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Original poster

Wedding without my mum......

12 replies

Janeymoo50 · 08/08/2015 22:14

my mum died.....almost two years now. I still miss her so much, it makes me ache physically and my heart breaks that she will never know I found "the one" (finally). I want to "include" her in my wedding.....how can I do that? I have done a list for the wedding disco and added Sweet Caroline as the last song.....mainly cos I have this wonderful memory of her when she was in hospital very poorly and they came round and said (for the hospital radio)...give us a song you love. My mum said Johnny Cash...they didn't have it (?).... But did Neil Diamond instead and she and the other 3 ladies (all old) apparently waved their arms and sang along. What else can I do...without being too....morbid?

OP posts:
purplemurple1 · 08/08/2015 22:20

Did she have any favorite flowers or colours you could include?
Or could you have a reading of a poem.she loved?

cathpip · 08/08/2015 22:21

A lovely idea I saw was a table with the obligatory box for cash donations but with it were photos of the bride and grooms parents and grandparents on their wedding day, it attracted a lot of attention and was lovely to see how older generations looked on their special day.

caravanista13 · 08/08/2015 22:23

My son and daughter in law had a table with photos and sentimental objects to represent absent family. It was very moving.

ImperialBlether · 08/08/2015 22:24

I'm so sorry you lost your mum.

Flowers

Your mum knew you well; she would know you'd meet someone who'd love and care for you. She'd know the time hadn't been right for you up till then but that it would come soon. She would have had great faith in that.

Is there somewhere you could leave your bouquet in her memory?

Would it be too upsetting if someone made a toast to her at the wedding?

I hope you have a lovely day and a really happy married life together.

cuntyMcCunterson · 08/08/2015 22:26

Sorry for your loss Flowers
You can get lovely bouquet charms which hold a picture and can be discreetly or obviously tied into the bouquet.

www.etsy.com/uk/browse/weddings/bridal-accessories/bouquets/bouquet-charms
I had one containing a picture of my gran who had died a year before my wedding, I liked that it was a subtle but that she was with me on my wedding day.

MelodyAngel · 08/08/2015 22:32

If there is a rose or other flower with her name maybe include it in your bouquet.
I went to the shops a few weeks before my wedding day and imagined what my mum would have chosen to wear, it was a grey little dress from Monsoon, perfect for her.
Try and chose a time to have a little think about her every now and then in the day. I found acknowledging her in my thoughts helped me not be too overwhelmed.
I hope you have a wonderful day.

Catnuzzle · 08/08/2015 22:33

I toasted absent friends, with the obvious reference being my Dad, and I laid my bouquet on his grave.
We also had family pets as the table names which included his dog.
It needs to be what feels right for you. As little or as much reference as you are happy with.
He never knew I found my 'one' either but for various reasons I believe he knows -and is happy for us-.
It will be a very emotional day. Good luck and enjoy. Flowers

Original poster
Janeymoo50 · 08/08/2015 22:46

Imperial leather.......what a lovely reply, thank you. I just miss her. Wish she knew blah blah..... I am thinking of a photo, next to the wedding cake.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 08/08/2015 23:49

That would be lovely. I'm sure it'll be an emotional time for you but be prepared for it and you'll be fine. Decide in advance how much you'll drink and stick to it, otherwise you could find yourself getting upset later on.

My daughter has a boyfriend who's less than what you'd want, if you see what I mean, and I have all faith that one day she'll meet someone really lovely who'll care for her and bring out the best in her. When you've known someone all their life and know all their qualities, you know someone will come along, maybe slower than you'd want, who is just the right person for them. Your man has arrived - yay!!

ftmsoon · 31/08/2015 18:23

My grandpa died many years before my wedding, but I wanted to include him on the day so I had a piece of gorse in my bouquet. My DM and me were the only ones who knew, but it felt very special.

IamChipmunk · 09/10/2015 13:21

A bit different but at our recent wedding my dad was missing and dp's mum.(we don't do well for family between us!)

We had a poem about missing loved ones in a fancy frame and had two candles lit for the duration.
I wore mil ring on the day that sil gave me and dp got me a bracelet charm as a gift that was like a locket with a pic of me and df in it, I tied this into my bouquet.
Dp also mentioned them both in his speech and we toasted them.

Sorry for your loss Flowers

OhPuddleducks · 09/10/2015 13:24

I went to a wedding where they had a table next to the seating plan with framed pictures of their grandparents and a few close family friends who had passed away with a framed note saying "the people we wish were here". I thought that was lovely.

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