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Original poster

Has anyone invited themselves to your wedding?

52 replies

Tsmummy08 · 29/07/2015 11:08

And if so, what did you do about it?!

DP and I are getting married next year... It's going to be a casual camping weekend affair, family and close friends, bit of a festival vibe etc etc

I've had two friends assume they are invited and talk to me as if they are already coming (we haven't organised anything, let alone sent invites), one of the couples live in America and have talked about changing their plans so that they'll be here on holiday when our wedding is taking place - I hadn't planned to invite them and am not sure what to do now. My relationship with the US couple used to be close but since I moved back to the UK it has dwindled.... The other couple are neighbours so would feel awkward about not inviting them (or rather dispelling their assumptions)!

I'm crap at confrontation - any ideas/similar experiences?

OP posts:

Petridish · 07/08/2015 11:09

Old school friend with whom I had not been in touch for years suddenly rang me up out of the blue.

Came to visit me and asked me if I was going to invite her to my upcoming wedding.

I felt I had to ask her.

She turned up with two uninvited guests. They all got extremely drunk and, when they left, stole some unopened bottles of wine

Never saw her or her freeloading chums again.

Reekypear · 07/08/2015 11:15

Yes, six people gatecrashed my wedding, four of whom i have never met and never seen since, nearly 20 years ago.

They also took button holes that were meant for family. Buggers.

Zebrasinpyjamas · 07/08/2015 11:24

Our best man invited his parents who we knew but didn't plan to invite. We
Let them come though.

OP in your situation unless it will stop other important people coming I would invite the friends from America. I loved catching up with old school friends at my wedding and it made me realise how even though we live a long way apart and don't see each other often, there is a reason we were friends for so long.. It was lovely.

Don't stress about it though. If you don't want to see invite certain people, just don't do it. If people mention it just repeat a rehearsed mantra " yes we can't fit everyone in that we would like. You know how expensive weddings are. It's a shame" etc then change the subject!

Epilepsyhelp · 07/08/2015 12:16

We have had several of these!! In hindsight I would just not mention it to people who aren't being invited.

We had several - 'ooh what's the date I'll put it in my diary' and a couple of invites come back with X and partner would be delighted etc when only X had been on the invite!

Luckily our numbers were fairly flexible so we have just absorbed the extras but it's such odd behaviour!

yogababymum · 07/08/2015 21:38

Yep, my boss. I had invited all of my small office to the party. My boss took the day of work & came to the whole wedding... With her Mum & Sister!! I was outside the church when I noticed her, she was late & I was about to walk down the isle. They all walked down behind me I had to add a few more dinners on at the hotel, no biggie! But it's rather funny because we are Wedding Planners for a large hotel!!!!

Floggingmolly · 07/08/2015 22:01

She walked down the aisle behind you? With her mum... Unbelievable how some people lack any shred of self awareness.

Alanna1 · 07/08/2015 22:04

Yes. A very good friend wanted me to invite her (she thought) longterm boyf. He came. It didn't last.

Superexcited · 07/08/2015 22:08

Yes we had gate rashers. We had several people turn up at the church who were only invited to the evening do (but they went home after the ceremony and returned for the evening do) and we had about a dozen gate crashers at the evening do (relatives of actually invited people). It isn't that uncommon in my culture though do I didn't get wound up about it.

yogababymum · 07/08/2015 22:13

Lol yes Flogg, directly behind my Bridesmaids! It's on the video. They sat somewhere on the middle. I didn't realise on the day so I didn't worry about it.

PatriciaHolm · 07/08/2015 22:16

We had a friend, invited on his own as he was single, rsvp for him and a woman we knew slightly who he was keen to get together with. We said nothing, she came, nothing happened between them!

Original poster

Tsmummy08 · 12/08/2015 11:47

Wow, just wow! I find it hard to believe some of these stories, why do some people feel so entitled, I wonder...

Zebras - thanks for the advice, valid points :)

OP posts:

Becauseicannes · 16/08/2015 06:59

yes, I had a destination wedding and had a couple who weren't invited booked their flights to
Come over and join in. we laughed it off, it still amuses us.

WiIdfire · 16/08/2015 07:38

Does it really count as crashing to come to the ceremony though? What with them being open to the public? Saying that, I would have loved to have sat in the ceremony of a friend's wedding when I had an evening invite only. I wasn't fussed about the meal (thats the expensive bit, surely?) and would have gone to the local pub until evening, but couldnt work out how to ask her without leading to one of those awkward situations. The church might have been at full capacity, or she might have wanted family only, so I didn't do anything in the end.

vpillow · 16/08/2015 07:57

Church weddings are open to the public - not sure about civil ceremonies. I always believed it was for that part where the vicar asks if anyone knows of any lawful reason why the couple shouldn't be joined in matrimony.

smokedgarlic · 16/08/2015 08:13

My cousin has never bothered with me . I still invited her to my wedding half hoping she would decline . Cousin announced she was engaged to someone I had never met and she had only been dating briefly a few months after the invites were sent out . I didn't send an additional invite to him so she said she was no longer coming . On the day of the wedding however they both turned up unexpectedly and sat at one of the tables waiting for their food . I arranged for them to get a meal without comment and I was friendly and polite to them. To be honest felt quite impressed by how blase they were .

ZenNudist · 16/08/2015 08:46

I got married abroad. A friend invited herself and I didn't say no because if she was willing to get a holiday abroad to see my wedding I figured she must think of us as good friends.

2 lots of cousins said they'd make a holiday of it (2 x family of. 4 plus potential opening of floodgates to have their siblings and girl friends and families) it looked like it could add over £1.5k to the cost so we discouraged it. I regret it now as they are family and it would have been lovely to have them. We just really didn't want a big wedding.

At the last minute 6 random distant family members of dh trilled "oh we are on holiday there then, we will come to the wedding". They said this to MIL and she didn't set them right. She said she'd pay for them, it was £600, she didn't pay, but it was lovely to have them. I've just seen the 2 kids again after 6 years- that's how close they are!

Finally 2 of dh's work friends asked to come to the ceremony as they happened to be on holiday then. We included them in the wedding party as we didn't want any second class guests.

I understand you can't invite all comers and it's really difficult to draw a line. I think you need to realise that if you don't have a very small wedding then everyone else you exclude is being sent a sign you don't consider their friendship that important and it does seem to be a consistent theme that you lose touch with people partly because of the wedding snub but also because the friendship wasn't meant to last.

Zeitgeistic · 16/08/2015 08:59

Superexited that's not really crashing though is it? They wanted to see the ceremony, did so and then politely went home until the evening do. I think that's really quite sweet personally.

PingpongDingDong · 16/09/2015 15:18

Yes just the other day someone I hardly know but who often goes to the place we're getting married said "I should hope I'm invited"! I was really taken aback but managed to reply "sorry, it's a very small event just close family and one friend each". She was fine about it.

We really want a small wedding but I have found it hard. I've actually told very few people about it because I feel uncomfortable going on about it to people who aren't invited. When I have mentioned it I've been at pains to emphasise that the guest list is very small.

TessDurbeyfield · 16/09/2015 15:36

We had several people turn up at the church who were only invited to the evening do

That's not actually gatecrashing though is it because the ceremony has to be open to the public by law.

FWIW we had at least 30 people at our ceremony who weren't 'invited', mainly people who I had known all of my life like parents' friends, old nursery teacher, primary teacher etc. I thought it was lovely. Also everyone who was invited for the evening came to the ceremony. These were mainly siblings of my friends who I'd grown up with etc and I did exactly the same for their weddings. In fact it would have been considered very rude not to go to the ceremony and then to come in the evening - as if you wanted the party but couldn't be bothered with the important bit. Is that odd?

OurBlanche · 16/09/2015 16:02

I think I might have a good chance of winning this one

Poisonous SIL had been making nasty comments about our small scale wedding, small venue, small guest list, small budget. She banged on mentioned it a few times when we were out with friends, who weren't invited as we weren't having an evening do.

We got the invitations printed, I was checking them before giving them to my mum and SILs mum asked if she there was one spare, she'd put it in her family album.

They were so quick with their RSVP mum hadn't sent out the real invitations. They bloody well came too. I had disliked the woman proir to that. I hated her when I realised she was shoe horning herself into both sets of official pictures - though she couldn't have known we had warned the photographer and they only appear in one picture

And yes, she is the woman who, when BIL/SIL were arranging their wedding, introduced my DH to the priest as "the brother she should be marrying".

Now... remind me why we went NC

ImperialBlether · 16/09/2015 16:08

OurBlanche, sorry, couldn't follow that - did your SIL give that invitation to a friend?

CatThiefKeith · 16/09/2015 16:18

Dh and I renewed our vows abroad (first wedding was such a disaster we don't even count it).

All inclusive resort, with 20 friends and family. His aunt and uncle declined the invite, then appeared on the day from a different cheaper hotel. As a 'suprise' apparently. Bloody nasty shock more like, neither of us can stand them.

They snuck past security and got the best man (her brother) to sneak them free booze all afternoon, ate all the canapes (I didn't get any because they were gone by the time the photos were finished) and then pissed off back to their hotel to watch the cabaret.

Oh, and sat themselves in the front row for the ceremony, on the bridesmaids seats!

OurBlanche · 16/09/2015 16:18

Sorry, no, her mother and father were the gatecrashers. That is SIL, no blood relation to me or DH, BILs then girlfriends parents!!

ImperialBlether · 16/09/2015 16:22

Ohhhh sorry, thought SIL meant your husband's sister! Cheeky thing!

OurBlanche · 16/09/2015 16:27

Yes, the brother she should have married (my DH) has often wanted to say something, but we never seemed to find an appropriate way to start that conversation.

I think weddings bring out something odd in some people. A need to be seen, to be important enough to be invited to the opening of an envelope. I wonder if it is because of this that the Bridezilla came about? A sort of "It will be mine, all mine" attitude in self defence

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