Commitment Ceremony

[Mamabooksbabynumber2]

Hello!

Me and my partner are thinking of having a commitment ceremony- a wedding without the legal bit.

Has anyone attended one before? I'm apprehensive because it's not the typical thing people do and I don't want friends and family to look down on the idea. Is it odd? Partner is incredibly anti-marriage and that is a topic for another thread. A commitment ceremony is a compromise. So would you go to one if you were invited? We were thinking jist close friends and family so around 40 people

It being rude but what is the point ?

It's making a promise of commitment in front of friends and family and celebrating that promise and our 7 years together with our children. Like a wedding but without the legalities.

I want to get married and he doesn't believe in marriage so this is a way of meeting in the middle potentially

It's making a promise of commitment in front of friends and family and celebrating that promise and our 7 years together with our children. Like a wedding but without the legalities.

I want to get married and he doesn't believe in marriage so this is a way of meeting in the middle potentially

I would go if I were invited and put on a good show but I would think it was a bit pointless really.

If you aren't getting married, are you properly protected in the event that you and your partner split up?

I suppose it's the wedding equivalent of a naming ceremony. If it makes you happy, go for it. Anyone who cares about you will be happy to support you.

As pp said , anyone who knows you / cares about you will turn up and smile but if a relative of mine were doing it I'm sorry but privately I'd be saying how ridiculous it is . Surely if you've got children that already shows you are committed to each other , I suppose I view it the same way that I view vow renewals .

Obviously the last thing I would want is for people to be laughing about it.

That's not a compromise, really. It's a party.

A compromise is doing the legal stuff, properly, however you choose to do that, and losing all the frippery, surely.

I mean you could sort out the legals using wills, agreements and other protections with the solicitor etc, or you could do it at the registry office, as suits you and your budget, but it's that the actual point of the whole thing?

To be honest where is the additional commitment without the legal bit? You already have kids and presumably a home together?
Having him stand up and say in front of family and friends he promises to commit to you, except for all the legal bits, seems pointless.

As a friend I'd be very happy to celebrate with you, but equally, as a friend, I'd be worrying about how protected you'd be in the event of a sudden death or separation, if an afternoon of prosecco and pretty outfits for the DC was as far as the 'commitment' went. You know, Jerry Hall and all that...

Do whatever makes you happy. Some people can only see things from their own point of view. I think it sounds lovely

That's exactly what a handfasting is (except in Scotland it's a legal marriage).

Handfasting goes way back. DP and I are getting handfasted next year, we are Pagan ( you don't have to be Pagan though) and it's how we want to do it.

All the people who care about us will be there. The ceremony will be carried out by a Druid Priest. It is not pointless!

DP and I won't be having a traditional ceremony. We live on the continent and have to have a town hall wedding. But our real event will be a commitment/symbolic ceremony with all our loved ones, followed by celebrating

In what way is this a compromise? Why do you want to get married? Why does he not?

A wedding is a shortcut to a whole lot of legal commitments; if you want to be married because you want (need?) the legal commitment, then this is pointless. If you just want an excuse for a party, then fine, but that's all this is.

Even the name, "commitment ceremony", is pointless, because you're actually just saying fancy words, there is nothing stopping either of you doing whatever the hell you want the very next day. The legal stuff of a wedding is the commitment of accepting responsibilities and gaining specific rights.

By the way, Maiden, not all handfasting ceremonies in Scotland are legal marriages - depends if the person leading the ceremony is a registered celebrant or not.

I would be very worried about you if I was one of your friends or family. I would be concerned that you had no legal protections. I would be concerned that you were prioritising a party over getting those protections. I would be concerned about a man who "doesn't believe in marriage" but is prepared to leave their partner and children legally vulnerable. I would wonder why, if you are going to the expense of having a commitment ceremony, you don't tack on a bit of extra spend and go ahead and get married.
And if I was being really cynical, I'd wonder if you were just trying to bilk your guests out of some presents.
It just seems pointless.

@Bardolino I presumed that was a given

ExH has had a commitment ceremony and I feel awful for his 'wife'. Like she has been robbed of the dignity and respect that she deserves. She looked beautiful on the day - full white dress, bridesmaids and page boys, the works, but there is no legal bit. It was all a show. They draped string over their wrists to show commitment. No rings. And they went on a honeymoon after. My ExH openly tells people he feels shafted from his divorce to me and he is in the stronger position so he won't make himself open to that again. I think he needs to marry her because poor woman has done the show but nothing out of it. Read the many, many threads from people who have separated after decades of partnership for further advice on if it's a good idea.

Having been married for many years and having experienced the shitstorm of divorce, given a choice I wish We could've just gone our separate ways.
I'll never marry in the legal sense again but I am looking forward to our handfasting.

We don't have children together, joint property ( I own our home) or finances. I'm independent in every sense but he does have my heart.