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Fellow bridesmaid, I'm gonna kill her!

5 replies

Excited101 · 24/09/2015 14:20

I'm having an issue. I'm maid of honour for my best friend's wedding, we've been friends for about 8/9 years and I've looked forward to this for a long time! There are 4 other bridesmaids who all live locally to my friend, and she has known them for about 4 years, one is the groom's sister, 2 are good friends of hers and then there's another one who she is not hugely close to but she was sort of a given as a bridesmaid due to how she knows them as a group.

They got engaged last winter, and the wedding is this December. I've been trying SO hard to get on with the other girls and 3 of them aren't a problem (though one can be quite bristley). It's the girl who is not as close to the bride who I'm struggling with. Less than a week after the engagement she had already started a group for the bridesmaids to all chat to each other about the hen party etc, basically the whole hen party is stuff that she has chosen and she's pipped me to the post pretty much every time there's been something to do or organise.

I've had to veto quite a few things that the bride would hate and although I've tried to be positive about everyone's ideas, I know I can come across as abrupt and a few months ago I apologised for this and admitted I had been feeling jealous that they were all local to the bride (I live a few hours away) and that I was missing out on loads of wedding stuff which they were getting to be a part of. That seemed to clear the air but it's all got ridiculous again.

In the meantime I've been called up on in front of all the hens for being the last to pay an instalment (despite the fact she'd been kept in the loop and it had only been a few days since the money was asked for), and most recently I suggested a recipie for something which I was told wouldn't be a good idea in case people are dairy intororent! The recipe already calls for cheese so it's completely illogical. I'm pretty much at the end of my tether- I don't really eant anything to do with it anymore it's just been stress after stress and it's all this one girl.

She wants to micromanage and plan every second of the weekend and insists on behaving and talking to everyone like a child; there's lots of talk of going 'beddy bies', calling people childish pet names that end in 'poo' and I could get past that- it's how she is but I just want to have a hand in organising my best friend's hen party, as her maid of honour! She even had the audacity to 'remind' me that 'it's all about what 'bride' wants' as if I didn't know.

The bride went on holiday with them in a group a couple of weeks ago and told me how over organised it was and she just wanted chill time, and I'm really trying to factor that in for the hen party weeken. She works really hard and massively appreciates time to just kick back and this girls seems to want to fill every second of the day- I can't keep saying no, I sound like a cow enough as it is. I'm fully aware I've been pissing people off but I don't know what else to do!

Sorry, probably more of a rant than anything else but I'm hating pretty much this whole experience and it's such a shame.

OP posts:
notamum3210 · 24/09/2015 15:17

That sounds so frustrating. The bride chose you has maid of honour so I wouldn't worry about vetoing decisions too much - this bridesmaid sounds overbearing. No suggestions I'm afraid but it sounds rubbish.

GrandHighWitch · 24/09/2015 15:21

What an overbearing old bag. I would be nice but firm on things - try not to drag the bride right in, but is there some way you can get her to officially assign you with duties to avoid the steamrollering?

mayaknew · 24/09/2015 15:25

Ugh op sounds like hard work !

What is the hen weekend ? Could you maybe plan in some down time for the bride ? I'd feel same as you in this scenario I would be annoyed!

Helloall1 · 24/09/2015 18:59

This is why I only chose one bridesmaid in the end, it was hassle free and we worked together.

When a big group of other girlfriends got involved in planning the hen, it was too much and I cancelled it in the end, I like minimal fuss.

I completely understand how you must feel. Perhaps organise a day with the other bridesmaids, meet somewhere half way between your localities and plan on who does what so people feel involved and appreciated but understand you gave been chosen as maid/chief and so should have most responsibility and overall decisions. Allocating specific mini jobs to people shoukd help?

Can you possibly speak with the bride and say you feel a little left out due to not being right next to her, she may have no idea as so busy with other things.

Good luck. I hope everyone has a wonderful day.

P's, it reminds me a little bit of the comedy film; Bridesmaids Wink

Excited101 · 24/09/2015 19:37

It is JUST like that film, I knew that's what it would be like as soon as I found out who the bridesmaids were... She is literally the polished 'perfect' one and then there's me. I faff, I forget, I'm disorganised, I'm messy and I don't shower every day but you know what? I get stuff done in the end, I'm creative, I work hard and I do my bit. I care SO much about the bride having an awesome time.

Thanks for the support everyone, I know I've been no angel in all this but I'm trying my best, and without wanting to sound like a bitch- I'm the maid of honour! If anyone can be a bit of a pain, it's kind of me! I don't feel like it's this girl's place to be such a PITA, at all.

I've told the bride about most of it, in my defence I had had enough, and this was a few months ago. It really helped to get her viewpoint on it, and with her knowing all of us involved, it helped to get some perspective too. I'm the first to admit that I can come across a bit abrupt but I own up to it, I apologise and I try to do better.

There's no time to meet up before the weekend unfortunately but we do plan on having a Skype meet up in a few weeks time... After today I'm dreading it even more. She all sweetness and light then behind it all she's a controlling nightmare.

My instinct is to apologise (again) for being 'short' but I don't want to! Why should I?! I don't want her to think she's right!

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