Who to walk me down the aisle

[bubblesforlife]

I've got a concern and I'm not sure what to do.
My dad is dead, so my mother raised me and my 3 brothers. Life hasn't been kind to my mother, so she's a difficult woman. Throughout my life I don't have positive memories of growing up, all I remember is how she roared at me, insulted me and knocked my confidence.
I grew up very afraid of her, not knowing when she was going to explode again. Being the youngest I was left with her alone a lot.
Fast forward to my late 20's. We've spent many months not speaking, throughout my 20's. I've gone to counseling to try and move on.

I have become very independent, have a relatively successful career, and have a wonderful, supportive fiance. I have it all in my new life, but I don't have a supportive family. My brothers do their own thing and we're not that close. They don't really speak about the issues just manage them. They have their own personalities, and never really understand me. But that's ok because I've learned to understand me, and so has my fiance.

I'm getting married in a couple of months, and I'm having a wedding where I include all of our families, aunts, uncles, cousins. My mother has insisted she walks me down the aisle. It has felt wrong, and I'm not happy about it because i know she will make the special moment about her. Frankly, I think walking your daughter down the aisle is a privilege, earned throughout their daughter's life, but my mother has not earned it. I've said I'd rather just walk down on my own, but to save the politics, I need to have someone. Maybe my oldest brother.

I've just fallen out with my mother again, I went to my home house for 24 hours and she exploded, and I ended up leaving at 1 am and obviously, we are not speaking, and it's not going to blow over.
I have now fully decided she is not walking me down the aisle. But I don't know what to do when I tell her she will explode and take it as a personal attack. I'm just trying to protect myself. What do I do?

Uninvited her totally.
Tell her not only is she not walking you down the aisle, she’s not welcome there.

I wouldn't want my mum to walk me down the aisle in your situation.
Why don't you and your fiancé walk down together?

You want to walk on your own so do that. You say you are very independent so this seems to fit.

Don't let your mother, or anyone else, ruin your wedding day and the time leading up to it.

You don’t have to have anyone.
If she’s going to be vile then she’s not invited.

I wouldn't uninvite her, that would cause mayhem. Keeping the peace is key.
It's a traditional church religious ceremony, so it's hard to sway from something that is totally out of the ordinary, I've had many cousins marry before me so I want to keep some sort of order. If I do things too different I'll be judged, not many if any no the depth of my situation. I don't want to look bad either. I just want to keep things normal.

It's not unusual for brides to walk alone - you won't be doing something strange at all. Even Meghan Markle did it when she married Prince Harry - you could do it and not raise an eyebrow.

Why not break a bit with tradition and walk together with your partner. The giving away thing is a bit medieval imo.

I think walking down the aisle by yourself is actually the safest bet - asking one of your brothers to do it instead may be twisted as “choosing one of your brothers over your mum”.

Moving forward, use this as a springboard to work on your self worth. Why should you be so invested in what your family thinks of you? These people do not know the real situation, it’s your wedding day, so the only people who you need to keep happy are you and your fiancé. There is absolutely nothing to accomplish by making yourself miserable to please some vague idea of “normality” (and one look at Pinterest will show some much more wacky ideas for weddings than simply walking by yourself down the aisle!)

Thank you for all of your responses.
They have helped.

So I guess I've distilled it down to 2 options, walk myself down the aisle, or have my previous grandmother do it. My Grandmother is in her 90's but so far still reasonably mobile. She is really the person I want, she has been the main consistent in my life and my favourite person of all time. I'd be conscious not to ask too soon until I see how her health is then.

I think you're right, being engaged has thrown up a lot of interesting situations with family members. A family wedding seems to bring out characteristics in people you never knew existed, and certainly ones you could never plan for. I just need to make sure to enjoy the next few months, I'll never get them back. So doing what is right for me and my fiance is important.
I almost feel a little lighter having worked this out. :)

I hope your Gran is well enough to escort you. Sounds like a good solution.

I considered forgetting the whole walking down the aisle to my husband thing, I wanted to meet him at the top and walk down together.