Am I being unreasonable towards SIL?

[Lollipops28]

Hi,

So my BIL is getting married soon. They've asked my LG to be a flower girl. I'm getting annoyed with how things are working out and don't know what to do! My future SIL never bothers with my kids. She makes zero effort and sees my kids at birthdays and xmas. my BIL however comes round 2-3 times a months and makes an effort (they only live 10 mins away so no excuse for her really). She wants to take my LG dress shopping on her own this week to pick her flower girl outfit. I'm not invited and I'm annoyed about it. My daughter always forgets my SIL name because she never sees her and I feel things are getting awkward now. I've also found out through my MIL that my daughter won't be with me the morning of the wedding as she will be with my SIL getting ready. She's only 5 and doesn't know anyone other the my future SIL who will be in the same room as her getting ready. Am I being unreasonable? I atleast thought I'd play a part in her getting dressed etc on the day. My daughter can be bad with anxiety so I'm playing everything down to her but I don't think she'll be comfortable being practically left with strangers until the ceremony. Help..

Your future SIL doesn't have children and clearly doesn't know much about them.
You say that your daughter will not be with you but will be getting ready with SIL... Uh, no.
You need to put her right on that--your daughter will need your help to get ready, so just make it clear to SIL that either you're in Bride's room helping her, or you get daughter ready at home then bring her along.
You're not being unreason0, and most probably neither is SIL - she just doesn't k ow the reality of dealing with a 5 year old.

If SIL doesn't have kids of her own, how responsible is she to take your dd shopping - crossing roads, getting lost in a crowd etc.

Who would be supervising your dd in a room full of people getting ready for the wedding? Surely it would be so much better if your dd was dressed and ready at yours and you dropped her off as SIL was leaving or even met her at the church door.

I'd want to be with my dd in both those circumstances, there's far too much that could go wrong otherwise.

She's your daughter - your rules. Do whatever you think is best by your DD, SIL might be a bit miffed now but she'll get over it, and will understand if she has kids of her own down the line

Your DD will take her cues from you so you can 'play it down' but your feelings will still shine through and influence your dds behaviour.

Either say no or let them know that there needs to be more of a 'relationship' before your dd will feel comfortable enough. At 5 the excitement of it all would have been enough for mine!

Seems as though your in laws are doing an awful lot of informing to you about the events of your own child!

I'd politely say that I'm going to accompany my daughter to the shops to get the dress and with dressing her on the day. Explain that she may act up if you're not there.

Yeah, tell your sil that you want to go to find the dress too and maybe you can use it as an opportunity to get to know her better. Not everyone is comfortable around small children or is interested in them so that's probably why she doesn't make a huge effort.

I would just say no why are you letti g your sil tell you what's happening just say no I'm be coming with dd and il be getting ready with her. Honestly she's your daughter and you know her best don't be afraid to say no

I’d suggest that if it’s important to her to take her shopping by herself then you’ll meet her in town and look round different shops while they do.
I’d say a straight no to the getting ready with her on the morning plan; it’s not fair on your DD and she will be bored. My DD went out for the morning with my mil while we got ready for my wedding and then came about an hour before we left to have her hair done and get dressed as I knew she’d be bored and over excited being there the whole morning and I didn’t want her in her dress until last minute