Clueless about wedding planning

[Shereen772]

Hi, I'm new to this and this is my first thread but I literally have no one else to turn to and have no idea what I'm doing so I thought I'd get some advice from people here. Me and my partner wanted to get married but I have no idea where to start.

A bit of backstory: I'm 24, I left my home a couple of years ago after suffering domestic violence at the hands of my family (they didn't approve of him). I haven't seen or spoken to anyone since then and that includes friends. Literally left everything behind and it's been extremely hard for me.

We're wanting to get married now and to do it pretty soon but I'm so overwhelmed because I have no idea where to start, what to do first. I know I won't get to have the traditional wedding I always wanted but now it is looking like the bare minimum and I'm really stressed thinking about this all. Do I have to get married in the same city I live and would register in? If there's only a handful of people do I book a venue because you have to state where you're getting married when you register. I have no idea and no one to help me and something which is supposed to be happy is turning into another sad moment of my life.

Any help anyone can give me is really greatly appreciated. Thank you

Congratulations
You can get married anywhere in the country (or pretty much, the world).
You will need to give notice of your marriage to a registrar local to your home address. If you are having a civil ceremony, you will also need to tell the registrars in the area where you are getting married so that they can come out on the day and conduct your ceremony (and so you can sign the register and get a marriage certificate).

For the smallest and simplest of ceremonies, you can have a statutory ceremony. This will cost £50 for the ceremony and £70 for you both to give notice. The local authority where you want to get married must provide statutory ceremonies at a set price, but they might have some limitations on where and when they can happen.

Most local authorities will also be able to offer you registry office/community venue ceremonies. These still tend to be on the small side, but are a relatively cheap option. The ceremony will be slightly longer than the statutory one and might be held in a more attractive location. Once the ceremony is over, you can head off where you like for a meal or party or whatever you fancy.

Then you have all your approved venues, the hotels, stately homes etc. The sky is pretty much the limit in terms of guest numbers, food, partying etc. But the local registration office will still need to send out registrars for your ceremony and they will also license all the venues.

So...the best thing you can do is go on your local council website and look for Registration Services. They will either have info online, or you should be able to phone them and get them to talk through your options in your local area. Or, if you have chosen a venue outside your local area, get in touch with the Registration Services for that area (the venue should be able to put you in touch).

As I mentioned before, your notice of marriage is the big legal requirement for getting married. You have to attend an appointment in person with your local registrar with all your paperwork proving identity, nationality, address and that you are free to marry. This appointment must be at least a month before your ceremony date (assuming you are both UK or EU citizens) and can be up to a year before your ceremony. You have to be able to tell the registrar the name of the venue you are getting married in (even if the date is uncertain). The information is publicly available for the month after you give notice.

Sorry for the huge post. I hope it helps a bit.

Congratulations on escaping your abusive family, and on your forthcoming wedding

Congratulations OP! Perspi has some great info there.

You can still have a lovely time even if it's the 'bare minimum': one of the best weddings I've ever been to was where the bride and groom took two witnesses to a registry office to marry, then met the rest of us (eight people) in a nice pub afterwards for the wedding breakfast. It was so laid back.

Think about the budget you have and what's most important to you about the day, and plan from there. It sounds like you deserve a wonderful day x

CluelessMummy and Perspi thank you for that, it's really helpful and I'm starting to get an understanding of where to start with all this.

We're both UK citizens, born and bred here so that's not a problem. What's thrown me off is something about giving your fathers details. Do I HAVE to do that? Like I said I haven't seen my family and don't intend to. Would my dad be contacted for some reason?

Another thing which worries me is the notice being publicly available. Obviously with the circumstances I left in, I've worked very hard to stay "invisible" and am worried about anyone seeing our names so easily. Sorry if it sounds paranoid but when I initially left, they managed to find the address we moved to and I've no idea how, even after us both being really careful. Since leaving I'm always scared about anyone from my family seeing me or even someone who I may not know but they know me. Any little thing my brain tends to overthink and all the details involved in trying to get married is just sending me into overdrive

Your notice to marry will only be displayed in the registry office. With regards to father's details I believe you can leave this blank, my DH had no choice because he doesn't know who his father is neither does his mother, but that's a whole other story.

They only use this information to check you are who you say you are - you have to provide a copy of your birth certificate - his name will be on that anyway.

You can have a short or long marriage certificate - the longer one will be used for passports etc

Go to your local registry and ask for the forms and maybe discuss what's local - they are the experts in your area

You can leave your father's details blank. You do not need to provide a birth certificate if you have a valid UK Passport.
The registrars will not contact your family.
The notice being "public" is actually usually very low key, often displayed in one council building, tucked away somewhere and not actually publicised (if you see the difference).

If you have a bit of time you could look at doing various stuff to blur your identity, such as changing your name by deed poll and getting a new passport in your new name before you give notice. Your notice would then be in your new name. Or taking up temporary residence for 9 days at a different address, so you give notice as resident at a different address. I think it depends how far you want to go and how much of actively you feel your family may be looking for you.

We did the notice to marry thing last week. We didn't have to provide any family details, just passports and driving licenses. We were interviewed separately and had to provide our own and each other's occupations and dates of birth, amd the date and venue of the wedding. You can't change that, so book your venue first. Don't worry

Thank you everyone for the advice and kind words, it's been a real help and I think I'm starting to calm down and worry less