Do you get disappointed by declined invitations

[mintich]

I know they say 20% of your invites will be declined, but I've been really disappointed by friends saying they aren't coming. So far only at save the date stage and 3 friends have said they aren't coming.
One is a very good friend who has known the date for a while and was excited about it, but has now said she can't come as she's going on holiday.
I do have a newborn so perhaps my hormones are crazy, but I had a cry after she told me!

We haven’t sent any out yet but I would feel sad also.

We had a couple of declines after my Save the Dates but they were expected as they were from friends and family who live abroad.
About to send out my proper invites and at this stage I'm hoping to get a few declines to save some money plus RSVP declines are 100% better than people texting you on the day to say they aren't coming or even worse just not turning up!
I have a shortlist of guests that I think will RSVP yes and then flake and my biggest nightmare is all of them not turning up and I'm left with a bunch of half empty tables. I have contingency guests who would be upgraded from evening invites and not be offended but theres not much I can do if people just don't turn up on the day.

Basically it's a minefield, be relieved they've told you they can't come well in advance. As long as you and h2b are there the rest is all irrelevant.

Hmm, I think it depends on a few things.

How far is the wedding to the people invited?
Will it be very expensive for them to attend? Will they require transport/hotel stay?
Are their partners/children invited?
Is it at a tricky time? Weekday/over Christmas/school exam period? Will it require them to take annual leave from work, and do they have any available?

Depends - is it on a random wednesday 200 miles away or key holiday time? Kids allowed? Expensive to stay over?

If not yes I would probably be dissapointed.

I get that you’re super excited about your wedding. But you really can’t expect your friends to arrange their lives around your plans. As a PP says it may depend on kids, distance, expense etc etc.
Enjoy your day and meet up with friends who could come at a later date and share some (not all!!!) of your photos.

We're just about to send out our wedding invitations but we sent out save the dates a year before our actual wedding date (had a couple of people tell us then they couldn't make it then which was disappointing but fair enough) but I will probably feel disappointed if certain people can't make it especially as they've known about the date for so long. But we'll see!
I'm sure you'll have a fantastic wedding

We only had a few declines - but those people told us in good time that they wouldn't be able to attend and didn't make us chase them up.

I was more annoyed by the ex colleague I had invited because we were part of a small team (5) and I had invited the others, who didn't rsvp, and when I text to ask if he could come, he said yes, and then he didn't show on the day, so we wasted money on the meal for no reason! No apology, no nothing!

I'd probably have been the same at the time, I think it's easy to get caught up in it and take things personally etc. Not a dig at you but I think a lot of people planning weddings get the same- I definitely thought it was a much bigger deal than it is. Now I wouldn't think twice about missing someone's wedding if it coincided with the dates for a holiday.
On the day you'll be having way too much fun with the people who are there to notice anyone who isn't I promise!

I get super excited when RSVP’s arrive

We’ve not had any official declines but two of our friends (who very much wanted to come) have a long haul holiday booked over outer date!

They messaged us the day the invite arrived saying they were gutted!

No, I was glad in a way

The ceremony room is very small and if everyone’s had rsvp’d yes it would work out (would have users other room but not as nice)

Also...saving £££ a head.

I was basically of the opinion that we’re having a wedding, come if you want to/can. Some people have other shit going on.

*wouldnt work out

*our

As far as I’m aware, when it comes to notice, it’s like this -

18 months Plus - it’s not really acceptable for close friends/family to be ‘busy’ They’ve had plenty of notice!

12-18 months - There may be a ‘big’ holiday planned but other than that should be fine!

6-12 months- Around 20% declines due to holidays/pre booked stuff is to be expected expected

3-6 monts - Totally acceptable for people to be busy and say no. However, those who really want to come will do and some (close family) could be expected to rearrange plans where possible!

Less than 3 months - 😂😂😂 it’s a 50/50 chance people will be free- no guarantees and unreasonable to expect them to rearrange

Wedding is on a Saturday and kids are invited. I'm having the wedding where I live which is 2 hours from where my friend lives. I've been friends with her for 19 years

MrDarcy it’s not acceptable?
As people on here often say. It’s an invitation not a summons.

Under that circumstance - 19 year friendship - I would be very hurt (are you sure they knew date of wedding prior to booking the holiday?)

Well its her husband's family who have booked the trip as a surprise birthday present for him, and they can all only make that week apparently. I know what she's like and she won't have wanted to disagree with them.

Well of course she won’t want to miss a trip to celebrate her own husband’s birthday!
Hell of a dripfeed.

We knew we were going to have declines - we had the type of wedding that Mumsnet hates

The declines didn’t bother me, except one for a friend who gave no reason and then ghosted me. The ones that did upset me were us spending the final few weeks & days before our wedding chasing people who couldn’t be arsed to pick up the phone or text.

OK. Well that's a different situation. Out of her control really. I would still invite her on the hen etc. Stay friends.

You expected her to ask her husbands whole family to cancel a birthday trip for him for the sake of her going to your wedding?

I hope you're offering a free bar at least.

Of course we'll stay friends. The trio hasn't been booked yet it's going to be booked. I just thought she would have told them she has a wedding to go to.

And yes it's a free bar!

I wasn't too upset by declines particularly distant relatives we didn't really know anyway, but what really boiled my piss was a few people who cancelled last minute... after I'd confirmed numbers to the venue at £80 a head. Barring illness or a family crisis that's just beyond rude.

If it's in school holidays then sometimes it's the only time you can fit in a holiday so as much as you would like to attend the wedding family comes first. Close family and those who are bridesmaids etc yes it's disappointing but remember the only people who are really excited are you, for everyone else as nice as it is, it is just another wedding!

I highly recommend doing what we did, only decide 2 months out, you are just pleased to have pulled everything together so aren't driven crazy by tiny details or worries like why people didn't save the date!

You thought she would turn down a trip with her husband to celebrate his birthday or get everyone involved to rearrange plans and leave etc so she could come to your wedding?

If it was the other way around, I would have said that I have her wedding to go to, so I can't do that weekend.
I'm obviously expecting too much!