FuckfuckfuckFuckfuck - just booked a wedding in 6 weeks

[ParliamentOfRavens]

Short version - been together 5 years and he has always wanted to get married, I have always been less keen not because I don't love him dearly but I've just never been keen on the idea of wedding/marriage.

Life circs have changed recently and for various good reasons it is clear we should get married. We discussed it the other night and both agreed it was a good idea. Right, we said. Let's book a little registry office do asap and get it done. We can always have another big party/pretend wedding next summer to invite everyone when we have time/money to do it properly. So we booked for early Dec. All good.

Except...
Just as I was set on booking the small registry room (half a dozen people, just immediate family) he said that he wanted to send out an open invite on Facebook to his friends. I said that was impossible as we'd never get final numbers and the rooms differed on capacity and had to be booked first. He said he didn't want to get married in secret, he was really happy about it, and looked really hurt, and I got flustered because it was obviously important to him and I agreed to the next size up room (30 people) and agreed to invite some friends too.

So now it isn't a tiny private do with just our parents, it is a proper wedding. There will be approx 12 people from each of our friends there, who we will have to find a place to (at the very least) go and have a drink with afterwards, which probably means it will have to be pre-booked/hired because no where in central london will be that quiet on a Sunday. And god knows where/how much that will be. And since that is a large proportion of my friend group, there is no point doing another 'wedding' next summer, because they will almost all have been to our wedding. So i have to do the wedding proper for this one, including a wedding dress if i want to ever have one, flowers to hold, music etc. Fucking readings, whatever they are. Except of course only 'most' of them will have been, because of constraint of numbers there will be about 8 or so who are not invited and will be hurt.

And what is worse, I am a MASSIVE introvert. I could have coped with the tiny 'real' wedding and then a big silly party later because we'd all know it wasn't real and everyone would have a relaxed piss up, and there wouldn't be any stress because there would be no limitation of numbers, no limitation on booze, and no pressure to be the real centre of attention. Instead, I am terrified. I have to put on a real wedding in 6 weeks that i never really wanted and that probably all my guests will already be too busy to come to, and we won't be able to find anywhere to take those who do, and it will just be an embarrassing cringefest.

I know i'm taking this all to serious and if you've made it this far you'll just want me to calm down, but I am already overwhelmed and stressed about other things at the moment and I really feel like this is the straw that breaks. Can anyone make me feel better?

One step at a time is probably the way forward...

Keep it really really simple (if you want to). In this situation I'd just do a basic registry office wedding and I would probably decide not to worry about readings. Play one song that is significant to you and DH but otherwise just go for background music.

If you share the approximate location of the registry office, mumsnetters can probably suggest some post-service venues nearby.

Make it how you and DH want it to be. Don't worry about anything else.

Take the opportunity to wear the sort of dress you dream of but go for something you'll enjoy wearing and feel comfortable in.

Remember your guests will be there for you. To celebrate and enjoy the occasion with you. Their focus will not be on aesthetics, flowers etc. so only do things to please you on that front.

Is it Marylebone town hall? Getting married there in Feb, so can help with some stuff.
I'm a central London florist, you can PM me for suggestions if you like, I'll be happy to take care of that side of it for you.
Monsoon for off the peg wedding stuff, or just go for a lovely party dress. The Christmas dresses are all in the shops now, so plenty to choose from.
If you've opted for a Saturday, find a bar or restaurant in the City ( city of London, right over and up to Canary Wharf) lots of them aren't as busy as during the week so will cut you a deal for a party. They should be able to do buffet style, or canapés.

The Lamb Tavern in Leadenhall is always a good shout- not too pricey, quite relaxed, great backdrop. Food is lovely.

I did exactly what you have done, by booking a wedding with 6 weeks notice, and got married at 38weeks pregnant. We had 17 guests: We went for a meal first (lunch) at a restaurant and everyone had to pre-order. Then onto the registry office for a short ceremony and home before school kick out time. No cake, no photographer but still very much a special celebration and very much a proper wedding, white maternity dress and all.

I did that too we just all went back to my home for crowded party :D

H&M have just launched some nice affordable wedding dresses, and ASOS have a good selection which are easy to buy, try on, and send back if they're no good xx

We went to my friends wedding a few weeks ago, extremely relaxed, was brilliant! She had a white monsoon dress and some felt flowers from Etsy.

No music, no big do. Ceremony took about 15 minutes then we all had a BBQ. Loved it.

Even though there’s more people that you expected you don’t need to go full on wedding, still keep it small and simple.

Good luck! Have a fab day.

I got engaged in Sept and married the week before Xmas in Wandsworth Registry office with 26 guests. It was easy, we hired a small restaurant within walking distance for the afternoon where we had a meal with lots of wine and champagne, then we got black taxis to our local pub. I’m an introvert too, but it was all very laid back and everyone had a fab time! Could you manage something like that do you think?

Lots of restaurants are v happy with a big afternoon booking. My SIL a massive introvert (as am I ) did this it was ace.

The ones who won’t fit on....our extras just stood at the back. There was a bit of eye rolling from the registrar but they didn’t chuck them out.

But you could just go to a nice pub and put on some fizz and nibbles. And then everyone gets their own. Again for an afternoon they’ll keep a section free. Your guests won’t mind!

And dress from Debenhams or monsoon or phase eight ....

Is it worth revisiting the frirnds/ room situation. You said there are friends not invited because of numbers. If the bigger room is not to £££ I would invite who you want to. Are there friend's not on Facebook that will miss this and be hurt.

There is some potential for this to back fire a bit re the friends that now the dust has settled may need a revist/ think.

Our wedding went from the two of us and two witnesses we had planned to about 30 guests because dh changed his mind with a week to go. I wasn't exactly ecstatic about it, but we had a lovely day. After the ceremony we went to a snazzy hotel for afternoon tea which was perfect.

Try Needle and Thread for a beautiful dress, not to wedding-y and won't break the bank. Have a blow dry and go to a Bobbi Brown counter for your make up, book it in advance, they are the best for low key pretty looks. Have a look on Pinterest for a bouquet, it doesn't have to be a traditional white one, but do treat yourself to a lovely one. Even though it's a small wedding, it is your wedding and you will look back and be happy you made it a special day rather than just nipping into the registry office and into the pub for a drink!

Enjoy your day 🎉

Could you book a room in a nearby community hall and ask everyone to bring a dish and a bottle or order in buffet food from Tesco? That way costs are down and you don’t have to worry about numbers. I am sure people won’t mind especially as it is a relatively last minute thing.

I bought a dress I liked (and could wear again)
registry office and a meal at a pib nearby after. done.

Thank you all so much, you are a lovely bunch of vipers and I really feel calmer reading these.

LadyOfTheCanyon yes, it is! Congratulations on your upcoming wedding too. thank you for your offer of advice on the flowers, I may well take you up on that. I don’t suppose you’re open on a Sunday are you? Very good call on the City being quiet at the weekends, I hadn’t thought of that.

Sadly, no affordable community spaces that I know of in that part of London (But any suggestions for rooms/hireable pub spaces for a Sunday around the Marylebone road area, esp unusual ones, very gratefully received.)

I am going to spend today looking through all your dress shopping suggestions and breathing into a paper bag , thank you!

Just PMd you with my details.

The Potting Shed at the Dorset square hotel is a nice restaurant/bar which is 5 mins walk from MTH. There's a few places round Lisson Grove ( some of my family have lived round that way for generations) but they are a bit on the 'earthy' side.
Fischers in Marylebone high street is a lovely restaurant that has atmosphere and isn't toooo pricy.
What about posh fish and chips at The Seashell?

I did it in 4 weeks.

A wedding and lunch in a hotel, so only one venue. Kept the usual flowers that they had on the tables, and they produced a simple bouquet for me. So flowers were stress free.

Walked in to a wedding dress shop and said I'm getting married in 4 weeks so please only show me dresses that I can buy off the rail with minimal alterations. So stress free.

Hand wrote all my invitations. No printing stress.

It was rather stress free actually and a lovely relaxed day. As it was a wedding and lunch only there was no need to organise a 'party' as such.

Marriage didn't last unfortunately but the wedding was a lovely day.

It is very reassuring hearing all these success stories.

LadyOfTheCanyon I haven’t received a pm from you - not sure how long they usually take, but thank you anyway. If I still haven’t received it later i’ll try and chase with mnhq.

I also did it in 6 weeks. (Also around Christmas time!) we sent texts for invitations (this was pre social media). Mum made my dress and DS bridesmaid dresses. We did our own makeup and hair. A friend did the photography. Another friend made the cake. The men hired their suits. As it's Christmas, most venues are already decorated.

Re, the after party, you can make it as simple as you like. I just had 120 people to celebrate my 40th in the local school hall, we did a jacket potato bar with chilli (meat and veg), cheese and sour cream. I asked everyone to bring drinks. It was honestly wonderful. Table decorations were conkers, tea lights in jars and pansies in tin cans. We connected an iPod to speakers and everyone took turns in choosing songs. It was honestly one of the best nights of my life. My mum made some rustic bunting (any excuse to get the sewing machine out) which I loved.

Good luck!!!

You can do this! I did it on a similar timescale, in October ('when is the next Saturday appointment available at the Register office'). Lots of dress choices off-the-peg in the abovementioned shops.
My numbers were a bit smaller, 14 for the ceremony and restaurant (Saturday afternoon booking helped to find availability) and then everyone came to our modest semi and we were joined by about 40 close friends for cake (home made 2-tier chocolate cake) and champagne (my parents contribution). We're not party people so it was a relaxed simple day. The only real challenge I had was finding a B&B for the close family that ideally had space for them all and a ground floor room for granny! And in walking distance of our home. This was before our city got multiple Travelodges and premier inns...

Odd! Let me try again. I'm on the app, so I've been trying to do it on the desktop version on my phone -not easy!

One last thought. Does the reception have to be close to the wedding venue? If not that would give you a lot more options.

Wow. This is exactly why I don't want to get married because I know it would turn into a "thing" and I'd have to invite people and wear a dress etc. Good luck!

Thank you thatmustbenigel, it’s nice to know i’m not the only one that views this sort of thing with mounting horror (caveat - love my dp dearly etc etc).

I had to woman-up and call my parents this morning and my DM was so happy and gushy and going on about how marvelous it all was, and i was going “it’s just a quick thing and then a drink afterwards, it doesn’t change anything” over the top of her in a slightly desparate tone of voice. I felt like the grinch at christmas, but honestly that overthetop-ness makes me want to spend the ceremony inside a wardrobe and just pass a note out at the appropriate moment that says “i do”.