Wedding where one side is tiny amount of family and friends and on side is massive.

[YourHandInMyHand]

I'm quite an introvert and DP quite an extrovert. We both have a nice bunch of good friends each but DP is one of those people who knows and befriends everyone whereas I am more quiet and reserved. I'd maybe have 20 guests as friends including their partners, DP could easily invite 100 and probably much more! Family wise we both have separated parents. I'm no contact with one parent and the other is still single. His parents both have new partners but one side is still holding a grudge and resentful and he's not sure they'd be civil on his big day.

If we got married I can see all the usual wedding stresses being factors eg who to invite, how many, this one won't talk to that one etc.

We've talked about getting married abroad, my thinking to avoid this and just have a big party afterwards but he then said he'd love to invite his friends to the abroad part too. I'd not want that as I know the people truly important to me wouldn't be able to afford it, so we'd have people there less important to us while people I'd love to have there couldn't make it.

I wondered if anyone else had similar situations and how they found a solution they were happy with. I think I'd just like to elope or do the wedding abroad during a family holiday, and then big party for everyone when we get back, but like I say even this solution DP wants his "mates" there.

Not me, but a very close friend whose bridesmaid I was had a really unbalanced guest list.

It's not clear from your post what exactly you're worried about - do you not want a big do, or is it the imbalance that's a concern you?

If it's the latter, I wouldn't worry. In my friend's case, her fiancée had about twice as many people on the list as her and no one noticed on the day. Scrap the old fashioned thing of having bride's and groom's sides at the ceremony, and everyone will mingle and be lovely at the reception.

If you don't want to be the centre of attention for so many people, sit down and talk to your OH about it - you might find him very understanding.

And of course, if he's the one pushing the big wedding, he can do the admin for it!

I'm finding a similar thing with my wedding abroad.
DP's friends are mostly older and self employed like him, so all have been able to say yes on the RVSP's.
My friends are younger and have small children and less flexible jobs.
Although we invited similar numbers, his were all able to say yes and mine had to really think about logistics.I have done a "second round" but I think he will still have more of his friends there.
Possibly this would have been easier to manage if we had decided on a local venue. We may have a party for all those that don't make it for that reason.
Our designation requires a civil ceremony first. Could you do that in a registry office here with just family? There would be no pressure to be civil if they don't get to talk. Then have a service abroad which can be done your way. You don't have the formalities ( and falling out) with traditional structured weddings. I think most people behave on the day...it's the before and after that are problematic!

It's all pure conjecture for us at the moment as in we have no date set, but we seem to have been at soo many weddings recently that it's often a topic of conversation.

I'm not one to like being the centre of attention. For example I've never as an adult had a birthday party or even a birthday gathering with friends for drinks or a meal, I prefer a meal with my DP. However I do like the idea of a party for our wedding e.g. a night time reception.

I guess I'm thinking of a lot of little factors. The cost (this is a big one we are not flush!), the feeling of there being hardly anyone there "for me", the expectations of having to invite everyone, etc. I think if we were both asked I'd prefer something smaller and he would prefer a massive thing. We will obviously chat about it lots but I was just curious if others had been in the same situation.

For me a wedding abroad would be no guests. If he feels the opposite and only wants it with guests there I guess we just rule that option out.

I think maybe we will likely do a small wedding, big reception, and then a holiday/honeymoon. Looking into the costs of weddings even slightly makes my eyes water!

We have that problem, I have 6 family members coming to our wedding and my partner has 57, I actually joked last night I might just ask all the mums from our toddler group to pretend to b my family to even it up a bit
Im definatly having a pick a seat not a side sign

When Dh and I got married his guest list had 30 ish people there and I had six. Hi sorry cousins were ushers and just made sure to tell people to so they where they wanted, there was no bride's side/ groom's side.

-Hi sorry should be His

I would suggest small wedding - immediate family /friends - the people you really want there..

and then party for everyone else if there is a need for big party!that also gives you greater freedom with venues /timing of what you do..

We had 30 people at our wedding, including dh and I.
From my side there was: myself, my best friend who was my bridesmaid, my friends boyfriend, my dad, my mum, stepdad, brother, sister, aunt and grandad. So 10 people from my side. The rest were dh's family and a few close friends.
The reason being it was a very short engagement- 3 months engaged, 2 months from setting the date until the day. And we got married where we live, which is 250 miles from where I'm from and my family live. So at such short notice I knew only immediate family would be there. Dh's family and friends live here (where we live). So it was much easier for them to attend.
The reception was where my husband worked (no separate evening), so of course that meant his colleagues were there working, which again wasn't a problem at all, even though it was more unbalanced.
Honestly it made no difference at all.

How bothered are you about having a "fancy" wedding?

If the answer is "not at all" or "not very", how about going down to the registry office with your parents and a couple of your closest friends, having a quick civil ceremony and then a posh lunch somewhere before going off on a honeymoon, and then when you get back hiring out a bar, getting a buffet and sticking some money behind the bar and inviting all your friends to come and celebrate?

My friend had the opposite imbalance (her family is massive whereas DH has few family and few UK friends). She just instructed all her friends to sit on his side. He didn't care - just wanted to be married, and was happy for her to have whatever wedding she wanted.

I agree with PP who said it made no difference at all on the day.

I don’t think an imbalance matters per se. However, when DH and I got married, I was solely paying for the wedding. His family would have outnumbered mine 10:1 if we had invited the usual aunts/uncles/cousins etc so we cut it back to less than 30 people in total. I’d im honest, I would have resented paying for it to be 90% his side. There were lots of predictable moans from his side about this, but I didn’t really care tbh.