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Original poster

Mum making wedding dress?

34 replies

Cliveybaby · 10/01/2018 18:39

My DP and I have recently got engaged, and my lovely mum has offered (told me she's going to) to make my wedding dress.

I'm wondering if anyone has any experience of this (from either side), and how you found it?

She's a pretty experienced seamstress, made her own dress nearly 30 years ago, all our clothes as little children, and done lots of alterations etc.

Obviously I'm very lucky to have a talented mother, and if it all works out it'll be wonderful, but I'm wondering if anyone has any tips/ worries?
I have a few worries:

  • that it'll take her ages and she'll find it very stressful and not enjoy it (although she is semi-retired and seems to like working hard/difficult projects she was a nurse )
  • that I won't be able to visualise it as I'll only see the finished one when it's done (unlike for example trying dresses on in a shop)
  • leading on from that - that if I change my mind, I'll be stuck with it, as I couldn't possibly tell her!
OP posts:
Original poster
Cliveybaby · 10/01/2018 18:40

Ooh also how long did it take? And were you happy with it?

OP posts:
Galaxyfarfaraway · 10/01/2018 18:41

Go try on lots of dresses then she can 'copy' your favourite.

Original poster
Cliveybaby · 10/01/2018 19:54

Yeah good idea, I thought that too - I guess I could also say "the top of this dress, with the bottom of that one, but this fabric" etc...
hate shopping though lol!

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frenchfancy · 10/01/2018 20:00

There are lots of discussions about sewing wedding dresses on the sewing forums I frequent. It is a great way to get a dress you like that fits you without breaking the bank.

I do think it is a lot of pressure to put on her though. I would go on a shopping trip, see if you like anything.

Original poster
Cliveybaby · 10/01/2018 20:15

I'm a but worried about the pressure yes... She really wants to do it though!

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3011152gt · 10/01/2018 20:23

Best of both worlds so long as you get along well. You can try on then pick & choose the bits you like & your fabrics.
Def go try some on & go from there x

bunbunny · 10/01/2018 20:40

You also need to talk through different scenarios before you start outto set ground rules before there is any time, emotion or money invested in the dress...

So what happens if you find a style of dress you love that she can't do (say a boned corset top that requires a lot of specialist expertise) - will you buy the dress you love or will she get upset and then you choose a simple design she can make and feel upset that you don't habe the dress of your dreams? Will she be realistic about her skill level, particularly if you have an expensive/tricky to work with fabric? What happens if something goes wrong or it doesnt turn out as you expect? What happens if you can't find a special bit of lace or decoration or crystals or whatever so that again would you have to compromise or would she mind you buying a dress that does have the right lace etc?
Are there any other compromises to be had - could she make your veil or a little jacket for the ceremony or ???

Original poster
Cliveybaby · 10/01/2018 20:46

Very good points thanks bunbunny!
Should definitely have a chat beforehand... I love lace fabric so will ask her about that.
Her other suggestion was buying a simple dress and "pimping" it (her words!) but I'm not sure about that.

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user1486365849 · 10/01/2018 20:48

I could have written your post! I visited so many shops and just didn’t like anything. Mum offered to make mine as she used to make a lot of her own clothes etc.
We pretty much took 2 patterns and put them together and kind of copied one from the shops with parts of another.
The plus sides I would say are:
You get the exact dress you want! It can also be changed and tweaked as you go along.
You can have as many “fittings” as you need - I used to try mine on every Saturday until it was finished so it fitted me like a glove.
It’s great fun looking for the material and choosing lace etc,
And it’s totally unique to you - no one will ever have the same dress as you, I couldn’t fault mine and wouldn’t have changed it at all. I would say go for it if her skills are there!

user1486365849 · 10/01/2018 20:49

I should probably have said that my style I went for was relatively simple without boning or corset etc, maybe consider this before you go ahead as they can be much more difficult to make

user1466690252 · 10/01/2018 20:51

my mother made my first wedding dress. it was nice, and at the time, what i wanted. I divorced and remarried. my second wedding i tried on bridal gowns, nothing like it, they were stunning and absolute whichcraft, they did things to my body that I thought only surgery could do! I have never felt more beautiful than in my second wedding dress. My mother made the bridesmaid dresses and we both enjoyed that whole process better. Try dresses on first before you decide. I thought I would hate it and loved the experience

blamethecat · 10/01/2018 20:51

If you see something amazing that she wouldn't not be able to make could you have two dresses ? I.e. a fancy day dress then one for the evening that is more simple/easy to make ?

Original poster
Cliveybaby · 10/01/2018 20:57

I guess if I found something AMAZING in a shop I could ask her to do bridesmaids instead... They'd probably be easier too, although the three I'm planning to ask all live in different countries so fittings might be difficult!
Not sure on the wedding plans yet, but we're probably keeping it fairly simple, so I think one dress would be better...
But it's an option certainly!

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Bellamuerte · 10/01/2018 21:00

My MIL made my dress. Her job got really busy in the weeks leading up to the wedding and she didn't have time to finish it. There were lots of tears and I was panicking. In the end DH told her she had to finish it, so she sat up all night and I received it an hour before the wedding. It was hideous and too tight but DH forced me to wear it. After the reception she told me she was surprised it had even stayed together because she had stitched it so quickly! If I could have a do-over I wouldn't even consider letting her make my dress!

Onceuponatimethen · 10/01/2018 21:03

No experience but if you find your dream dress in the shop she could make a special going away outfit?

I would definitely try on a corseted dress before deciding you don’t want one. I never realised how much better I would look in one until I tried it on.

squishysquirmy · 10/01/2018 21:03

My mum makes and alters wedding dresses for a living, and was going to make my dress but in the end didn't as we found a gorgeous, reasonably priced alternative in the end.

This was a good thing, as I know it would have been a source of tension between us (not necessarilly the case for everyone in this position, and it might work fine for you. My mum can be quite over bearing and has a lot of form for not really listening to what I want, and hearing instead what she thinks would look good on me, and I have form for regressing into a sulky teenager! Grin)

So it depends on the relationship you have with her, how much you care about the dress being exactly what you want, and whether you think it would add to the stress of your wedding.

It could be a really lovely, bonding experience. Or it could be a nightmare.

Also be aware that wedding dresses (depending on the design) can be very different to make compared to normal dresses - so even an experienced seamstress could struggle. Even hemming a flouncy, full skirted, many layered dress can be a nightmare!
Not everything can be done in advance either - even if she makes the dress well before the wedding, be aware that last minute changes in weight (v. common) will result in last minute alterations. Again, if you have the kind of relationship with your mum where you can have frank, good natured conversations about your waist size then great, but I couldn't!

If you don't decide to have her make the dress, then maybe instead suggest she does the alterations, or makes the bridesmaids dresses instead? That way she still gets to use her skills to contribute to your wedding but with less stress.
This would give you more options in reducing costs too (if that is a concern) - a slightly too large second hand dress could be altered to fit you perfectly if you have a good seamstress on hand!

squishysquirmy · 10/01/2018 21:07

"They'd probably be easier too, although the three I'm planning to ask all live in different countries so fittings might be difficult!"

Tip: If you ask people to measure themselves, make sure that your mum communicates EXACTLY how the measurements are to be taken (with diagrams if possible).
It sounds daft, but people can have surprisingly different ideas about where the tape measure should be held and how tightly, etc. Very easy for misunderstandings to occur.

Notsoaccidentproneanymore · 10/01/2018 21:55

I made my sisters wedding dress whilst working full time. I made a toille to begin with (the dress but in calico) and made alterations to that, then transposed the measurements across to the pattern).

I also made my wedding dress which was a copy of a very expensive designer dress (I omitted the train though).

If your mum wants to and you’re happy with that, then I think it’s a lovely thing to do. But if you’re not happy, then say so. But tactfully.

Original poster
Cliveybaby · 11/01/2018 13:21

Thanks guys, this is all very helpful.
To answer a few points - yes we get on pretty well most of the time, although she can get on my nerves after a while (like anyone ha!).
But there's nobody I'd trust more to dress me well! I hate shopping but my mum is awesome at it, finds great things, and knows what suits me and what would look good on.
I don't think I'll want anything hideously complicated too.
I am currently losing weight (lost a stone in last 3/4 months, and got another to go). But not getting married for at least 6 months (possibly a year). So if she starts the dress before I've finished losing weight I'll just ask her to leave time to take it in if necessary.

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Original poster
Cliveybaby · 12/01/2018 15:03

Any more opinions / experiences? Would love to hear them all please! :)

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Skyllo30 · 12/01/2018 15:06

Be careful of a design with “a bit from this dress, a bit from that dress.” A friends sister had a dress made that combined many dresses and it was really awful - there’s a reason she couldn’t find a dress with all those elements as it was too much!

OhHolyJesus · 12/01/2018 15:14

My mum made mine, I love it and she worked on it overseas and did fittings when she had made progress and we were together. Took a couple of months because of this. We saved a lot as my shop bought choice was £1k+

It is totally unique to me and I loved the experience but did find it stressful at times. Perhaps work out a back up with with her if you have doubts. You do need to be comfortable and feel good in it on the day and she should understand this.

PiggyPlumPie · 12/01/2018 15:19

My mum made my sister's dress plus four bridesmaid dresses! They were all beautiful but it was very stressful for her. And me as she was taken into hospital two days before the wedding and I had to press it and put it on the dummy; some of the lace tore and I had to sew it up! Then the venue found the dress in a black bag that they nearly threw away. My sister had just shoved it in the bag behind the bar, ungrateful so-and-so!

WhyAspoonCousin · 12/01/2018 15:38

I would say it's better to try stuff on first, get an idea of what you want.
In the process you might find your perfect dress.
If not you will have a good idea of what suits you and what aspects of different dresses you like.
I made my own dress. It cost much more that if I had bought it!

Original poster
Cliveybaby · 15/01/2018 00:09

So for trying things on /window shopping, do you reckon a big warehouse kind of place is better, or the little boutique ones? (have both relatively nearby)

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