Wedding help please! Totally clueless!

[elfintraining]

Hi All

I'm getting married next year and DP and I have decided we would like a child free wedding - I know it's not favourable with a lot of people on here but it's what we want. We don't have our own children together but DP has one child (pre teen)so obviously they will be attending - we have also said it would be a good idea for DSC best friend to come so DSC has company for the evening.
We also have 2 family children coming - one of which is the flower girl and the other will be 2 year old- but that's it.

We worked out the guest list and there are about 10 people on the list that have children (not including the above mentioned)

How do you word an invitation so that it's clear it's only the adults that are invited? Do people literally take it to mean whatever names are on the invites are the only people invited or do they just assume their children are invited too?

Do evening guests need to RSVP or is it just the day guests? Do I need to provide an envelope and stamp for RSVP?

The ceremony is at 1 at one venue and there's a 3 course meal shortly afterwards at another venue - no staff are provided at the other venue only bar staff, and waitresses that come with the catering company, but what happens between end of meal and beginning of reception, do I need to provide entertainment.
Do I need to have music being played during the meal or do people just chat amongst themselves?

There won't be any speeches as no-one wants to do one which is a shame as that would have killed half an hour/hour

Do I need to hire a compare type person to welcome everyone, introduce the first dance in the evening/cutting of the cake etc as there will be no staff there at all to do that?

Who needs to sit on the top table? DP's parents aren't together, DP doesn't particularly get along hugely with his mum and step dad, his real dad is going but he hasn't really spoken to him properly for years so it's all a bit awkward...

I have 5 bridesmaids and their partners coming - none of them are chief/head bridesmaids - does that matter? I don't need them to organise anything with regards to the wedding, I don't want them to organise a hen do so is it just a formality or will title of bridesmaid be ok for all of them?

Can anyone give me any pointers with what to do/don't do with regards food/drinks/seating plans etc etc?

I'm not going to scrimp on a photographer and videographer but can anyone tell me what else I should give a good amount of the budget to and to not spend too much on something else?

Thanks

You seem to be doing a bit of a mash up between traditional and a DIY.

Pesonally I would look at how I could make the wedding work for you as a couple. Is the venue for day guests ( 3 course lunch ) or everyone? And then you are doing food the reception for evening guests?

It sounds like a very long day for those that are all day, without entertainment or something in the middle before the evening bit starts. Plus you are going to end up with guests dressed in nice wedding gear who are fed, have had a few drinks, need the loo etc and a bunch of new faces dolled up arriving ready to party a few hours later. Doesn’t sound great for either group.

Have invites gone out and venues been booked?

From the top...

Due to restricted numbers at the venue only guests listed on the invitation are able to attend.

Evening guests need to RSVP so you know how much evening food to provide (see worst weddings thread from last week), but its not really as important as day guest RSVPs.

We've put our wedding website link, email, and phone number on RSVPs but will include addressed envelopes as well and put stamps on the ones to the people we know will actually post back ie grandparents

You could hire a toastmaster to direct people around but everyone knows what they're doing as far as eating then going back to the bar presumably.

Having a physical schedule of the day for guests to see will help as well, lots of people do pallets or peg boards with the timeline on ie
1 pm - Ceremony
2 pm - Food
4 pm - Cocktails
7 pm - Cake
7.10pm - First Dance
9 pm - BBQ
12 am - Carriages

Your DJ will announce the cake cutting and first dance.

Photographers also have stock in getting people to the right places for photos so they'll do a bit of the ushering about as well.

Toptables rarely work out as most wedding parties have separations and the maid of honour and best man normally have partners they want to sit with.
Either have a sweethearts table (just you and DH) or pop yourselves on a normal table.

You don't need a maid of honour.

Find the worst weddings thread from last week, basically just feed and water your guests from the moment they arrive to when they leave! Don't split up couples or families on your seating plan. Try to minimise the gap between the ceremony and reception and feed and water guests in between

Top things to spend money on:
Venue
Food
Drink
Photographer/Videographer
Dress/Grooms outfit

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3484494-To-ask-about-the-worst-wedding-you-ve-been-too?pg=1

Found it.

Try not to worry too much about the open bar and evening guest comments.

That does not sound like a child free wedding to me. Just a wedding where some children are not invited.

There seems to be a lot of down time. What are your timing for the rest of the day? Can you change getting married to later in the day,

Yes you need all guests to rspv but you just need to provide your contact details.

It's absolutely fine to only ask the kids you stated. On the other invitations just make sure you include the names. So Anna and Andy invite Barbara and Bob to their wedding. No room for confusion as to who it's too.

Thanks for all your comments. The only other time we could have had was 4.30 which we didn't really want as it will be getting pretty dark by then (early winter) so there won't be much opportunity for photos etc

We didn't want the day to blend straight into the night as we really wanted the wedding breakfast rather than diving straight into an evening buffet but i think starting the wedding breakfast at gone 5 almost 6 would be too late do you not think?

We have booked the venue but only paid an initial deposit so we could change to the later time if need be but as I said we didn't want to do it for the above reasons.

The reception venue isn't booked yet but its a friends place and they won't be booking it to anyone else on that date so no worries about that so it doesn't matter about the time for that place, I jsut need to start booking caterers and things so want to be 100% sure what i'm doing which at the moment I have no clue!

Your wedding sounds lovely - the timings are fine. Yes ask evening guests to RSVP but give them an email address or mobile number to text. No stamp required. We are having a pianist to play during the drinks - that's my extravagance. But... We aren't having a disco later (I might put out my flashing light ...lol. And I will hook up an iPod/phone to either the hall sound system or I will buy a new Bluetooth speaker large enough to hear.) I thought people chatting would be entertainment enough....however I am going to bring a box of games for the kids (connect 4, Uno, dobble, Lego etc - I can do this with my children's stuff). At a previous party I did I got a craft box together - places like The Range sell craft kits really cheaply. With hindsight I should have also bought a plastic table cloth as they got glue over the venue tablecloth. You could buy a large carboard photo frame and box of props (charity shop)...and have a sign asking people to take photos, upload them to SM and tag you in them (like a homemade photo booth).