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Original poster

Friend upset about my Wedding plans

39 replies

thatgirl7 · 10/04/2018 17:28

I am having a very small Wedding with only immediate family from both sides & we have both asked a friend each to be our witnesses (these are both life long friends who we both consider as family)

We have a mutual friend who from the moment we got engaged has assumed she would be very much involved & have a role within the wedding - we are not having Bridesmaids or Groomsmen at our Wedding - I broke this news to her early on so that she wouldn't get her hopes up.

We are throwing a big party in the evening for all of our friends, cousins, parents friends etc - 120 people total - we decided to leave it this way as once you start inviting some extra friends to the day, it spirals and becomes a "if we invite that person then we have to invite this person.."

This mutual friend of ours has started to voice how sad she is that she won't see us get married etc - I have let her know that, yes that is a shame, but hey thats how it is and the whole evening is for our friends and we can't wait to celebrate with her.

Today she has found out that our 2 lifelong friends will be included in the day guests and she has kicked off - telling me that I have lied to her, that the Wedding is obviously not just for family.

I have not responded to her messages - as frankly my Wedding is in 2 weeks time and I am busy at work and planning in the evenings and I really don't feel that I need to explain myself to her.

It's eating away at me all day though and I feel quite stressed out about it!

How would you handle this situation?

OP posts:
longestlurkerever · 11/04/2018 11:20

Tbh I don't think it's "making things all about you" to be a bit hurt a close friend from abroad didn't look you up when they were in town. Your friend clearly wears her heart on her sleeve. I'm not sure that's such a bad thing, unless she's horrible about it, but if she's misunderstood the level of your friendship that's unfortunate.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 11/04/2018 11:22

wind where did OP say anything about the friend travelling from abroad??? Confused

I can’t think of any of my friend’s being upset that I did this. But I do keep my friendships quite light, I guess. I have two really good friends but I can totally understand why they might not invite me to something, and even if they didn’t and it hurt a little, I wouldn’t cause a fuss because I have my own life.

BuntyII · 11/04/2018 11:29

'When exactly did society get so selfish that it’s ok to harass a bride two weeks before her wedding'

When exactly did brides become so precious that you aren't allowed to say boo to them for months just because they're getting married Hmm

You're being really harsh OP and ignoring her is also shitty behaviour. Don't become one of those brides who ends up with no friends because of how they acted about their wedding.

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 11/04/2018 11:33

@This is...deep in another post about moving to the uk...but OP has since clarified. I wouldn't be upset or cause a fuss either myself. But I can see why someone might feel hurt if they felt their friendship wasn't valued in the way they'd imagined.

If I were OP I'd send a text saying the party really is the main thing, speeches, cake etc, the register office is the official bit and tiny. Can't wait to see you, slightly breezy. And let it go and not be irked.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/04/2018 13:21

Don't become one of those brides who ends up with no friends because of how they acted about their wedding.

Grin

Not sure the OP will miss this self-centred, drama queen friend... And all the other friends are happy to attend what sounds like a thoughtfully arranged, fun, celebratory evening so, you know, doubt they're bellyaching about the free food and booze, handy location and entertainment.

Are you the friend...?

OP, if it was the other way around and she was posting, everyone would be telling her to grow the fuck up and remember it's your day.

Try and put her out of your mind. With any luck she'll have a huff and not bother coming on the day.

Wishing you a splendid wedding day! Smile

BuntyII · 11/04/2018 15:14

@AnneLovesGilbert no I'm not the friend, I'm just someone with a different opinion to you. You're encouraging the OP to lose an old friend over the sake of what is essentially a party.

Original poster
thatgirl7 · 11/04/2018 15:22

I have responded with "we ended up with space for just 1 friend each - if we were to go even one more each it would just spiral into having to change our whole wedding venue and change from the small wedding we want to a bigger one. We can only have 40 at the meal in the room we chose & we can have 150 in the evening - same with the reg office - it is limited to 40. The guest list was the hardest part & this is how it turned out.

The main part of the day is the music and dancing with all our friends and we are so happy that we can actually afford to have all of you there which is only possible because of how we have chosen to plan the day,

Can't wait to see you there.. :)"

OP posts:
Weezol · 11/04/2018 15:29

She knew from the off what the plans were. It's as if she thinks you owe her something.

I would leave her to it now and not get involved in any texts emails etc. Partly this is for her benefit, so she has nothing to keep re-reading and stewing over, but mostly it will benefit you.

She has form for this kind of behaviour. She'll either turn up for the party or she won't. In the build up to a wedding there are more important things to consider. We were well organised, booked and planned two years in advance. Less than two days before the wedding, we realised we'd not bought any rings!

Weezol · 11/04/2018 15:31

Sorry sould read - not get involved in any further negative texts, emails

Weezol · 11/04/2018 15:34

'Should' ffs . I clearly left my brain in bed this morning.

Original poster
thatgirl7 · 11/04/2018 15:35

@AnneLovesGilbert

Haha - for an easy life and the fact that I'm so busy right now and do not need an argument - I am going to be civil and responded in a friendly way - but you are totally right - in a group of 120 people invited to the evening - everyone else is so delighted, wishing us well and full of excitement for the day..

She has lost other friends over things like this in the past - she seems to have a few issues with not being able to be anything but the absolute best friend of everyone - needs the status - anything else is not enough - which I guess is why she feels she should be guest of honour..

I feel a bit sorry for her - but I do think she needs to grow up a bit and realise that everything is not about her.

fingers crossed if she does attend there is no drama caused!!

OP posts:
Original poster
thatgirl7 · 11/04/2018 15:38

@Weezol - thats it now I am done - am far too busy with the lead up to the day and have a lot to do - I sent this final message and have now just muted my whatsapp so I can't be contacted in the lead up!

Just focussing on my last week at work and last bits or organising!

I'll see her there or I won't - whichever it is I actually don't really care all that much!! :)

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 11/04/2018 15:39

Excellent reply OP. Hope you get a sensible response.... And sure you'll have a fab day Smile

PinkCalluna · 11/04/2018 16:25

Bunt there’s being forbearing with an old friend and then there’s being a doormat in the face of a selfish and self-centred behaviour.

Thatgirl your reply strikes a nice tone. Have a wonderful wedding day! Flowers

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