Midweek wedding vs asking wedding party to pay for rooms

[greenybluey]

60 guests can stay the wedding venue.
We can afford to either: pay for everyone's stay and have the wedding on a weekday (but it can't be a Friday) or have the wedding on a weekend and ask for a contribution from everyone staying £80-100 per room.
We have to pay for the venue and the accommodation up front.
We initially thought we would ask for a contribution only from those staying who are not part immediate family/ wedding party, but due to DPs huge family most of the rooms would be taken by them, and we can't afford to do it if that many people to stay for free.
Even just the bridesmaids and groomsmen partners take up 12 rooms (yes wedding party numbers are excessive due to aforementioned big families!) which is almost half the accommodation.

The wedding is a few hours away from most guests as we live hours away from where we each grew up and our families are both scattered around the UK. This means if we did it midweek most guests would have to take 2 days off work (or get up incredibly early to drive back in time for work)

I thought best option was to have it at weekend and ask people to pay for the rooms but stress that people don't have to stay if they don't want to. But people will have to pay for some sort of accommodation as barely any of the guests are local. I feel bad about about that but our close ones are based all over the place so there is no location particularly convenient.

I spoke to my bridesmaids about it and they implied it might be a problem to ask for money for the rooms. I've been to lots of weddings recently and most of the time I've had to take a day off work and pay for a hotel, so I didn't think it would be a problem.
It's not like we are demanding everyone comes to the Bahamas for it.
What would you prefer - having to pay for hotel or having to take 2 days off work?

What are the other options for staying over? If there's a Travelodge within reasonable distance, guests might prefer to stay there instead. Can you afford the venue if not ll the rooms are filled?

Would having a mid-week wedding mean that lots of guests wouldn't be able to attend? Eg teachers, school aged children

As a guest I would totally expect to pay for my own accommodation, either at the venue or stay at a B&B nearby. Have been to numerous weddings miles away from home and bride & groom have never paid for my room (whether I'm a bridesmaid or not).

Wedding on a weekday is VVVVV unreasonable. Most people will expect to pay for their own accommodation, but you can't make it obligatory to stay at the venue.

Mid week isn't very convenient. People expect to pay for their own hotel. Perhaps you frame it as this way 'rooms are normally' £xxx a night but as we are having the venue exclusively the rooms are £xx. I would think £80 was a bargain to be honest, especially if i was staying on site. Really though only you know your guests. Is there a lot of other cheaper accommodation close by?

Two days off work is too much of ask, I wouldn’t go down that road. The weekend option is better, I would expect to pay for my own accommodation at an out of town wedding. But you can’t compel people to stay at the hotel and have to give alternative options also such as local B and B/ travelodge that might be cheaper.

Sounds like you can’t afford the wedding you want, but are prepared to expect your guests to pay for it.
Midweek weddings are a pita for people who work Monday to Friday, so if that applies to the majority of your guests, then expect some to decline the invitation.
Some guests might be happy to pay the hotel rate, but some won’t, and that will up the costs to you.
Better to go for something you can afford now, or wait to save up money for the wedding you really seem to want.

Have it at the weekend and just say “for those who want to stay over, there are rooms available at the venue at £xx per night, or here’s a list of alternatives.”

Yeah I thought the same about the midweek wedding, but my friends seem annoyed about the prospect of paying for a room. We've all had to take time off for midweek weddings this year and no one thought that was unreasonable.
We can't afford to do the wedding there if no one pays for the rooms. Can probably afford it if a few of the rooms aren't taken. But we want people to stay - that's kind of the point (because due to families being so scattered we rarely get together)

Is it a condition from the venue that ALL rooms are taken and paid for? If so, you can't really afford the wedding.

Midweek wedding would be a no from us as DH is a teacher, I'd normally expect to pay for accomodation though.

I've been to many weddings where I've paid for a hotel room. I think that's fairly standard. Those advising you they shouldn't have to pay for accommodation sound like they're trying to pull a fast one imo!

"my friends seem annoyed about the prospect of paying for a room."

How very odd of them. I would never expect anyone to pay for my room if I chose to attend a wedding which involved me staying away from home!

Been to plenty of midweek weddings, all perfectly fine. Never been to one where you were asked to pay for accommodation and would be very unimpressed if I was.

I'd rather pay for the room than have it mid week but I think this thread shows it really depends on what is normal in your circle!

”Never been to one where you were asked to pay for accommodation and would be very unimpressed if I was.”

Good grief, really?! So every time you go to a wedding a few hours from home you expect the bride and groom to pay for a hotel for you?!

Yeah all rooms have to be paid for.
Seems silly to pick another wedding venue on this basis - as almost all guest will still need to pay for accommodation.

I honestly can’t see the issue with people paying for a room?! You can say no presents/ money/ gifts or whatever as you understand that paying £80-100 for their accommodation would be enough! I.e their presence.

Give everyone that option and a couple of cheaper options locally. But in fairness, if people are going to have to pay for taxis do and from venue, plus even a travelodge priced room, it’s not going to be that much cheaper anyway!

None of my friends would baulk at this tbh. I really wouldn’t expect my room to be paid for!
I’d 100% do a weekend as a weekday wedding just isn’t the same IMO.

There is a travel lodge near by but it's the same price as the rooms at the venue on the date. Plus they have to pay for taxis.

It is not a normal expectation to have your hotel paid for by the bride and groom. Total cfs!

Then follow flowery's advice

Have it at the weekend and just say “for those who want to stay over, there are rooms available at the venue at £xx per night, or here’s a list of alternatives.”

Just be prepared for a few rooms to be unoccupied and take that into account in your budget.

The only times I've had my room paid for was when DH was an usher or it was close family getting married. The other weddings we've been to (and there have been many!) we have paid for ourselves if we chose to stay over. The best ones have been where we could stay on site TBH!

Whilst you can't force your guests to stay there if it's priced to be cheaper than travel-lodge a taxi ride away, I can't imagine many guests would want to go elsewhere. As you can't make people pay until they want to book, you will have to stump up the money and hoe enough people stay there or choose another venue. I would expect wedding party rooms to be paid for but certainly not other guests!

I wouldn’t mind having to pay for accommodation to attend, but I absolutely would mind that I’d been strong armed into paying an inflated price for a room at the venue in order to reduce the cost to the b&g.

I’m on maternity at the moment and in this situation DH and I booked a room at a cheaper hotel in a nearby village as we simply couldn’t justify spending £££ on a room at the venue when we were skint.

I would rather pay for a room than take two days off work.

When I got married we paid for accommodation for bridal parry the night before but there after it was up to them.

Sounds like your mates don't want to pay for it!

I think it's going to be hard to compel people to stay at the wedding venue even if it's cheaper than the other options and most people would have stay there anyway.

Perhaps you could suggest people stay there and see it as their wedding gift contribution. Obviously worded much better than that

I would not expect the bride & groom to pay for my accommodation.
£80 to £100 seems reasonable to me.
Even a travel lodge is at least £50.

Say there is a limited amount of rooms, first come first served.
As long as you are not making a profit ;) on the rooms, should be OK.

Being honest OP, it sounds like the venue just doesn’t work for you.

Too many people have to travel, there’s an obligation on guests to stay onsite and you can’t afford it at the weekend.

Are you committed to this particular place? It might be more practical to look at another venue which is easily accessible for those who need to travel, but has a bigger choice of nearby accommodation for people to choose from if they need to stay.