Faily Wedding Split

[princessjonsie67]

Last year my step neice (although she has been raised as my beloved nieces since birth and treated as such) announced that she was getting married the following year. The previous year her sister had got married and invited myself and my husband of 12 years. I explained that my husband may not be able to attend as he was working towards an important exam but we will wait until closer to the time. As the day got closer I call my mum (the brides nan) and said he wouldn't attend and she said she would tell the bride but she did not even though she assured me she had and it was sorted, when we got there a meal and place was ordered. I queried this and my mum confessed she had not told the bide in case he could come at the last minute and begged me not to say anything as she didn't want her granddaughter to be upset with her so I covered for my mum and I apologised to the bride and offered to pay fir the expense of his meal etc but she graciously declined my offer and nothing more was said. Back to her sister. When she sent out the save the day card there was only my name on the card. I queried this and was told to wait and see what the invite said. I was told that the wedding was to be kept small and they were cutting corners and not inviting certain people. This was to include the brides cousin and only minimum family and no children apart from the bridal party. When the invite arrived it was in my name. My DH was happy for me to go alone but I declined but said I felt it was not right but I was not falling out with anyone over it and wished them all the best and I would send card present etc and I wanted to see the video. Spin on to last night two weeks before the weeding. On facebook it turns out that the cousins are going along with two children and also all partners are included apart from my poor DH who has done nothing to the either party. People are going that the bride slags on a regular basis and says she hates them. Im furious. Now my mum (there step nan but to them their real nan) is refusing to go as she is disgusted in her behaviour as she believed what she had been told. . Ive told my mum to go and not to cause trouble but this is a bomb waiting to explode. Advise please

Could there be some bad feelings towards your DH over what probably looked like him just not bothering to turn up to the sister's wedding and not bothering to tell them he wasn't going?

It's probably because he was a no show last time. Maybe they don't want to take the chance

that's what I thought but she raises a lot of money for a local charity and he always sponsors her large sum and she always calls or emails him to thank him and he sorted her laptop out since so she seems happy to take from him. If this is the reason she should have said. I would have had to fess up that it was their beloved grandma problem and she was worried they would be angry with her (as if as all the grandchildren worship the ground she walks on). Its most bizarre

It's not that surprising is it given that as far as they knew he just didn't turn up last time? You should have told them directly and not left it to your mum to pass on the message.

I think they thought you/he were very rude last time for not letting them know he wasn't coming so haven't taken that risk this time.

I agree I think they were probably annoyed that as far as they were aware he didn't come at short notice last time.

The reason I got my mum to do it was that we live 500 miles away from them. I don't have their phone numbers and the bridge of the wedding he didn't go to are not on facebook. She comes to her nan every week so that's why. My mum assured me that she had told her and it was all ok. I trusted what she had said .

It doesn't matter what your reasons were for not telling them yourself personally that your husband wasn't attending, their perception is that it's your fault and they are not going to risk it again.

Mind you, I don't think your reasons were good enough. If you didn't have their phone numbers, you find them out. Replying via FB is not acceptable for a wedding either.

Well didn't the invite tell you how to RSVP? I would have sent them an apology card when you knew your DP wasn't going to come.

I know you thought your mum would tell them, but to me thats quite rude - they've invited you to a wedding, if you're not going you should tell them yourself.

Surely a wedding invitation comes with an rsvp address?

they didn't send invites as we are Family so I could not RSVP as I normally would. I understand what you are all saying but why not exclude me as well? They have also excluded my son so he is the only "cousin" not going. He couldn't go to the first one as he was working in the USA and they knew this as they came to his going away party. Then again thinking about it with my step family we are family when they want it but when it comes to parties and event etc we are not included in the immediate family . I was there fantastic step sister when I used to look after there kids all weekend so they could go partying but now im not even considered. Strange