Invite dilemma

12 replies

WeddingSmedding · 01/05/2017 18:33

I'm getting married soon. It's a small day do (max 30 people, including us), but we're having an evening do that evening.

I do not want any fuss and especially don't want lots of people watching us exchange vows so the guest list is pretty much immediate family only for the day. The evening can hold as many as we want.

DP is inviting a family of relatives to the day do, a mum, dad and two kids, one a teenager and one aged 20. They all live at home. The older one has a reasonably long term girlfriend whom DP now wants to invite to the day do. She's already invited to the evening as a +1. I've met her a few times but don't really socialise with her so it feels like having a stranger invited.

Am I being unreasonable in not wanting her at the day do?

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 01/05/2017 18:37

I'd consider the 20 year old an adult and invite their significant other if they were in a serious relationship. It's only one person.

Would there be others who would be annoyed their partner wasn't invited if you invited her?

sooperdooper · 01/05/2017 18:37

Not unreasonable at all, if you want to to be family & married couples only then stick to that

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 01/05/2017 18:38

As it's only 1 person, and her presence would please three people, I'd invite her.

NorthernLurker · 01/05/2017 18:38

The relatives family are your partners sibling and children aren't they? I think you should agree he can invite the people he wants and you do the same.

thatstoast · 01/05/2017 18:42

I think keeping her invite to evening only is fine as you're having a small ceremony. If you follow the 'it's only one person' attitude then you end up with a big wedding.

Original poster

WeddingSmedding · 01/05/2017 18:43

Not sibling. It's his mum's cousins family I think. They are close though. To put it into perspective, of the 28 spaces on the day do he's invited 17 people.

OP posts:

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 01/05/2017 18:44

Then he wants a bigger wedding than you are having! I think if he wants certain people at his wedding, that's fair enough.

Original poster

WeddingSmedding · 01/05/2017 18:45

We compromised. Small day do on condition that he had a big evening do. His invite list for that currently tops 100.

OP posts:

sooperdooper · 01/05/2017 18:47

I think you should have equal numbers of guests - if he wants her on his list he needs to take someone else off :)

PurpleDaisies · 01/05/2017 18:49

I don't think equal number of guests is fair in general. It's very hard if one person has a large family.

pigeondujour · 01/05/2017 18:50

It's reasonable to not invite her (although I would) but definitely NOT reasonable to say 'married couples only' so don't go that route.

Mum2jenny · 01/05/2017 20:25

Invite who YOU want to each part of your day, not what's expected.

Flip