GIFTS - not another drama about this one!

[CableCar23]

Over the years I've seen loads of threads on this but now it's my turn for a wedding and want to clarify this in my mind.

We don't want gifts - genuinely nothing. We don't want money either.

I think it's rude to mention anything in invites so we haven't done. I think its fine to mention nothing and that most of our friends know us and will get it. If anyone asks we can tell them. However my motherofthebridezilla mother has other ideas. Having invited about 10 of her friends who are all much older she thinks they will want to know about gifts. To be fair my mil also agrees that a gifts policy should be 'addressed' so people know what to do.

As a compromise, we do have a wedding website for RSVP's and travel info etc. I don't really even want to put a dedicated page on there entitled "gifts" as feel it's too OTT. I was thinking about adding it to the last section which has FAQ type info and just saying "we really don't want gifts and are simply looking forward to your company".

Is this an okay compromise??

It is fine as a compromise, but you have to accept that people like to give a gift.
It is just good manners - when you are invited to any celebration, you take the person (or, in the case of a wedding, the couple) a gift.
You will end up with 'stuff'. It is up to you if you choose to have stuff you want, or random stuff that other people have had to try to think of for you.

I think you need to address it somewhere as gifts are definitely a tradition of being a guest.
We 've asked for no gifts but asked people to take photos if possible. Maybe ask for cards or signing a book or something as a token to say they shared your day.
Guests will be happy if they know what's expected. I think people will give something otherwise be it money, fizz or some weird token gift otherwise.

Definitely make a Gifts page on the wedding site and state the policy. Give people an out if they want to, like "If you feel you must get a gift, please donate to (some charity or other) as it means a lot to us".

If you don't, you may end up seeing a thread here "Friends having a wedding but leaving no clues on gifts - would £50 be okay?" and the like.

Be kind to your guests and inform them.

It's tradition and common place to buy a gift though. So if you don't want this, then you need to address it somewhere as you will get gifts and money if you don't. I bet, even if you do put that you don't want anything on your website, you will still get money in cards. It's just what people do.

If it's a big wedding, you'll get random stuff/money whether you tell people or not. You just will.
We have a house and all the stuff we need- we just want to have a party with friends. I've made clear to those that have asked that it's a no present wedding, but older relatives will want to do something so we'll just accept what we're given ( and hope for champagne!)

If it's a small wedding you can try and get round it like I am by asking nearest and dearest to contribute with time and assistance. Some friends are making cakes, one friend is providing cheese and biscuits, one is in charge of making bunting, one is helping me make my jewellery etc etc. They all offered before I had even thought about asking.
It is difficult, though. I didn't think I'd be worrying about half the stuff I am!

If you don't mention that you don't want gifts, you will get something from every single person who attends, as it is the done thing and would be massively rude to turn up with nothing. People will spend time and effort choosing something as they have not been directed by a gift list or similar. They will spend money on gifts that you do not want.

If you genuinely don't want gifts, state this clearly on your website. No one will be offended and will appreciate finding this info easily.

You will probably still get some gifts anyway!

"No gifts please" on your invitations.

Or, on your website: "Having you here to celebrate with us on our wedding day is enough of a gift, but if you feel you would like to get us something, a donation to [Cancer Research UK/NSPCC/RSPCA] in our names would be much appreciated."