Should we reduce guest numbers?

[BluePony]

DP and I have found where we want to have our meal but here's the catch; we are planning to invite 200 people but the hotel only seats 115 for meals. We'd be able to have a buffet in the evening and have the rest of the guests join us but we can't exactly invite them to the ceremony, not invite them to the meal but invite them to the party, can we? We either have to reduce list or change location, unless there's any other options?

It’s not good form IMO to invite people to the ceremony and the evening.

With 200 I would separate the guests into 2 lists. List 1 (115 guests) being people you 100% want/need there. List 2 (85 guests in order of preference).

Send out a ‘first wave’ of invites to list 1 SUPER early; if there’s any ‘can’t make it’ RSVPs back then start choosing people from list 2 starting from the top as ‘replacements’. The bottom 50 of list 2 you may aswell already mark as evening guests only.

Only issue is you’d probably have to give List 1 an earlier deadline to RSVP so you know sooner rather than later if you have ‘spare spaces’. Which may be a pain getting 2 lots of invites printed with different RSVP deadlines but can be done. Just be mindful not to have people that know each other very well to have invites with different deadlines on incase they realise they’re B-listers 😂

For what it’s worth I’ve never been to a wedding where 100% of guests invited RSVP’d yes. If you love the venue don’t change it just wangle what you can to make your dream day happen. I’d hazard a guess you and DH to be aren’t equally close to all 200 invitees?

It would depend on your venue, but really anyone invited to the ceremony would expect to be there for the meal. The only time I've seen it work with just ceremony and evening was a church service and it was made really clear to the guests.

I think your best option would be to reduce the number of guests, I'd be shocked if you found many venues that would be able to seat 200guests! Most that I looked at were up to 120 only.

Do you come from a culture where people have bigger weddings or are you being pressured to invite lots of distant relatives?

Most people don’t have anything like that many close friends so if I were you I would just try and be a bit more selective about who you invite. Unless you are Indian or something like that, most weddings are much smaller than that.

What about a hot buffet in the day and a cold buffet at night? Then you can have all guests for both.

I went to a wedding like this a few years ago, it worked really well. They got married at 1.30pm, did photos etc. Hot buffet at 3pm with hot beef and pork sandwiches, mini yorkshire puddings, roast potatoes etc. Had tables set out like you would for an evening do and people got their own food and sat where they wanted.

Or you have to reduce numbers. 200 for a sit down meal is an awful lot!

I agree with PP, I don't think you can invite people to the ceremony, skip a bit and then evening do. It's everything or evening only. Or change venue.

Yes, how about an alternative to a sit down meal?

Or say to all evening guests ‘obviously you’re very welcome to come to the ceremony if you wish! But our wedding breakfast numbers are really limited because of the venue.’ You might find people are happy to come, nip off for a meal, and then come back for a party.

I am in the same boat op I have 60 sit down guests and 180 night guests but I've decided to invite the closest and make it clear there will be a break in the ceremony.

My rational was if I don't invite them to the actual wedding ceremony which is the most important that would have been even more rude

I went to my friend’s brother’s ceremony and then evening. They have a huge family (both sides) so whilst the church could fit extras, the place having the meal couldn’t. Didn’t feel weird at all going back for the evening, was a good do actually!

I have popped in to watch lots of local church weddings of work colleagues where I have just been invited to the evening do. Anybody can attend a church wedding ceremony if they wish. No formal invites needed.

It doesn’t bother me if I’m only invited to an evening do.

Weddings are so expensive.

Have 115 to the meal and the rest to the buffet at night.

That’s a huge wedding though.

I do wonder how many anniversary cards you will get next year......😀

I suppose it comes down to what's more important, having all the guests there that you want or having the venue you have picked.
Some people get precious about wedding invites and what part they are invited to but think most people are fine to come to any part of the day to help you celebrate your big day. I wouldn't be offended by missing the meal.

Feeling your pain.

Mine is slightly different but we are having ours abroad so people will be around all weekend. Unfortunately no one has RSVP'd " no" yet and a few have asked for plus ones as its a bit of a holiday.
It would be very easy to invite everyone, get them all to watch the ceremony and then feed them but limited numbers availble in the nice restaurant. There are five lovely resturants across the road other people could eat at and we could pay for.
But obviously way too odd to say - you lot eat elsewhere and we'll see you in a couple of hours for drinks and stuff.
Although if I was going to. fab destination and would be seeing the couple all weekend I don't think I'd mind a bit.