How to tell parents I'm eloping....

[Bluenon]

Next week?
Backstory:
DP and I have been together for four years, both 22/23, have two DC together and live on the other side of the country from my family. I see them about three times a year. I wouldn't say we're close but we're not not close if that makes any sense, if I had a problem then I'd talk to my mum and dad about it. We wanted a 'proper' wedding in a church, guests, food etc but in the last few months our financial situation has become a lot more difficult and we wouldn't be able to afford this for ages. We decided that we want to elope as that suits what we want, a nice and intimate ceremony in a registry office 40 mins away. Problem is it's on Wednesday and I've not told my parents/uncle etc yet. They're going to be devastated, how should I go about telling them? TIA x

I wouldn't until after, that's the whole point of eloping. We told mine ahead of and it caused a lot of upset - we ended up with a small wedding and changed the plan.

If you go ahead and do it, there isn't much that can be done afterwards and it doesn't give them the feeling of dread on the day.

Are you planning to invite anyone? DH and I eloped, we told no one and had strangers as witnesses.

As above, tell them after.

I've messaged her saying I need to tell her something a few hours ago, wouldn't she be more annoyed if I told her after??

Surely the whole point of eloping is that you don't tell anyone and don't go through this kind of angst!!!!!

That’s not eloping. It’s getting married with no family and friends.

To elope you need to just do it and tell them after.

Are they that invested in a traditional wedding? Friends of mine eloped - they ostensibly went away on holiday and came back and announced that they'd got married. So far as I know most of their family and friends were happy for them, and their parents were quite relieved they hadn't had to contribute to the costs.

Could you not have both sets of parents as witnesses? I think most parents (except those on MN) would be very upset to miss their child's wedding.

As above. Eloping means only telling after you've done it. Congratulations!

Agree. Why not have both sets of parents there and that’s it. Choose a day when they can make it.

Because it's on Wednesday, no one will have the time off work? We've paid for it already.

Oh well that’s that then. I’m not sure which way round will be less hurtful.

I wouldn't expect your relationship with your parents to improve after this, OP. Honestly, as long as they're not toxic people, I'd rethink it.

And your answer about it being on a Wednesday isn't much of a defence, is it?

Agree with PP, definitely don't tell them yet!

We eloped, best decision I've ever made. My mother was very upset (we were never close) and it took her years to get over it; but she did when my brother eloped a few years later and it took the pressure off me!

So tell them after?? Really??

You're not eloping you're getting married without friends or family.
Id tell your mum before and just say you couldn't afford a big wedding.

To be honest as a mum I'd be hurt if I wasn't given the choice of coming and seeing the ceremony and I would have offered to pay to take you out to lunch myself. However if you didn't want me there I'd have to get over it!

If you tell her and she asks if she can come, what are you going to say?