Why do people keep assuming things about MY wedding?????

[chester345]

Hi all!

My dp and I got engaged a few months ago after having the worst time of our lives over the 6 months prior. We are both thrilled & I threw myself straight into wedding planning to distract myself from all the shitty goings-on around us. We are yet to pick a venue and are considering getting married abroad as well.
Why is it though that people keep assuming/deciding things for us? I've had at least 4 people try to declare themselves as my bridesmaids when I have made it more than clear that I haven't chosen anyone yet! I have had people invite themselves to our wedding if it is abroad even though I have also made it very clear that it would be family only if abroad. I've even had one person try to choose my colour scheme and the types of flowers!
WHY DO PEOPLE THINK THIS IS OK????
Has this happened to anyone else? And how do you get it into their heads that it's YOUR wedding and not theirs?!

Aren’t they just showing interest? How can they choose a colour scheme for you? Was that your mother?

Well, if you don’t want “people” taking an interest in your wedding day, expressing their enthusiasm etc, just get yourselves down to the registry office one lunchtime and do it quietly.

What would you rather? That people only ever take a polite interest to the extent and in the way you want? Yeah, nothing in life works that way.

This really doesn’t bode well for you if you are getting this worked up about things when you are at such an early stage you haven’t even decided on the basics!

I suspect people are just showing enthusiasm and trying to throw themselves into it all. Just reply with a smile and a shrug saying “we haven’t any idea yet - it’s fun just thinking about all the options” and leave it at that

Lots and lots of wedding threads on here have people upset because people really aren’t showing an interest. I am in no way suggesting your situation is better but it’s just a different response from people. They don’t genuinely want to plan your wedding

Blimey, a proper Bridezilla in the making and you've only had a ring on your finger for five minutes.

It's called showing an interest, OP.

And quite frankly unless you change your attitude, no-one's going to give a shite by the time the day comes.

WorraLiberty sometimes you think up a reply to a thread just to see someone has summed it up far better than you could have!

Oh! I was wondering there if people who are joining in have either had the same shitty year as you so are embracing the joy.

I remember when I got pregnant being astonished by how genuinely delighted many people seemed to be. People seemed to take real joy in it. After getting over how weird it was and the very odd comments that people do make I just went with it.

Well said @WorraLiberty!

Doesn't really matter does it? They're excited and interested, their suggestions aren't automatically concrete plans, stop being ridiculous.

Whoops NC was for another thread and sent comment without finishing! I appreciate the honestly & maybe need to realise people aren't trying to control us & need to loosen up a bit. Thank you.

I think you're right, people can get very intrusive. We just said very little to anyone about it. Whenever people asked we said, what bridesmaids, what colour scheme, what speech?

Usually people complain about people not showing enough interest
I suppose it depends who thise people are - if it’s an overbearing sister - fair enough, if it’s a cousin - probably they’re just trying to look interested.

Actually I do agree about people assuming things about weddings.

It doesn't matter how many times I tell people it's an informal type wedding ( second wedding) friends are still giving me advice on fancy hairstyles, suggesting inappropriate shoes ( cobbled area as stated on wedding invite ) and flowers ( DIY destination wedding so keeping it simple).

It's lovely that people are interested but they project their own tastes and find it hard to visualise anything different.

I got engaged a month ago and yes I have had some people (always female 🤔) being a bit pushy and some have said along the lines of - I’m not saying you have to pick me to be bridesmaid but I could always help do your hen do and make up on the day

I have just said I’m enjoying looking at lots of different things atm and haven’t made any big decisions as of yet

I have an intrusive MIL. We said we was getting married oct this year she proceeded to argue that it should be ouc next year. She has put her pennys worth in about a few things. She's not very present in our day to day lives so not surw why she feels like she is entitled when it comes to the wedding.

Just ignore them.

My mum picked a wedding dress for me when I was 18 and not even in a relationship. I think she's also in her head picked somewhere for my wedding even though I'm not engaged.

She's in for a big shock as my plan is to elope.