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Original poster

Is my fiance selfish to spend £600 on a stag do

67 replies

DH14 · 20/08/2017 02:44

Is it just me or am I right to complain that my fiancé is spending £600 on a stag do snowboarding abroad in Tignes with his mates when we are trying like mad to save for the wedding. We haven't had a decent holiday in 3 years. His best man is arranging it and my fiancé isn't too keen on snowboarding either. My fiancé has told his best man we are trying to save for a wedding it he's still going ahead and organising it even though my fiancé has told him we are struggling.

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Original poster
DH14 · 20/08/2017 20:33

This is the best mans response

Is my fiance selfish to spend £600 on a stag do
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Original poster
DH14 · 20/08/2017 20:35

My fiancé's son can't even afford to go and it's my fiancé's second marriage and he's 46 years old

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AnneLovesGilbert · 20/08/2017 20:47

What's he going to do? Has it actually been booked as he says "can be cancelled" or is it yet to be booked and the plan can be changed?

It doesn't sound like your fiancé will enjoy it as he hasn't wanted a holiday like that in the past. It's still going to cost loads as he'll feel obliged to pay for drinks and food for people when they're there so it's a gift that's going to cost. And a gift the recipient wouldn't enjoy isn't a very nice gift is it.

Now is the time to back out. And let the nice guy who was properly asked to be best man to organise a reasonably priced stag do the groom will enjoy! "I'm glad you understand and thanks for the offer but I'm asking [nice friend] to plan my stag do and will be passing on the trip". Cut it off now.

mirialis · 20/08/2017 20:58

Really glad he listened to your concerns.

So, if he WANTS to go (though is a shame if other people he would like to be there can't afford it but that's his choice)....

They're covering accommodation and flights, so if your fiance actually does WANT to go snowboarding he just has to price the cost of equipment hire (unless he has his own boarding clothes, helmet, board and boots already and thus the carriage of them of them on the plane unless this is covered by his mates as part of the flight price), transfers to Tignes, lift pass, winter sports insurance (A MUST!) booze (it's around £8 a pint in Tignes) and food (unless they are in a catered chalet).

Be careful to make sure your fiance knows exactly how much this trip will cost and whether it fits in with the budget so you guys can get a honeymoon. He doesn't have to stick to £150 just because you are, but would be a real shame for the comparative "overspend" on a stag do to trump a honeymoon. Your choice, though, of course...

bunningsbunny · 20/08/2017 21:41

How did your fiance react to that reply?

Ignoring the fact that if it gets paid for as his wedding present that it's not really a present to the both of you, and the fact that it's to do something that your fiance has actively tried to avoid doing on many occasions, would the best man (is he now officially best man and quiet original one standing back or is he just stag organiser?) be happy to spend the same amount of money doing something that your dh is actively into (racing cars around a track, climbing hills, doing a pub crawl, or whatever) or is he only happy to subsidise his own personal favourite activity regardless of what your dh likes to do?

timeisnotaline · 20/08/2017 21:49

I would have a conversation where you point out that getting married is one of the most important life events there is. If he is stopping you from having a honeymoon so he can go snowboarding, even if he loved snowboarding this is an awkward and half committed start to a marriage. As it is, he is choosing to not be embarrassed or confront this guy over having a honeymoon with his new wife. This is a really concerning choice and to be honest, you should be asking yourself and him how you can be confident he will choose you at other big moments in your life.

Original poster
DH14 · 20/08/2017 21:58

Exactly what I thought again, a wedding gift is to a bride and a groom not just the groom on his stag do. The lad that is organising the stag do is the one that's taking over and isnt really a best man. I honestly think this lad is using my fiancé as an excuse to do what he wants to do. My concern is now that his mate is supposedly paying for him as a wedding present and my fiancé can't snowboard for shit there will be an accident. They are away for 5 days with lads that are really good at snowboarding and my other half can't snowboard. X

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AnneLovesGilbert · 20/08/2017 22:48

He needs to reply and say thanks but no thanks, it's not something I'd enjoy, actual best man is organising my actual stag do. Simple as that.

The longer it goes on the more potential confusion there is. You'll both feel better when he's told annoying best man he's not going and the whole thing is behind you.

bunningsbunny · 20/08/2017 23:01

Hmm. Groom that can't snowboard with a load of stags that love it, load of would-be-stags that are close to the groom and not into snowboarding unable to go to stag do...

Doesn't sound like it's the groom's thing. There's a reason that the others are good at it and he isn't - he hasn't wanted to go before , which is fine but stag do isn't the time to start it.

Good luck trying to persuade him to have a stag that he would really enjoy. Is there anything that you know he would like to do?

OfficerVanHalen · 20/08/2017 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DH14 · 21/08/2017 05:19

His life is mounting biking and always has been, all his mates knows he lives and breathes bikes. He loves fell walking etc.. I don't even want this prick at our wedding

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Original poster
DH14 · 21/08/2017 05:19

Stagzilla that's a good one! 😂😂👍🏻

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OliviaBenson · 21/08/2017 06:36

So what does your fiancé think now? Did he reply?

Original poster
DH14 · 21/08/2017 08:26

I've no idea because he went to work really early this morning. I'm assuming by his reaction he will think he has to go because it's a present from his mate. Some bloody wedding present though that was for the bride and groom

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mirialis · 21/08/2017 09:04

But did he cost out 5 days' worth of eating and drinking in Tignes as well as all the kit hire, winter sports insurance and transfers? Sorry, but having 3-4 pints a day over 5 days is already going to cost about £140! That's just the drinks (and the stag dos I've seen on ski/boarding trips pack away a lot more booze than that).

Would also suggest the cost of snowboarding lessons but clearly pride is going to get in the way of that one anyway. Hmm

Unless this is ALL expenses paid, it's still going to cost him a lot of money... so is it a wedding gift, that neither of you want, that actually prevents the two of you having a honeymoon?

If it is a present from his mate, then it should cost him nothing at all. Not a penny. He can say no on the basis that, while it's an incredibly generous offer, it will still cost cash and also that his son can't afford to go and he wants his son on his stag do.

I would suggest the two of you plan and book a honeymoon and then work out what the remaining budget is for stag do.

Original poster
DH14 · 21/08/2017 10:43

He has told his mate out right he doesn't want to go and I can guarantee that it'll be me that gets the blame coz I'm a controlling freak.

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mirialis · 21/08/2017 11:00

Yep, you probably will get the old "ball and chain, 'er indoors, under the thumb" treatment from this sort of prick.

Glad your fiance has told him outright though, and hope you do get to plan a honeymoon together of some sort and have a fab wedding.

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