Hi,
Sometimes I treat mumsnet like a mental health support. Maybe I shouldn't but it's a chance to pour my heart out and get some impartial opinions...
Anyway, let's cut to the chase. I've numbered my issues so it's easier to read... I apologise in advance for a long post.
The background
OH and I got engaged a few weeks ago after 5 years of being together. I was super excited about this new chapter in our lives until we recently started thinking about the wedding. That's when I got scared and really anxious. And this is not because I don't want to marry him.
He's from the UK, I am from abroad. We never thought about getting married in the UK. If it would happen it would either be in my country or some warm European destination.
Now, my father is quite unwell. Due to this we were thinking of tying the knot in my country some time next year, hoping he will be able to be at my wedding. Here's where all the problems start.
- I always dreamt of this ideal day and planned every detail of it. I'm just over 12 months we won't be able to save enough for the wedding of my dreams. Also, it's a bit scary thinking how much money do you need to spend on a 1-night of your life!
The wedding prices seem completely unreasonable!
- I would ultimately be planning a wedding abroad without any help. We realised most of our guests are not from my country, they would all need to travel from other destinations. My mother is taking care of my father most of the time. My sibling is living abroad. Most of my close friends are in the UK. I am dreading the task of going back and forth, sacrificing time off work, spending money on flights...
- My family is not too supportive. They all said they are more or less glad we're getting married but there seems to be a lot of bitterness around it. My maid of honour (a family member) has no interest in any wedding chat, whereas my mother doesn't have time to get involved.
- Going back to my country is always very stressful. I constantly feel the pressure of not helping enough around my father, not visiting often enough (I go there more or less every 6 weeks), when I visit I hear I am not spending enough time with the family. We also struggle to find a place to stay when we visit, so we usually fork out on hotels. I feel like adding a wedding to plan to this mix will make for a grey-haired bride.
Now, reading all of this makes me wonder why I want to do this. However, the thought of having a remote chance of having my dad at my wedding makes it almost worth it. I guess I am looking for someone to tell me if I have lost my mind completely or not yet. Or should we just elope or get married in Greece.
Another option we considered is to have a small registry wedding where i come from with parents and a small dinner after. Then throw a wedding reception and a small ceremony somewhere in a warmer climate. Kind of like having two weddings. But then it would still be sad not to have my parents around me at the second wedding.
Am I rambling? Am I making any sense? Do you have any advice?...