Flower girl

[Ednafrommooneyponds]

We can't have as small a wedding as we'd like due to family sizes but we still want to keep things simple; I'm only having one bridesmaid and there aren't any ushers.

Church is booked for May 2020 and here lies the dilemma. BIL (to be) has a 4 month old daughter who will still only be 19 months at the time if the wedding. BIL and SIL are both insistent that niece will be flower girl (apparently I'm being cruel and selfish if I say no) but I think she's be too young and don't want to have to guide her down the aisle etc.

They suggested that SIL but could be bridesmaid as well and could help her down the aisle but I really don't want SIL as bridesmaid as I don't really know her and she's pretty rude and demanding. Any advice on how to deal with this? Thank you!

"No thanks - we're not having any flower girls"

would seem to cover it.

How rude are they ?

A friend had her six-month old niece as "bridesmaid" – obviously she didn't come anywhere near the aisle (accompanied or not), but she wore a pretty outfit, had a few photos taken as part of the wedding party, got a shout-out in the speeches. Would something like that work? Basically an honorary flower girl without the aisle responsibility.

Obviously better if you can give a flat no that they'll accept, but if SIL is difficult and this keeps the peace without changing your day…

Could she have a basket of petals and lead the confetti throwing as you pose for pictures in the church doorway?

BTW, Every sympathy with having a rude SIL.

My sister still isn’t speaking to me 100% because I didn’t ask her daughters to be bridesmaids. We too have a large family and if I asked them, I would end up with 9 children bridesmaids! So we’re just sticking to our own two girls and my best friend

I’m a 2019 bride so I wanted to offer some support!

I’m also generally a people pleaser and found it hard to say no when we found our ‘small’ wedding was going to be larger than expected.
I always planned 1 bridesmaid and 3 flower girls (all family) but an old friend of mine decided she would be my MOH 😡😒

(She’s very good at making me feel awkward and being demanding)

Anyway I ended up going along with this for a while but would always say ‘I’m not having a MOH’ whilst she said stuff like ‘I’m gonna make a speech’ 😂😡

I got much stricter now and said NO.

It’s gone quiet now and she’s stopped mentioning the wedding - but I WISH I’d been firmer earlier!

I also spoke to my mum and MIL about my concerns and they were very supportive.

If you find SIL demanding and difficult I bet you’re not the only one! Get DP and MIL in your corner and repeat things like ‘I just don’t think it would be good for DN to put her on show like that’ - ‘I don’t want any flower girls’

😡 I would even throw out ‘we’re actually considering a child free wedding, so maybe look for childcare just in case’ - this will no doubt shut them up VERY quickly!

All girls are supposed to grow up dreaming of weddings. (Cue my panic when I found myself getting married with no ideas and only 5 months to get them).

Just say that you never had flower girls in your wedding dreams and so you aren't doing it.

Yes to the PP who suggested throwing out the idea of a child free wedding. We had a child free wedding except for the three month old as a) dh is from another hemisphere and I wasn't depriving him of anyone who could possibly come from his side and b) all possible babysitters were at the wedding. It worked for us.

. b) all possible babysitters were at the wedding.

Just no. I'm really sorry we are only having 1 BM. - I could actually sympathise a bit if your DN was 4, 5, 6 etc.....but she won't be bothered that young. Also it's your wedding not theirs.

I'm not seeing the issue. You've said no. Who gives a toss if they think you're cruel and selfish. Decision stands. Get your dh to deal with his family on this.

Just stuck to your guns. She can still wear a pretty dress and will part of the family photos, so what difference does it make?

When we got married, DH's brother was best man, his wife was my maid of honour, but their kids (4 year old nephew and 6 month old twin nephew & niece) were not in the wedding party. The twins wore cute little outfits and were looked after by SIL's parents, DN4 wore a similar suit to the men in the wedding party and sat next to his dad & my MIL. That way we didn't have to worry about them wanting to walk down the aisle!