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Offering the opportunity to attend elopement?

9 replies

ParsleyCake · 08/12/2016 09:19

My parter and I have decided to elope, but I told my friend and she told me she would be there, and would pack herself into my suitcase if I tried to leave without her! She's more than happy to pay for herself. This got me thinking, what if others feel the same?

I'm pretty sure my mum, for instance, would say much the same.

See the reason we are eloping is because we can't afford a wedding. While we would definitely want to keep it small, we really have no objection to others coming, it's just that we can't afford to pay for them - travel, hotel rooms, reception etc. I think at most we can probably do a cake and pay for a drink for our guests afterwards. We live in Scotland and the ceremony would be in England at a place that's important to us as a couple.

It's literally just a ceremony, we are not fussed what people would wear or where they would stay or anything. But even though we are not telling people what to do or wear, I can't seem to find a way to phrase invitations to an elopement.

Something like: and are getting married and extend an invitation to the reception at ......

We are having a small, intimate ceremony at on at__, but guests are welcome (should I add something along the lines of 'at their own expense' here? Seems a bit rude...). Should you wish to attend, please contact us at (phone number) as soon as you can as guest numbers are limited.

I am rubbish at writing things, and this is definitely a lot less eloquent than what I would actually write, but can anyone help me figure out how to write it?

OP posts:
YesItsMeIDontCare · 08/12/2016 09:24

We kept it totally informal and let people know via text. Explained to extended family that there was no room at the boring bit the actual ceremony, but they were welcome to join us at the pub afterwards but it wasn't a "proper" reception.

Everyone came, everyone paid for their own food and quite frankly it was lovely.

FizzBombBathTime · 08/12/2016 09:24

If you do that, you're not really eloping you're just having a small wedding.

Which is fine if that's what you want

We eloped, didn't regret it

YesItsMeIDontCare · 08/12/2016 09:25

Sorry - should have said that we explained to people on the phone or face to face. No room for misinterpretation and upset that way.

senua · 08/12/2016 09:29

Why not get married locally so people can attend with no transport / hotel costs and then honeymoon at the 'important to us as a couple ' place. Go to the Registry Office then back to yours for a low-key celebration. I'm sure that if you tell others about your predicament they would pitch in to help with catering.

Marriage is about love. Let others share your love, don't shut them out because of money worries.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 08/12/2016 09:31

I don't think you can "invite" people; because it'd be very difficult to then set the boundaries you need. You can let people know that you're getting married on X date and X place, but I think you'd need to do it face to face and make sure there's no misunderstandings about what to expect - maybe be honest that you're eloping for financial reasons so aren't having a "wedding", but they are welcome to watch you come get married if they can afford to?

Although I'd agree it's not really eloping if everyone knows and some are coming along! Just a very small ceremony.

Your friend sounds nice. Will DPs side be as understanding? Do they know? I'd talk to parents on both sides first to make sure they understand and are happy.

meditrina · 08/12/2016 09:46

It just seems wrong to invite people to an elopement! Goes against its whole purpose.

But if you want to do it that way round, I think you could skip thing to word and invitation and just talk to people. Or explain it all in your next chatty email.

FetchezLaVache · 08/12/2016 09:48

I absolutely love the idea of being "offered the opportunity to attend an elopement"! I think you should word it exactly like that. Or maybe ring round the people you would invite if you could afford to, explain the predicament (and exactly what you and DP can afford to provide at the potential party afterwards) and let them decide if they would like to come on a self-funding basis.

Rubies12345 · 08/12/2016 11:26

If you invite people you're expected to host them.

Don't send out invites, if people really want to come they'll ask

Soon2bC · 09/12/2016 10:52

My DM and DSDad got married in the local registry office, they sent us all a message saying when and where and that they were going to a local restaurant afterwards.
message was, if you want to come and see the marriage then feel free to join us, we are having a meal at XXXX restaurant after but will only be booking for us, if you chose to have a meal in the same place we will see you there.
after the meal they took themselves off on a week honeymoon at a country hotel
about 30 of us turned up to see the ceremony and then all went for the meal at our own expense, some just came for a quick drink and to say congratulations and it was lovely and only cost them the price of a registry office.

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