Hen do

[Murfs]

Hi all!!! Its my first time posting on here. My hen is coming up and I am super excited. My bms and mum are organising and its all top secret. I don't know exactly who is going but I know a few cousins cant make it. Today though one of my closest friends told me she cant come due to study commitments. I cant help feeling really disappointed as she has known about the hen for 5 months or so. She has a few other weddings and hens this year... I think I feel a bit let down that shes just not going to my hen but has gone to others. Anyway despite being in my 30s I feel like a 5 year old upset over nothing. Anyway just on here to get it off my chest.

That sounds dispointing OP. I had a bit of the same experience. I am going to hold that grudge for a long time!

Will your friend be at your wedding? Surely that's what matters.

A couple who are friends of mine are in their late 20s/early thirties and ALL their friends are getting married. I'm not exaggerating when I say that this year they have spent one, sometimes two weekends a month going on Stags and Hen dos. It's exhausting and they are thoroughly pissed off with it as it's costing them a fortune as they're in the cycle of "Going to Xs hen so can't not go to Ys hen."
Is something like this happening and she's just decided enough is enough?

Hen and Stag dos are odd things. I absolutely hate them, regardless of how much I like the person getting married. If I can swerve one I will, but would always try and spend some one on one time with the bride before the wedding instead.

Most people on MN seem to hate hen dos and prefer to spend one on one time with the bride before the wedding instead. Given that the bride is usually quite busy I can see why this would be tiring and she'd prefer you all just came to the event she'd arranged for her to do that at the same time with her close friends and family!

Perhaps there's someone going she doesn't like, perhaps she can't afford it. The wedding is the important event so don't judge her too harshly. After your hen you might understand her not coming a bit more.

Fair dos Stealth!
It would also be nice if Hen dos were just an evening out down a pub/restaurant ( like when I got married 20 years ago!) as opposed to what has become the norm for a lot of people now which involves travel, hotel costs and 'activities.'

Natural to feel disappointed but the main thing is that she is able to come to the wedding, I think. I very rarely go to hen dos as it's a fair amount of money and often with lots of people I don't know (I do make my excuses early though). And when all your friends are getting married in the same year then it takes up a hell of a lot of time.

Getting married next year and will be keeping my hen do simple for some of the above reasons (though a blow out was tempting!): a dinner somewhere gorgeous in London with closest male and female friends.

Yes good point. Most of the ones iv. Been to were like that or with that as an element that you could come to. Mine was a meal then off to the pub. I've not been to one in years though!

Study commitments sound fairly serious. Is she in the middle of a degree or something? Being able to work that weekend might make the difference between passing or not (and fees involved in that outcome). Perhaps she could come for just some of the time?

I agree that hen weekends are often a bit of a financial drain. I've had years without holidays because I couldn't afford hen weekends + wedding weekends and have anything left for my own holiday. I don't resent my friends, but I am sympathetic to anyone who doesn't feel like they can afford the time or financial commitment.