Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Where can we get married abroad and not have to have a U.K. ceremony too?

67 replies

MummySparkle · 13/01/2018 21:37

DP and I have been together for ages. We have 2 beautiful DCs, 4 and 3, and have been engaged for over 5 years.

Frankly we can't be bothered to have a wedding and we don't want the fuss hassle and stress of organising a wedding. Neither of us like big parties and we both have anxiety over that sort of thing. The though of having to say our vows in front of people fills us with dread.

We've contemplated just going to a registry office with both sets of our parents and signing the paperwork, but even that throws up issues. Both of our mums have re-married, I have no contact with my dad so from my side it would be mum and stepdad but I'd have to have my grandma there too. Then on DPs side he'd have to have his mum and stepdad, but his dad would be upset if he wasn't invited, and then his man would want to be there, so even inviting nobody we'd still end up with 6 or 7 people that don't get on in a room watching us and then we'd have to do something with them afterwards. The thought of going for a meal with all of them is just awful! DPs dad would get drunk, has nowhere to stay locally without staying with DPs auntie so then she'd have to be involved... basically there is no way we could have the little quiet ceremony that we'd like to have here in the U.K.

So, I think our best option would be to book a wedding holiday abroad. Just us and the DCs. I want to go somewhere where we can stay in a hotel, have the wedding nearby, but it just be us, we can rock up wearing casual clothes (nice stuff, but I'm thinking shorts and a nice top not suits and a wedding dress). And just get married. Then stay on for a few days and have a family holiday / honeymoon. The DCs are our world so we want them to be a part of it.

I've been looking online, but it all gets confusing as to which countries we could do this in without having to do anything here other than DP and I turning up somewhere and showing someone some paperwork.

Does anybody have any experience of this? Where can we go? Any recommendations? We don't want the whole 'honeymoon suite' and special treatment. Just a bog-standard package holiday with a quick 'I Do' thrown in. Is this even possible?!

OP posts:

greenlids · 13/01/2018 23:40

The anxiety is to do with the idea of a wedding 'ceremony' in front of lots of people though, isn't it? Not with an actual marriage between two people. You don't have to turn the whole thing into a circus if you don't want to.

Perhaps you could go and speak to your local register office. They can marry you quietly, just yourselves with the registrar, and a couple of members of staff standing by to witness the legal bit. I'm sure they would be able to sort things out with no fuss and make you both feel calm and relaxed, and happy about things.

quitealotlost · 13/01/2018 23:46

What's he anxious about specifically? Can whatever it is be mitigated enough for him not to feel anxious?

LIZS · 14/01/2018 08:01

Perhaps if you explained that as a legally recognised bond marriage makes things more secure for you and your family he could get over some of his anxiety. You already have children together after all.

BertsLumbago · 14/01/2018 08:10

If he does chill out long enough for you to start considering this again I would totally recommend Ribe in Denmark. It is Denmark's oldest town and is known also as the Las Vegas of Europe. You can buy a package to get married there and it is very straightforward to do. I know this for a fact having witnessed for a stranger's wedding there before Christmas. Flights easy from Stansted to Billund and then easy public transport links to Ribe. If you go later in the year you could combine it with a trip to Legoland which is next to the airport.

Links below. Any questions, feel free to ask.

www.visitribe.com/ln-int/south-jutland/wedding-ceremonies
weddinginribe.dk/en-gb/procedure

Original poster

MummySparkle · 14/01/2018 10:27

The anxiety is around saying the vows in front of people, but even just a registrar and some witnesses, known or strangers, would be really hard for him. Also the leading up to it, having months to worry about it will make things hard for him. At the same time if I arranged it without telling him and told him a few days before he'd also be a) really angry and b) liable to have a panic attack.

In the past we've talked about doing it really quietly at a registry office, but DP doesn't want that. He wants it to be special for us.

he knows the importance of marriage and what it means for us. I with it was simple!

OP posts:

BiteyShark · 14/01/2018 10:31

There is a list somewhere on the government website that shows all the countries where it will recognise marriages from for uk citizens. I got married abroad and other than submitting the right paperwork and being resident in the country for a few days it was very easy. We did have to have the marriage certificate translated into English though in case we need to show it here and it did take 6 months to be posted to us.

HolgerDanske · 14/01/2018 10:51

It is special for you two no matter how you do it. Seriously, the ceremony is the legal bit and does not have to be the be all and end all as far as making it meaningful is concerned. The meaning comes in whatever way you choose to infuse it. I really think he needs to think about the fact that his anxiety is preventing it altogether.

My fiancé and I are planning a very intimate ceremony - just us and my two daughters as witnesses. That is personal, meaningful and just right for us. It’d be a whole lot less meaningful if we had a whole circus going on around it, like so many weddings become.

It won’t be special at all if he never actually does it, will it...?

LIZS · 14/01/2018 11:43

I think legal formalities abroad are more about signing legalities than making sentimental vows on a beach at twilight, unless you opt for it. Maybe if you can demonstrate that it can be done with minimal fuss and celebrate with a nice meal afterwards as a family it would seem less daunting. Or maybe it just is not as important to him as to you.

Treaclespongeandcustard · 14/01/2018 11:47

My sister got married in Cyprus and that was lovely. No legal extra to do once home. They had to be there 5 days before but they made it part of their holiday. Lots of us went and all had a lovely time.

CurlyRover · 14/01/2018 11:50

Sorry to hear he's anxious about it. DP and I have looked into it. New Zealand is a really easy place to get married in. You apply for a license online and have to be in the country at least three working days beforehand. You just need to find a celebrant or a registry office (which you specify when you apply for the license) and bobs your uncle.

BiteyShark · 14/01/2018 11:52

Forgot to mention we did our wedding through a travel agent so you booked the holiday accommodation and wedding through them. They then handled all the administration and organising so all I had to do was pick the day we wanted and when I got there decide what extras I wanted and which part of the beach we wanted to use

Aloethere · 14/01/2018 11:58

We got married in the registry office in Gibraltar. We had two strangers as witnesses and it was great. Over and done with in 15mins. We booked a slot in the registry office via email and had to be over the day before(definitely wasn't three days when we did it).
We didn't want any pomp so this suited us perfectly.

Original poster

MummySparkle · 14/01/2018 19:43

How did you go about booking it Aloethere? Did you go for a package through an agency?

OP posts:

Aloethere · 14/01/2018 19:52

No we did it ourselves. We googled the registry office, emailed them and booked the date and time via email. The day before we went in with all our documents, they took copies or whatever, we went to a solicitor they pointed us to down the road to get things signed and stamped, brought them back and then the next day got married. They posted out our wedding cert to us a few weeks later.

Like I said it was really fuss free, we didn't even really dress up. We just wanted to be married and I hate being the centre of attention, dh does too really so this suited us well.

Doobigetta · 14/01/2018 20:52

You can get married properly in Italy, it just has to be in either a church (catholics only) or a town hall- they don't have approved premises in hotels etc.

MrsGrindah · 14/01/2018 20:57

OP..you don’t have to do anything here. As long as you have complied with the rules in the country you got married in it is valid here..you don’t have to “register” it but of course there won’t be a record of it in this country

ImTrying · 14/01/2018 21:01

Greece

Cyclingforcake · 14/01/2018 21:02

Denmark is quick and easy to sort out. They’re set up for eloprments! Bonus is the ceremony can be in English and you don’t need to translate the paperwork. (Unlike Italy)

Pangur2 · 14/01/2018 21:05

It's UK, but Crear/ Wee Weddings up in Scotland could be good for you. The photographer and the bagpipe player were our witnesses. They sort out everything, including flowers if you want them. They sort out food for the two of you. You stay in a cottage for a few days and you can get married there or on their beach or anywhere you like on their land! It was like a fancy version of eloping and I highly recommend it!

CurlyRover · 15/01/2018 10:24

you don’t have to “register” it but of course there won’t be a record of it in this country

^^ how does it work then of one of you die or if you want a divorce? Would you just need to show the marriage certificate? Also with things like being the next of kin say if your DH/DW ended up in hospital, would you still be regarded as next of kin?

ImAMarshmellow · 15/01/2018 10:31

Go to the registry office and pick some random people from the street to act as witnesses. I'm sure I've heard that some registry offices have the names/numbers of people they call to act as a witness..

BiteyShark · 15/01/2018 12:02

CurlyRover in the event of a death or a divorce you would just produce the marriage certificate as you would for a uk one. This is why I translated mine and had it verified that it was an authentic translation from the original (non English one).

As for next of kin I have never been challenged anywhere that I am not my husbands wife despite us having different names. If I was I would just produce the certificate.

Registering just refers to the fact that you can write to the uk central register and get another certificate very easily. In my case I would have to contact the equivalent office to the country I married in to ask for another one.

thewanderer03 · 15/01/2018 12:07

Italy!

IWouldLikeToKnow · 15/01/2018 12:10

We got married in New York. Very easy to arrange and recognized here in Ireland. I imagine that this is also the case in the UK.

FluffyFerrets · 15/01/2018 12:54

I'm marrying in Gibraltar this september. The easiness of it all was what appealed. I'm using a company called sweet Gibraltar weddings who offer many packages to suit your needs. They will act as my witnesses too as we will be there alone.
If you are a UK national - You need to be present in Gibraltar the day before you marry or the actual day you marry and provide proof of this. You need to attend an appt at the Town hall/offices at least 24hrs before you marry to present all original paperwork and that's it.
We are staying in Gib for the whole duration but I know someone who booked a holiday in Costa del sol then travelled into Gib just to get married then returned to their holiday/honeymoon back in Spain.

Flip

1 2 3