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Would you go to her hen do?

17 replies

user1497020183 · 09/06/2017 16:00

I have a group of friends who I don't really see very often anymore. One of them is having her hen do next weekend and it's costing a fortune. I'm on maternity pay and it just seems to be money after money. One of the girls asked for some money as she is driving but it seemed a lot for the amount of miles we are doing so I said I might get my OH to take me. They then questioned why etc and I said if I'm honest it is costing a lot of money which I don't have. I said it's her day and I'll do it but it's just a struggle.
She then said to me basically to shut up and not moan to her as it's ruining her day, I said I didn't want that which is why I said I'll do it but I would rather be honest as to why I'm finding it hard. She said she would rather I just moaned to the other girls about her, I then said I would not be a true friend if I just bitched behind her back, like the other girls. But she carried on saying that's what she would rather do. This weekend will cost me the best part of £200.. and I feel like they just want me there for the sake of it. If she had said I know it's a lot but I really want you there it would have made me feel better. I feel like flaking and just risk losing the friendship as it has been strained for a long time anyway.. one of them has never seen my 5 month old boy and the girl who's hen do it is has only seen him twice and that was only because she came to collect the £70 for the hotel which I paid. What would you do? Am I being unreasonable? Honest opinions all welcome.

OP posts:
17caterpillars1mouse · 09/06/2017 16:05

Don't go. Simples

FilledSoda · 09/06/2017 16:07

They aren't really friends at all are they?
I would say sorry you are unable to make it now after all.

poppoppop · 09/06/2017 16:08

I wouldn't go if you haven't already paid tbh

QuiteLikely5 · 09/06/2017 16:09

How much did she want for fuel? And how many miles?

mirren3 · 09/06/2017 16:11

It's a no brainer, no way would I be going in those circumstances. Use the money and have a lovely day with your DH and DS.

singme · 09/06/2017 16:11

They don't sound very nice.

It's not anyone's "day" it's just an event you've been invited to that you can't afford. Going along with it begrudgingly will just cause friction. Far better to be honest and say you can't afford it.

What are you meant to be up to?

gamerchick · 09/06/2017 16:12

Just don't bother, it doesn't sound as if you're into it anyway.

*remembers a time where hen dos where a night on the lash covered in L plates.

QuestionARhino · 09/06/2017 16:25

I wouldn't bother. I was invited to the hen do for the girl who was my best friend at school. They had a great deal that meant they needed full payment more than one year in advance. Unfortunately I had just bought a car and a trip to Australia so there was just no way I could have paid on time. They were far more gracious about me backing out completely (and I was not willing to compromise because I don't like borrowing or owing money) than your friend is being about you making a small compromise to make it affordable for you. Screw them, I'd give it a miss, it's not even the wedding!

alltouchedout · 09/06/2017 16:28

Oh god no, don't go. Why spend a load of money you can't really afford on something you won't enjoy? So that someone you're not that close to and don't feel particularly appreciated or wanted by can be satisfied by the turn out at her hen do?

numbmum83 · 09/06/2017 16:35

Some people like to have nights out with anyone they can drag along just to make up numbers . I have a friend who will invite anyone she can just coz it looks better on her if there's lots of people plus it costs her less in taxis and usually gets other people to pay . This sounds similar, like they want you to go just to split the petrol and make up numbers .

OfficerVanHalen · 09/06/2017 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 09/06/2017 16:43

It depends, how much you have already paid? How far away is it? Is it a full weekend? Is it doing something you will enjoy? How do you feel about leaving your baby?

I went to my sil hen which I was dreading she was nothing short of an absolute cu** to me leading up to it and the wedding. Total Bridezilla. I didnt want to leave my six month old breastfed baby. I went and absolutely hated it she was a total cow to me and I was looking for trains to go home the Saturday but stuck it out. I wish id just followed my gut instinct.

user1497020183 · 09/06/2017 17:09

It's about 30 miles away (but I was only going one way with them as it's Father's Day the next day so my OH is meeting me there for the day) and she was £25 and then whatever parking is. I have already paid £70 for the hotel :-/ but would end up paying that again and more for one night.. and as I said the next day is my OH's first Father's Day too.

OP posts:
QuestionARhino · 09/06/2017 19:01

£25 for 30 miles?! Are you her only passenger or is she conning £25 out of a few of you?! That's insane, I wouldn't charge a friend anything if I was already going that way, or at most they could buy me a drink 😧

Ariawyn · 10/06/2017 21:21

£25 for 30 miles?!!?!?!

Fucking hell

gamerchick · 10/06/2017 22:10

Eh? shes taking the piss there. You can get 84 mile out of 20 quidish in our car.

Elland · 12/06/2017 10:21

I don't know what car she's got but my 1.2 l engine would cost a fiver for 30 miles! Definitely either get your DH to take you or don't bother at all!

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