Help me word a destination wedding

[Beefandmixed]

Me and oh have finally decided on going abroad to get married, we ideally just want us and the dc and then have a reception when we return but it’s akready been made clear from some friends and family that they would like to come and make a holiday of it, which we are also happy with but we then realised if we didn’t have some type of info on the invitations that we are going abroad for the actual ceremony and some people came and others didn’t we could hurt family/friends feelings. So what I’m trying to ask for help with is the wording of the invites we don’t want to say please come to the ceremony but if you would like to then just let us know followed by the info of the reception. Tia

Hmm tricky one. I think on the actual invitation itself I might be tempted to keep it very simple, simply something like : you are invited to the wedding reception of Beefandmxed and MrBeefandMixed on [date] at [venue], (ceremony will be held privately in FabulousPlace).

Then I would include either a link to a wedding website which seems very popular now, or a simple supplementary sheet, and alongside all the gumpf about transport and running orders and gift lists and hotels etc, you can include something much more longwinded about the ceremony along the lines of:

We have decided to hold our wedding ceremony in FabulousPlace on XX date [details, picture etc]. We fully understand that due to the distance and expense of travel, most of our family and friends are unable to join us for the ceremony. However anyone who wishes to join us for a few days in the sun would be most welcome. Please let us know on xxx if you will be attending.

You may also want to either personally contact any relatives who you are worried about offending, or depute your mother/MIL/other relative to do some phoning around just to make sure no-one has the wrong end of the stick and head off any tantrums at the pass, particularly so it is understood about money and that you aren't funding anyone's flight or accommodation (I assume you are not?). Even if someone is upset and they have no right to be IMO, I would rather know now than right before the wedding.

Thanks for the response, that sounds like a good idea including the info on a separate sheet. Due to most of the guests being family it should be fairly easy to inform people of our plans.

I'd phone all the key people who might expect to be there and explain. These things are so easy to misinterpret written down.

We attended a destination wedding for our friends and they didn’t do invites at all.
They had told all their friends and family the date and destination and left people to organise their own holidays around that date.
They were in a European holiday destination with a lot of accommodation/ travel operator options. They had approximately 40 people in attendance and we only saw them for 2 days of our week’s holiday as we were in a different hotel.

That’s what ideally we were hoping for, people to just enjoy their own holiday and then just all gather for the wedding. It’s so hard trying to keep everyone happy, we thought going away and then doing a reception here would be easiest but clearly not.

Actually I think you will not get what you want. It will end up being 2 events. You will feel obliged to make the abroad bit a 'proper' do as people will have travelled. Then you will still have to do the at home bit as the ones who didn't come will want to celebrate. I think you need to stop this idea they can come out to the wedding. Use one of the techniques favoured by MNetters. 'We're touched that you would like to see us get married, but we are just going away for a private ceremony. The reception for our friends and family is at ___. We would love it if you can come there.' Plus they will want to gatecrash the family holiday too.....there won't be this idea that they only see you on the wedding day. You will be asked 'What are your plans for Monday, shall we do this....what about Tuesday .etc etc" Lol

Agree with User. If you get say 20 people turning up to the wedding then there is at least some expectation that you will join them for drink afterwards or they will want some photos or they will “ help” or invite you to a meal etc etc.
Could be fun, could end up a logistical pain in the neck. Depends on the crowd inviting themselves really. You might have to spend three days politely declining things or attending get togethers you could do without.