019 19:11

I would ask for money and then send the thank you s back with the picture you buy, Especially if it’s a momento of the day itself.
But if people ask I would tell them what you want to use the money for.

thecatsthecats · 08/03/2019 10:52

I also thought you were going to make a duck fund, and now I want one!

I think we people like to know what their money is going to as it makes them feel more like they've bought something specific.

Though if you mention art, you may find yourself the unsolicited recipient of other people's tastes...

(Guilty story - my grandma in law came around with a painting for our wedding that we dutifully cooed over. I didn't realize that she'd painted it herself. After she left I negotiated with the husband to put it somewhere prominent, but where I wouldn't have to look at it all the time because I HATE it - it's really the opposite of my taste in every single way and it's such a shame because she's so talented and could have painted us something beautiful if she'd not wanted to surprise us).

Bluntness100 · 08/03/2019 10:56

I think that's lovely too.

Phrase it along the lines of only wanting their company but if people did feel the need to give a gift, then money that you will then put towards a painting on sale that day would be lovely but not expected.

And don't do as lipstick says and just say you want money, saying why is lovely 🤣

TonightJosephine · 08/03/2019 14:28

I wouldn't necessarily limit yourself to a painting on sale on the day unless there is one you genuinely like. Choosing a piece of art is a hugely personal thing and shouldn't be rushed. On your wedding day you will have a million other things to think about besides choosing a painting and you won't even know how much money people have given you.

That said, I think telling people you would like to buy a piece of art is a lovely idea. On our wedding invitations we tried to cover all our bases with regard to presents, saying that presents were absolutely not expected or necessary, but if they wanted to give us something then a gift or a small contribution towards our honeymoon would be lovely. It seemed to work because a few of our guests bought us presents, quite a few gave us money and some gave us nothing at all, so it seems everyone took us at our word.

If you did something similar but said that you would like to buy a painting, I'm sure that most people would think that was lovely.

ForTheLoveOfDoughnuts · 08/03/2019 15:00

I think that's a lovely idea. Personally, I like the idea of knowing the money will go towards a piece of art that was on display on your special day. I think it's a lovely story and not tacking at all!

Googel · 09/03/2019 12:59

I think this is a lovely idea. And if I'm being honest I prefer giving money! I would always default to giving money for a wedding these days unless asked to give a gift (which I can't actually see would happen lol) I think it's perfect Smile

Cookit · 10/03/2019 14:44

I think it’s much better than being asked for money!!

I always begrudge just being asked for cash from people who don’t need any (eg once went to a wedding that easily cost 50k where they were just asking for cash so that they could set up their second home..). But money for a particular purpose I am very into. And how lovely for you to buy a piece of art from the wedding venue to keep forever as a gift from all your guests!

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