Biggest waste of money? What do you wish you'd spent more on?

[xax1980]

I'm in the planning stages for our wedding this year and feel (financially) like I'm on a boat that's gaining speed that I can't get off. One thing that's true is that everyone seems to add on a little extra as soon as you mention 'wedding'. What was your biggest waste of money? What do you wish you'd spent more on? Thanks so much for any advice.

I agree sooper At my cousin's wedding the cake was served for pudding. It wasn't traditional fruit cake as it isn't very popular with most people. They just had three tiers of different cakes, with spares in the kitchen because clearly there wasn't enough to go round with just the three tiers.

I think that many people overthink weddings these days and are persuaded by wedding planners to spend far too much. It should be a special and memorable day, but not worth going into debt for. What comes afterwards is far more important - a happy marriage.

This is all brilliant advice, thank you! There are a few things I'm going to change/tweak now after reading. I really appreciate your experiences!

We paid 2000 for our band, they were amazing and I have never before or since been to a wedding where evey single space on the dance floor was filled for the entire night. They did two sets, and DJ ed in between and they were brilliant, well worth the money. Not a macarena or grease megamix in sight....I only wish we had paid the little bit extra for them to pay for the license to play 2 of my favourite songs and have one of them as our first dance. At the time it seemed expensive at 50 pound a song, but now I wish I'd had that song instead of the generic first dance song we did have. Everytime I hear it I feel a little bit sad....

What was the name of the band? They sound great! x

I agree that drinks and canapés upon arrival at the reception venue is a good thing, especially if you're going to disappear off for photos.

I went to one wedding where the couple disappeared for HOURS having photos taken at numerous locations, and the guests were left to mill around the reception venue with no clue what was going on, and having to buy their own drinks. It was so boring.

Skip favours altogether. Complete waste of money.
I wish I had spent loads more on the invites and thank you cards. The ones we got were really flimsy hand made shite. I wish I had spent a fortune on thick engraved card ones.

Also agree with everyone who says don't bother with favours. I also didn't have any bridesmaids (usually a massive source of aggro), had minimal flowers and travelled to the ceremony in a black London cab

"I wish I had spent loads more on the invites and thank you cards"

Seriously? No-one keeps them. I think that is a complete waste of money as they get thrown away after the event.

We got the ladies at the church to do our flowers too as it was cheaper, more people got enjoyment out of them and we didn't have to cart them around!

We got married 3 years ago and spent £20k (includes about £4K on Thailand honeymoon). To be honest, there's not anything I would change. The majority of the expense was the venue which was amazing (castle in Scotland) albeit I'm sure a great time would have been had by all somewhere cheaper. We wanted to make sure we were in a nice venue incase it rained and everyone was indoors (I've been to a few weddings where they assume sunshine....and it rained...grim...). And funny enough it rained! I spent a lot on hair and makeup for myself and 4 bridesmaids. Some people thought that was extreme but I have difficult hair and don't have a clue about makeup so for me, that was worth it, and we looked amazing in the photos. I had expensive dress (£1500) but I loved it and again, wouldn't change it. We didn't go for a cake but had cupcakes instead. I'm sure I could go back and shave things here and there but at the time thought I did (didn't have wedding cars for example) and it still added up! You really do have to think about what's important for you. I wasn't going to do favours but someone suggested charity donation instead so we donated £2 per guest to Cancer Research which was still an expense but 'easier' than favours (and a nice gesture).

I was quite happy with what we did and would largely do the same now - took a LOT of advice from Mumsnet :

Small guest list of people we are still in touch with
Sunday wedding meant big saving on venue
Stayed at venue night before so didn't need a car
Didn't do evening do as not important to us - all guests appreciated being able to go home at sensible time!
Favours cost £20 the lot off Etsy
Not many flowers - no-one really cares except you
Professional photographer but didn't spent more than £600 (4 years ago) - we knew we wouldn't look at the album. Make sure you have copyright of the images.
Did own hair and makeup from youtube vids - was fine
Did own cake - google rose cake for icing, it's very easy and looks amazing
Friend of a friend who was into card craft did invites and all stationary - bargain
All bridesmaids aged under 5 - from reading numerous threads on here this saved a huge amount of aggro! I made their dresses but you can buy nice child ones from BHS. Parents of page boy bought his outfit.
Husband bought nice suit that he still wears for work
One glass prosecco on arrival, wine for meal, after that clear it was a paybar

Only thing I would do differently is spend less on my dress

The nicest thing about out wedding 25 years ago is that of all our friends who were married at the time, only one couple has divorced.

The stuff that's worth the money is the stuff people remember. What do guests remember?

• food and drink;
• a decent band (much classier than a DJ IMO, but depends what you can afford).

We managed to save money on the food by ordering off the 'conference menu', which was about 1/3 less than the 'wedding menu'.

As for you:

• don't blow a fortune on a wedding dress that you'll wear once. Either hire one (I wish I'd done this), or buy one that doesn't break the bank.

• get your hair and make-up done professionally.

• hire a proper wedding photographer. The photos will be all you have once its all over and if they're shit you'll be devastated.

I would say professional photos and videos were the must haves for me. The day does so quickly and is such a blur it is lovely to look back on.

Food and drink and music also important - if you get those 3 right, everyone will have a good time.

Everything else is just details really.

25 years ago...3 grand cost in total.

Worth it: music, service, and location (we spent most on this).

Not worth it: flowers, photographer, cars

We saved by not having a sit down meal. We had a sort of 'garden party' in a hotel garden with waiters going round with sandwiches, canapés, sparkling wine, and then cake and tea. It was nice, really informal and everyone could chat to everyone else.

I agree that way too much is spent on fripperies at weddings these days - wedding favours, matchy matchy chair covers, decorations etc. We didn't have any of that. It simply never occurred to me

this ^ x 1000
I can't believe what "extras" some weddings seem to have. All tiny details that no-one remembers.
Guests will remember if they are hungry or if there's loads of waiting around. Otherwise, nobody cares about those tiny details. Nobody wants favours or fancy chair covers. You do no need to have your make up professionally done. You do not need to all have the same hairdresser. Cars are a big expense that can often be done away with (depending on your circumstances - but get friends to drive you)

I wish we'd spent more on a photographer. After lengthy meetings with ours, we thought he offered what we wanted - natural reportage style. On the day he had a hissy fit because we didn't want to pose for too many photos. And I don't have any of the natural pictures I wanted.

He was much cheaper than some of the other photographers we looked at but based on his portfolio, we thought he was ideal. 5 years later and I have 3 photos printed, no album as I hate the vast majority of them.

I wish:

• I'd hired or bought an off the peg dress rather than spending £2000 having one made
• ditto cake - there are lots of lovely cakes you can buy via e.g. Waitrose etc. Everyone was so full after the meal most of the cake was left anyway
• we'd had a better photographer who was good at organising and dealing with people and had spotted the two kids in orange raincoats who got themselves into just about every photo (somewhat ironic since these were the ONLY two kids invited as they were kids of old friend who had travelled from Germany for wedding)
• we hadn't invited people like work 'friends' who really weren't that important to us and we lost touch with a couple of years later

Even 25 years ago, my head said hire, my heart said no. There was no knowing the outcome of the marriages of the previous brides. A bit like not buying a seconh hand engagement ring through an auction house. Perfectly good financial sense but a bit of an ill omen. and my mum's empire line gown was hired

I'm glad-
We had the same smallish (50) manageable number of people all day. No extras rolling up at night. The money saved on that took us to the Maldives for honeymoon.
No bridesmaids.
No-one there that either of us didn't know reasonably well.

I wish-
We'd set a budget for the flowers. Lovely, but far too much.
I'd had a video recording of the day. Some precious people there now gone.
I'd done my own make up.

Don't waste money on wedding car, favours, chair covers, invitations or place cards. Do spend money on good food and wine and entertainment. No-one will remember the crappy favours or fancy invite but they will remember if they were hungry or bored!
Only invite people you really love.

I am now divorced so maybe not a good omen..However I was in love at the time...I had a small wedding.. I Do wish I had paid for a photographer.. and also the most special part of the day was when we made our vows to each other.. I did get to spend time with everyone who was there and that worked well for me.

Agreed fartlek. We went to a wedding last year where we were absolutely starving- the ceremony was at 2pm, there were no canapés whilst we had to wait around for the photos to be done (even though the bride had talked about choosing them so we all expected something). We didn't sit down to eat until about 4:30. The wedding breakfast was main and dessert only (which would normally be more than enough for me), but the portions were tiny. We were still hungry afterwards. The evening buffet didn't come out until nearly 10pm, and I have never seen a queue form so quickly- people were clearly very hungry. The buffet was chicken or bacon baps- I'm vegetarian as were about 10 other guests, so we all queued up to find we couldn't eat anything even though we'd RSVP'd to say we were veggies. DH and my best friend had a chicken bap each and both spent the small hours throwing up at home so we think there was an issue with the chicken

This was the wedding of one of my best friends. I was expecting a wonderful day- and it was, it was lovely to see my friend happy, the ceremony was nice, and the dress was beautiful. I would never, ever repeat the comments about the food to my friend because she'd be mortified and I love her very much. I'd also never talk to anyone other than DF and my best friend about it (and I only talked to my friend because I knew she'd had the chicken too and wanted to see if she was ok the next day!)

If I'm honest though, I think our prevailing memory of that day will be being so hungry It's a shame because they'd spent a lot of money on a casino for the evening 'do- I think the money would perhaps have been better spent on food.

Please don't flame me for saying this!

We saved money on:
A lady at the church did the flowers so cheaper than a florist.
Didn't hire any cars. My brother has a silver car so we used that and he drove.
Photography - ours was quite cheap which didn't include an album, just a cd. Also a friend took a load. 8 years on I have a boxful of photos I printed out and 2 empty albums! One day I will sort it... - wish I'd spent a bit more getting decent ones and an album although editable albums are much cheaper and easier now so need to ake one of them.
Cake and table decoration - my Mum did them.
Shoes and a bridesmaid dress from Ebay, got lucky.

Disappointed with:
My dress! It has a bodice, no sleeves. The shop lady assured me it wouldn't slip down exposing my breasts too much but it did! It was as tight as we could get it yet I spent the whole day displaying more than I wanted to, and in the photos too. Ruined the day for me a bit. Wish in a way I'd bought the first one I tried on which I really liked but felt I should try others! Was much cheaper too..

Hair and make up. I never do much with these and wished I'd paid someone to make me look better - only a minor thing though.

I bought some bits for the children for during the meal to stop them being bored but they got left in a car! Needed someone to take charge but it was all a bit of a rush getting everything sorted on the day in the end.

In a way could have done without the evening do in hindsight. I enjoyed it, we had a good band etc but hardly anyone danced and it really annoyed me! If we did it again I wouldn't bother. Would have a much smaller wedding altogether actually and it wasn't all that big compared to many.