Really don't want a registry office but realistically, what other options do I have?

[sharkirasharkira]

I am getting married in Cornwall in 2020 but my family and friends are spread out across the country.

For various reasons we are limited with days we can have the wedding - it has to be a Saturday in spring/summer.

Dp does not want a church wedding, which is fine as I'm happy for a civil ceremony. I really don't want a registry office as all the ones closest to us are horrible and you aren't allowed to decorate them. They are also too small to accomodate all the guests - we aren't having many (max. 50) but even if we just invite family members it still puts us at 35 which is over capacity for most of them.

Trouble is, I really don't know what my options are. Having a civil ceremony in an approved place (hotel etc) is a about £436 - all the places I've looked at that will even allow just a ceremony without a reception, a minimum spend, or exclusive hire of the whole bloody place are a minimum of £500 just for the room hire. So £936 JUST for the legal bit and the room to do it in. To have it in the registry office is £259.

We just can't afford not to have it in a registry office can we? Our budget is £5000 but I wanted that to include the honeymoon, which is a dream holiday that will cost about half of that. I thought £2500 would be enough for everything else but that just doesn't look possible right now. We're cutting back everything else we possibly can and doing as much DIY as possible.

But I'm so sad at the idea of that registry office. It's not where I imagine saying my vows to Dp, it's just a horrible soulless blank room in a concrete block near a main road, with a wall full of dead flowers. If we just nip down the registry office before or after the 'wedding day' to sign the legal papers, just the 2 of us, it will feel like a 'fake' wedding in front of our friends and family because the 'real' vows have either not been done yet, or have been done already. It will feel wrong to me because I'd be pretending it was real. The vows are the most important part to me!

Do I just need to suck it up and accept that we have no choice and do it in the registry? Or is there anywhere else? I just can't find anything remotely affordable

How about thinking of a statutory wedding as the equivalent of going to the antechamber in church to sign the papers? Nobody actually sees that anyway. So you do that bit yourselves a few days before, pay minimum, think of it as visiting a lawyer to sign a document. Then the celebration of your love, your relationship and the witnessing if your vows will be wherever you choose, however you choose..at whatever price you choose!

If you go to the Continent everyone has to have a legal marriage before the Church/Humanitarian blessing.
Just have you legal marriage somewhere local with two witnesses for £200 and a big blow out in France, Belgum or Italy.
Air fares or Euro Star are £50 to main stations, food and drink are cheap, a Celebrant is £500. You get good weather, fantastic settings and guests get a weekend break.some great for the same price as travelling to the other end of the country.

I get what yo are saying about " a real wedding" but actually guests just want to celebrate the union. The legalities aren't as important as seeing you both say vows in front of the people you care about and love. That's the real bit. The legal bit is for the government, tax office etc. That's why even royalty abroad have to go to the civil offices first before the whole national ceremony.

Unfortunately I think for your budget then you're going to have to do a reg office or pay for somewhere you like and have a really restricted reception.

Why not have the wedding as you want it, then save up and have a honeymoon/holiday a bit later on? Then you get two bites of the enjoyment cherry, as it were.

Calling anything a "dream" is just setting yourself up for disappointment anyway. I wince when people say they have seen their "dream house"/"dream job", because when one thing goes wrong, the whole thing gets the perfect shine taken off it.