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Original poster

A children at weddings question

24 replies

AliasGrape · 04/09/2018 16:30

We're only just starting to plan getting married, have a couple of venue ideas in mind and once we've settled on one, and worked out there availability then hopefully we'll have a clearer picture.

So, there are going to be a lot of children at our wedding. I have 8 nephews and nieces, ranging from 18 months to 12. They are a big part of our lives - we (well mostly me) babysit often, have family days out with them, they come for sleepovers etc. So they will be there no matter what.

I'm just thinking where to draw the line with inviting other children. There potentially will be the following children on the day:

8 - family only, everyone else will be told their children can't be accommodated, potentially meaning they can't make it.
11 - the 8 family, plus best friend from uni's 1 child, plus close friend known for over 16 years 2 children. Both of these friends will be invited with their partners, but will need to travel from the other end of the country for the wedding so will be at least 2 days and one night away from home - a big ask anyway nevermind bringing asking them to leave their children.
20+ - we invite all the above children plus all the children of our more local friends and guests. Nobody can complain their children aren't invited, I spend hundreds on kids meals, and for balance we end up with about 40 adult and 20 child guests which will make it a very different kind of day.

I know it's early to be thinking about this, but it impacts on the kind of venue we'd choose, how much space we'd need etc etc, so I want to have a vague idea of where we're going to draw the line before I start shortlisting venues.

What would you do?

OP posts:

Original poster

AliasGrape · 04/09/2018 16:31

Argh

THEIR availability - I'm not even on my phone so don't have that excuse.

OP posts:

Glitteryfrog · 04/09/2018 16:39

Some guests will be happy to leave their child with sitters for the day. Especially when there are two...
We invited all children and about 60% came.
We had some toddlers left at home but babies came.
Four year old came - her toddler sister was left at home etc.

GreenTulips · 04/09/2018 16:42

Big marque - children's buffet - get a few childminders to do games after food.
Preferable a location that have 'park facilities' or hire a bouncy castle.
Main guests can eat in piece.

Or one giant outdoors picknic
Or hog roast

Bitchywaitress · 04/09/2018 16:46

8-11-20, I can’t see much difference tbh.

If you invite all possibly not all parents will want to bring them anyway.

Disclaimer, I love children at weddings!

Mitzimaybe · 04/09/2018 16:51

We said family children only, but our long-distance guests didn't have children anyway, so it wasn't much of an issue. Didn't stop one of the evening guests turning up with a child we've never met who wasn't even hers! People can get upset if some are allowed to bring children and others aren't, but if you have a "family only" rule then that's fairly clear. Also you have to accept that maybe not everyone will come if they can't bring their children. Don't not invite the kids then get huffy if the adults decline the invitation.

Knittedfairies · 04/09/2018 16:52

I can see your dilemma, but I think the first option i.e. family only would be the fairest (and most easily defendable!), otherwise people in option 3 might get a bit huffy that they didn’t make the cut into option 2.

freshstart24 · 04/09/2018 17:01

We had a similar issue to you OP. In the invitations we popped a note explaining that if everyone bought their children we would be over capacity, so we were hoping that if people felt comfortable coming without their children they would do so, BUT if they would like to bring their DC then they were very welcome to do so.

The vast majority of people replied and indicated they weren't bringing their DC.

Mummyme87 · 04/09/2018 17:08

We are inviting almost all children. Ones we aren’t will be where the partners aren’t invited. Looking at 26 including our own. Some won’t being them but a lot of guests will be travelling far so leaving them with a sitter isn’t an option. We will have some childcare and play area options

Original poster

AliasGrape · 04/09/2018 17:29

Yeah I think childcare/ play options is the way forward.

I know it doesn't seem like a huge difference but with a smaller number of children we'll squeeze into venues that have a 50 capacity (it will be a civil ceremony and reception in same place ideally) , 11 chidren will take us over that but probably just doable with some of the littler ones sitting on knees, 20 + (I've just counted and it's actually 26 like you @Mummy ) and it rules out some venues - which is fine but just need to know before we pick somewhere.

OP posts:

dracolovesharry · 04/09/2018 17:43

Why don't your sound out your friends with kids first and tell them why? I'd be fine with someone asking me if I wanted/needed to bring my dc.

Mummyme87 · 04/09/2018 17:49

Yeah maybe just have a chat with friends other kids. I know most of our friends with kids couldn’t come without them as no childcare so for me that would mean I would definitely invite kids.

WildFlower2018 · 04/09/2018 18:49

I invited all children to my wedding and nearly all of them left the kids with family or a sitter. Just a handful of people bought their kids 😊

ProseccoPoppy · 04/09/2018 18:55

I’d be really happy if a friend gave me a ring to have a chat about children/no children. For example I would happily leave my toddler with my parents (she would be very happy and loves spending time with them) but would not be ok to leave my EBF 5 month old (also most venues wouldn’t count him or charge for him). If the baby couldn’t come I’d have to (politely and reluctantly) decline.

Mummyme87 · 04/09/2018 19:20

I’m same as prosecco. 4yr old would love to leave with someone although don’t have that option and 7month old is breastfed so would definitely have to bring him

MaggieMcSplash · 04/09/2018 19:30

I think family only. All our friends have kids so we had this dilemma. We agreed on family only and dp's godchild.

Popsicle434544 · 04/09/2018 19:40

We are having family children and my god children which makes 13, if invited all our friends kids rhere would be 34 which is alot so our invitations will addressed to the parents only, hopefully they will come without the kids but if they bring them or ask (I won't say no) then it's not a problem, we will just manage

Marmaladegin · 04/09/2018 20:28

We had the same scenario. I said on invite something like "regret not inviting your beautiful children. Only children of close family and guests traveling long distance". I called all my close local friends first to sound them out (as I would have been upset if they'd declined). They were, without exception, overjoyed to have an excuse for a child-free day

Original poster

AliasGrape · 04/09/2018 20:37

Thanks everyone, I think you’re right I’ll sound people out a bit first.

OP posts:

MouldyVoldy · 04/09/2018 23:36

Ah, Alias, we meet again!
I will be having similar dilemmas. Mine and OH families include a large amount of children. Ranging from 9months to 14. (Though, will be more like 2.5 to 16 by the time it comes around)
And I worked out that if we invited all our friends children as to well, we are looking at 35+ I always imagined I would have a child friendly wedding. But that's so many children!
Not sure what the answer is really. But I think I'm just going to invite some of them, and not others. People can be annoyed if they like 🤷‍♀️

Original poster

AliasGrape · 05/09/2018 00:39

@Mouldy waves

I really wanted it to be relaxed and child friendly too, but 26 is almost class size (teacher here, despite endless typos on these forums!) and I’m conscious of not wanting to plan what is essentially a very fancy children’s party

I’m going to sound the friends who would be travelling out about what they would prefer and take it from there, although no rush to do so as after starting this thread DP phoned to tell me he has been made redundant, we weren’t expecting it so I think plans will be taking a backseat for a while. :(

OP posts:

TheBlueDot · 05/09/2018 00:43

Family DC plus accommodating the DC of guests who’re travelling. 20 DC will change your day.

OpenThatTrapDoor · 05/09/2018 06:20

We’re going with family children only, plus any young babies if there are any. I’d aways imagined having a very child friendly wedding, but the reality is 38 out of our 70 guests would be children which I just don’t think works.
Our dilemma is that there is one couple that we’re really close to who really don’t have childcare options. I want to make an exception for them (and would for others with similar issues) but not sure how to word/handle it without risking pissing people off!

5068TLM · 05/09/2018 15:29

What if you invite everyone, and then put on a children's party in another room whilst you have your wedding breakfast?

My friend did this at her wedding, my son was a pageboy, and at the time, I was a little vexed about him not being invited to the main meal table. However, ten years after the event, he may well have had a better time of it, and it did provide grown up time for me.

Do the sums, if a children's party that can have beanbags or those sleepover beds put out after ( you could collect them in from parents prior to the wedding and transport them over to the venue the day before, rather than hiring), and a couple of babysitters at first, suits your budget, it may be the way to go.

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 05/09/2018 19:33

Definitely sound people out.

We invited all children (which would have meant about 6 or 7 under threes if all of them came). None of them are coming because all the parents have decided of their own accord to have a child free night.

It would be a shame if you missed out on a smaller venue you liked because you invited all the children and then they didn't come anyway.

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