small wedding - guests

[Ironmanrocks]

Hi all. Please help me to be reasonable, I feel rubbish but I know its not my DP's fault.

We decided to get married before Christmas - been together forever, 1 DS8. we have booked it for the summer as there's no point in hanging around. We originally wanted it to be small, just us, our DS and 2 witnesses. DP decided he wanted to invite his family. They are lovely and there's 10 of them so fine. My family are more tricky. A large family but I hardly see them, so I would invite only my closest members, also 10 of them. We were then going to invite a set of friends each. DP invited a couple we both know who are moving heaven and earth to get there. My closest friends are away in the UK...they could leave on the last day but aren't going to. I understand, kind of. His family will be there. Mine are a bit flaky. One couple aren't going to swap their shifts at work, others haven't confirmed. OK, I can invite another set of friends. But my friends come as a package - there are 4 with husbands and children (an extra 13 people on top of my actual friends)- can I just invite the girls without upsetting them all? I just feel that no-one I love will be there otherwise- DP has already invited his best friend from school with wife and 2 children as well. He has also suggested inviting our friend's 21 year old son! I have said no as so far I haven't even got any friends coming. I just feel like I won't have anyone there and I want to cancel it all.

Sorry I'm feeling miserable. Kick me up the bum please.

Awwww, don't cancel!

It really doesn't matter if the 'sides' are unbalanced. Remember this is about joining you together as a unit, so you could see it as all his family welcoming you to join them.

Have a fabulous day xxx

Bless you. Thank you. You are right of course. I just feel a bit rubbish - I want my friends there too. Maybe Ill just invite them anyway!!!x

It's tricky if you were hoping for a small wedding. 2 things:

1. How would you feel if you were asked to a friend's wedding but told not to bring your DP or DS?
2. How would you explain to your friends why other people have brought partners and children yet theirs where excluded?

Weddings are a pain in the ass! Good luck!

That's exactly my problem!!! I don't know what to do!! I wanted to run away and keep it a secret - this is so much harder. I now know why it's easier to go bigger...

My DH's family fell out big time when close family were not invited to the wedding and haven't spoken to each other for 3 years. It's your wedding, but be wary of the consequences.

So has your DP already invited 17 guests to your wedding which was originally just the to of you?

Sounds like you both want different weddings.

I don’t see the problem in inviting just your actual friends rather than their husbands and kids too.
If they moan then they’re not great friends, the kids definitely don’t care about not being included and to be honest I diybtbte husbands will either

I'd love for my husband to be invited to some things without me, and reverse!

If they're good friends, can you just speak to them and say what you've said here? With a big wedding, you do have to leave it more to the invite instead of having the same conversation a hundred times, but with such small numbers, surely just calling and explaining the situation is for the best!

(I think this is part of why you get such affront with weddings - people you'd normally talk to get a piece of paper that's designed to be read and understood by a hundred people)

I don't understand this need to "balance" numbers of people you knew first with people your dh2B knew first.
You say you've been together forever. You seem to have gone from just you and the dc, to dozens of people.
It isn't your dh's fault your family aren't bothering. You can't really start saying "I have fewer so I'll invite this friend or that friend instead' if you've started off saying you aren't having a big do. It should be the 6/16/30/whatever people that are closest to you as a couple, regardless of who knew them first.

If you are starting on inviting friends, then I personally would love to be invited to a friend's do with a couple of mates, without dh or the dc but I've read enough threads on MN to know that there are many who would be horrified and personally offended by such an invitation. The simplest thing there is to have a conversation with your pals - tell them the situation that you are having a small wedding and not really inviting all your friends, but there is a chance you can sneak 3 or 4 people on to the list - how would they feel about being invited 'solo' ?