Wedding Gift List - What to Do??

[OrangesandLemons88]

Another wedding question from me - I am on a roll at the moment!

What is the general consensus on gifts / wedding lists these days?
This question is mainly for people aged 20's & 30's / millenials who have been to numerous weddings over recent years - I mean no offence older MN users but I know this is a rapidly changing aspect of weddings at the moment...

Neither me or my DP are keen on having a registry / gift list. We earn a reasonable amount together and don't feel to comfortable requesting gifts.

We are setting up a wedding website and need to say something about wedding gifts as people have already started asking.

Our thoughts are:

a) say "no gifts". The cons are that some kind people may still insist on buying and we end up with things / toasters / home bits etc we don't really want

b) say no gifts but if anyone insists then we would value a donation to charity of our choice. The cons of this are people might not think out is personal enough and may still want to buy a gift??

c) Say no gifts and for those who insist suggest a donation to a cause my fiancé and I are both involved in (a local charity we volunteer with)

d) Say no gifts but if anyone insists we would value contributions to our honeymoon fund (uncomfortable with this one)

It would be great to hear what others have done and general consensus.

Anything but 'd'.

We didn't mention gifts at all.. And if anyone asked, we said just being yourselves. We were given money and champagne despite this!

If you are uncomfortable keeping any money given to you, you could always donate it. Or put it away for rainy days.

Honestly, I think the only polite thing to do is not mention gifts at all on the invitation, not even to say you don't want any.

When/if people ask you what you want, you can then say "nothing" or "a charity donation" or whatever.

You will get some gifts anyway, and so what if you don't happen to love/need it? That's life - and that's what lofts and charity shops were invented for. Having said that, you're most like to het cash in a card anyway.

On no account ask for money. It's rude no matter how many people do it with shit poems.

haha banana is am inclined to agree with you about asking for money.

The only thing is Blondie a number of people have already asked us and to be honest some of them have a dodgy track record of buying us stuff for our home - ever so kind of them but a complete bore when we have to get out the garish plates / bright pink tiger ornament (I kid you not) every time they come round...!

Hence why I'm wondering if it would be sensible to pre-empt this...?

Get a gift list, otherwise you’ll get unwanted presents. Only on Mumsnet are they considered rude, my experience is they’re preferred by guests!

John Lewis let you have the option to buy vouchers.

My cousin was reluctant to have a gift list so only made a small one with a total value of around £100. A relative bought all of it and told him to make a proper list. (Irish wedding, presents are very generous).

We had a tiny wedding so didn’t have a gift list but when people asked my parents, they said give money! Again, Irish family so cash/cheque is very common. Others got us vouchers for major stores or restaurants.

We said no gifts but suggested a token memento-type item people could give us if they didn’t want to come empty-handed - I reckon will save us having to do guest list as well. We didn’t want to ask for money, I’m allergic to champagne (I know ) and live in a little flat that’s already too full of stuff.

Not a guest list, a guest book

I did get an invitation that said something like:

No gifts, please...just bring your wonderful selves. If you feel so inclined, though, a donation to X charity would be amazing".

That worked quite well, I think. Not po faced like "No gifts" is.

Only on mumsnet are they considered rude

You know that MNers are actual real living people, right?

A gift list isn't rude. A gift list included with the invitation IS rude, and I don't know anyone (in real life) that doesn't think so.

There are, of course, lots of ex-brides on MN who had gift lists/begging poems in their invitations but no one, of course, told them to their faces it was rude...so they are none the wiser.

I’ve never met anyone in real life that thinks so. Quite possibly because of the previously mentioned Irish family traditions - giving a tenner in a card would not even be considered for an Irish wedding!

MIL (who I get along very well with) suggested we do a money poem!

Have a gift list so you can tell people
If they ask. My parents got married in the 80s and got 10 clocks, some with matching lamps.

Honestly, all but 4 weddings I have been to in the last 5 years (15+) have requested cash as presents (in one form or another, those 'honeymoon fund' websites seem to be gaining in popularity). I don't mind giving cash at all, despite the general consensus on MN that this is rude. It is very normal nowadays. I prefer the info re cash being preferred present to be straightforwardly set out on wedding website or supplementary info sheet than in a twee poem on the invite itself but that's personal preference!

Of the 4 weddings I've been to that didn't say cash as presents, one had a traditional gift list, one asked for donations to a charity that was very meaningful to the couple and two said no presents please. Of those latter two, one actually meant that they didn't want presents (they did get some anyway) and one secretly wanted presents but you had to get hold of the bride and groom and question them intently to find out what they actually wanted. Guess which is the only wedding present to have caused angst and hassle in my household the last 5 years (hint, it's not the ones that asked for cash)!

I think all your options are fine, just whatever you do, stick to what you say and don't confuse people! And make sure you thank everyone politely for any gifts/donations received, wanted or unwanted.

What about no gifts, but asking for something small but meaningful - eg fave book, album (if you still have CD/vinyl), plant, photo of guest plus you, recipe etc

Just don't mention anything. It's 2018, nobody seriously writes "money poems" these days, do they?

And I seriously doubt any of your friends will rock up on the day with a toaster

FWIW we didn't mention anything either, back in the mists of time (2004). Still ended up with money and champers - very lovely of the givers and gratefully received by us. (We bought some new bedroom furniture and a washing machine!)

We said no gifts. Not on the invitation itself but on the card with accommodation details etc. included in the same envelope. Alternatively charity donations to the charity you volunteer with is a good idea. Just no to asking honeymoon contributions or cash, it’s tacky as fuck. And if you say nothing at all you’ll get random gifts you didn’t want, friend last of ours took this approach and got some really bizarre stuff ranging from a cookbook in a language they don’t speak, several cheapo scented candles, 2 ornamental spoons, cheesy sayings on signs etc. And I’m in my (very) late 20s if that matters.

E) just say nothing. Most people will give cash and the few that will pick out a personal strange gift will have done that regardless. Accept these will grace and move on.

It’s really rude to put ‘no gifts’ on an invite. Telling people to make charitable donations is just as bad.

Do and say nothing. Asking for presents is grabby and tacky. Asking for money is even worse.
You don't get married for presents or money. We didn't mention it at all. A few people did ask what they could get us or what we wanted. We said your company on the day is all we want from you.

We didn't say anything and got money off nearly everyone

A donation to a meaningful charity is nice.

I'm in your invitee demographic. We've been to about 40 weddings in the last 7 or 8 years.

Almost everyone has a website. All the websites mentioned gifts in some form or another. Probably 5 or 6 weddings had a traditional gift list. The rest have asked for charity donations or honeymoon £, in one case they'd just bought a wreck of a house and asked for renovation £. No guests have seemed offended by any of these options.

If I were you I'd go with the charity or honeymoon option. The requests for money is crass thing is something I've only come across on MN (and in one case in real life by someone who outed herself as a MNer by pissing herself laughing when I offered her a pom bear)

Other things that are handy for the website are local hotels and taxi numbers and also if you've guests travelling then a lift share option where people.can say where they're coming from and potentially buddy up with people to share on petrol etc.

I'm 32 and have been to about 10 weddings in the last few years.

Most people did some form of your option D. One couple gave bank details with their invitation, which I know most people on Mumsnet would say was horribly rude and grabby but it didn't really bother me or my parents (who were also invited). Another couple did a similar thing but they had a Trailfinders account and used the gifts to pay for their honeymoon. Another couple said "no gifts please" but I felt a bit awkward when I realised that other people brought gifts anyway and we hadn't (so I would probably ignore that in future). Others I can't remember, but I think everyone we've bought a wedding gift for has had money in some form or other, except for one couple we knew really well (we did a hamper of posh food together with a couple of other mutual friends).

We are getting married next month and we are saying nothing and just hoping that people have the sense to give us money if they want to give anything. (We have no space in our flat for any more things but would love to use any cash gifts to buy furniture for our new place.)

We’re gettig married next year and are just not going to say anything about gifts on the invite/website. We’re mid-30s, have a home and don’t need anything for it and we’re happy to pay for our own honeymoon and I’d feel really uncomfortable asking for money for that.
Genuinely do just want our wedding to be a celebration for us with our friends and family, we don’t need or want gifts. If people ignore that it’s up to them, but if anyone asks we really will be emphasising that they shouldn’t be buying anything.

This isn't rated to age.

The etiquette what it always has been.

You don't pre-emptively say 'gimme'

You do give out information on what gifts would be welcome when someone asks

You do recognise that some of your guests will buy items, whatever you say.

If you do not want gifts, then you tell people that, or use a gift link on you website to say that.

Further enquirers should be told exactly the same, and the more they persist, the ruder they ar, but uortunately you can't be rude back

If you do after all want gifts (to charity or in cash) do not say 'no gifts'. But do make a clear statement about gifts to charity to mark the occasion (free choice, specified list, or celebration giving page).And for cash, just say so.

We are getting married soon (late 20s). We have a website and there's a "gifts" tab. It has a paragraph (not rhyming!) that says that all we really want is for our family and friends to join us, and we really appreciate the effort. Then a second paragraph saying that we already have all the house stuff we need, so if people really want to get us gifts then we'd appreciate a donation to our honeymoon /house renovating fund.

I know it's slightly tacky, but we have lots of wealthy older relatives, and I'm hoping the wording means that people don't feel they have to give us anything.

I kind of object to the "ask the parents what they want" thing, as my parents aren't "hosting" our wedding, we are. It's in our city, hundreds of miles away from them, we've planned it, and we're mostly paying for it.

We did d) no mention on the invitations but on the wedding website a link to our honeymoon fund if, and only if, people really wanted to give something. And the honeymoon fund was chunked down into £5 pieces to suit anyone's circumstances.

I know that's considered CFery of the highest order on MN but in RL people found it the best solution. Most people do insist on getting wedding presents! It's only polite to prevent them wasting their money or time getting stuff you don't want or need.

The thing is most people will give you money the ones that are going to buy a bright pink tiger will do it regardless of what you say.
If there are a few bits you’d like for your home set up a list and pass that on if people ask. Prime your parents because relatives will ask them as well with a few things you like.

We isn’t have a list we really didn’t need anything or expect it but lots have us money, we got some lovely towels, mugs and photo albums.

The best list I seen was exh’s coudin. They had nothing under £150 and had a games consol and a massive trampoline on it amongst other odd things. They didn’t have dc to even use that as an excuse.