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Original poster

Where can we get married abroad and not have to have a U.K. ceremony too?

67 replies

MummySparkle · 13/01/2018 21:37

DP and I have been together for ages. We have 2 beautiful DCs, 4 and 3, and have been engaged for over 5 years.

Frankly we can't be bothered to have a wedding and we don't want the fuss hassle and stress of organising a wedding. Neither of us like big parties and we both have anxiety over that sort of thing. The though of having to say our vows in front of people fills us with dread.

We've contemplated just going to a registry office with both sets of our parents and signing the paperwork, but even that throws up issues. Both of our mums have re-married, I have no contact with my dad so from my side it would be mum and stepdad but I'd have to have my grandma there too. Then on DPs side he'd have to have his mum and stepdad, but his dad would be upset if he wasn't invited, and then his man would want to be there, so even inviting nobody we'd still end up with 6 or 7 people that don't get on in a room watching us and then we'd have to do something with them afterwards. The thought of going for a meal with all of them is just awful! DPs dad would get drunk, has nowhere to stay locally without staying with DPs auntie so then she'd have to be involved... basically there is no way we could have the little quiet ceremony that we'd like to have here in the U.K.

So, I think our best option would be to book a wedding holiday abroad. Just us and the DCs. I want to go somewhere where we can stay in a hotel, have the wedding nearby, but it just be us, we can rock up wearing casual clothes (nice stuff, but I'm thinking shorts and a nice top not suits and a wedding dress). And just get married. Then stay on for a few days and have a family holiday / honeymoon. The DCs are our world so we want them to be a part of it.

I've been looking online, but it all gets confusing as to which countries we could do this in without having to do anything here other than DP and I turning up somewhere and showing someone some paperwork.

Does anybody have any experience of this? Where can we go? Any recommendations? We don't want the whole 'honeymoon suite' and special treatment. Just a bog-standard package holiday with a quick 'I Do' thrown in. Is this even possible?!

OP posts:

CurlyRover · 15/01/2018 18:59

Thank you BiteyShark that makes a lot of sense.

Sorry OP for jumping on your thread

Original poster

MummySparkle · 16/01/2018 09:42

No worries CurlyRover.

I'm going to put any plans on hold for now, but Gibraltar sounds like a good bet.

I'm assuming that, theoretically, we could email the registry office a couple of days before to see if they've got space, book a last minute for light and hotel. Then go in the day before with our documents, get married the next day and then fly home.

That might work - less time to worry / stress about it all :)

OP posts:

Boynamedsue · 16/01/2018 09:54

I think you do still have to give notice that you intend to marry 28 days before. We got married in Italy and had to go to our local registry office to give notice. (this was a while ago now tho, things may have changed!)

Boynamedsue · 16/01/2018 09:57

From CAB
"Giving notice
You and your partner must give notice of marriage in your local Register Office, whether or not you wish to marry in that district. The Superintendent Registrar, or Registrar in Northern Ireland, then issues authority for the marriage and you may marry in any Register Office or local authority approved premises in any district.

In England and Wales, 28 days notice must be given to the Register Office before the marriage can take place. Both partners must be resident for seven days in England or Wales before notice is given. A notice must state where the marriage is to take place. There is a fee for giving notice."

Berthatydfil · 16/01/2018 10:03

I’m sorry he feels anxious about the vows but really sit down and talk to him - if the worse was to happen to either of you it could be much much worse sorting that out than rocking up to somewhere saying a few words with some strangers you’re never going to see again and having a nice holiday.

JD360 · 16/01/2018 10:07

Cyprus theta where we did it

notangelinajolie · 16/01/2018 10:13

There is always Gretna. It's another country if you don't already live in Scotland

Thehairthebod · 16/01/2018 10:15

You can get married in Italy and not have to have anything over here.

But do bear in mind that if you don't do any ceremony over here, your marriage will never be registered in this country. However, I think you can give a copy of your certificate from the country to the registry for safekeeping and their records, and your marriage certificate from the other country will be valid for things like changing names on driving licence, bank, passport etc, as long as there is an English translation on the certificate somewhere.

iknowimcoming · 16/01/2018 10:16

Surely if he's too anxious to do a wedding with just witnesses here - doing it abroad wouldn't change anything? you will still have to have a ceremony of sorts with witnesses - only there would be more faff as different languages etc? FWIW my brother got married in Kos last year, it was beautiful, simple, quick and very hot! Good luck

Original poster

MummySparkle · 16/01/2018 11:24

I Thought that being abroad might help him to be more relaxed. I don't know! I just want it over and done with!!

Reading up about U.K. giving notice of marriage. Do you have to have a date booked before you do that? As in could we do that and then just be ready to get married in the 12 months it's valid for? We could just find a register office with some availability and turn up on the day? I think an aspect of sponrinaety would help

OP posts:

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 16/01/2018 13:19

I don't mean to sound harsh, but what is your dp doing to address his anxiety? Because it isn't fair on you that you cannot even do basic things, like get married, and he is expecting you to carry on living this way. It limits you so much and I would expect him to be taking serious steps to get it under control.
Apart from anything else, he is a parent and this could have repercussions for your children.

Original poster

MummySparkle · 16/01/2018 15:51

He is on medication and he is improving. We support each other but he is getting there. It does mean I do the lion's share of anything social with the DCs - I do all of the school / nursery drop offs. But he also does huge amounts to help me.

It does upset me that he doesn't want to get married. We haven't had a proper chat about it for ages, I just get shut down. Probably my fault for always choosing a bad time. He keeps saying he'll talk to me when he's ready, but it's been over 5 years now. I feel judged for not having the same name as my children

OP posts:

PerspicaciaTick · 16/01/2018 16:22

When you give notice of marriage in England, the only fixed thing is the venue. You can amend the date and time, provided the ceremony happens within 12months of the date you gave notice. However you might find your local registration office prefers you to have the venue booked (or at least firmly pencilled in) before you give notice.

If you get married abroad in a ceremony that is legal in the country you marry in, you will never have a second ceremony in England - if you are married, then you are married and you can't get married twice. You can find lots of useful information about marrying abroad on the government website www.gov.uk/marriage-abroad

PerspicaciaTick · 16/01/2018 16:31

With respect to saying vows - he can opt to say the bare minimum in England. There are 2 questions to be answered in order to get married:

The registrar will ask "If you are free lawfully to marry please answer ‘I Am’ to the following question.Are you MrMummySparkle free lawfully to marry MummySparkle?"

To which DP answers "I am".

Then the registrar will ask DP to repeat the following words (in 3 or 4 word chunks) "I MrMummySparkle take you MummySparkle to be my wedded wife"

And that is all that he needs to say.

Mitzimaybe · 16/01/2018 16:33

My husband had similar fears to your fiance (not quite as bad.) We had a small civil ceremony. You can choose various vows including adding your own as well as the legal ones, but we went for the option where the registrar reads it all out and you just say "I do" so there was very little we had to say, and it was all over in about 10 minutes.

Presumably you could have the same form of ceremony in Gibraltar. I can't suggest venues but perhaps you can reassure your husband that he doesn't have to say much and it will be over quickly!

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 16/01/2018 16:40

He has no right to shut you down and it is not your fault - I suspect there would never be a good time. He doesn't get to always set the agenda. Sorry, but I think he is being manipulative.
If you only agreed to the dc having his name because there was a definite plan to get married then he is being massively unfair to you. I'd change the children's names back to mine tbh - you'd need his consent but this would let you know where you stand.

FluffyFerrets · 16/01/2018 17:42

OP - apparently, from what I've been told you need to get your date booked and confirmed well in advance as there's just so many people wanting to marry in Gibraltar. You can, of course, arrange it all yourself or like I have, use an agent to do it for you.
I would not leave it until the last minute, so to speak. They only do a certain amount of ceremonies daily.
Heres a link for you with info
www.gibraltar.gov.gi/new/marriages-civil-partnerships

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