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Original poster

Has anyone invited themselves to your wedding?

52 replies

Tsmummy08 · 29/07/2015 11:08

And if so, what did you do about it?!

DP and I are getting married next year... It's going to be a casual camping weekend affair, family and close friends, bit of a festival vibe etc etc

I've had two friends assume they are invited and talk to me as if they are already coming (we haven't organised anything, let alone sent invites), one of the couples live in America and have talked about changing their plans so that they'll be here on holiday when our wedding is taking place - I hadn't planned to invite them and am not sure what to do now. My relationship with the US couple used to be close but since I moved back to the UK it has dwindled.... The other couple are neighbours so would feel awkward about not inviting them (or rather dispelling their assumptions)!

I'm crap at confrontation - any ideas/similar experiences?

OP posts:
WhyIRayLiotta · 29/07/2015 11:24

I had similar with a work colleague. I did mention a lot, about how tight for space the venue was, how I couldn't invite cousins etc. but she was oblivious, and tbh, I think she think we're better friends than I think iycwim.

Anyway. I couldn't do it. So I invited her!

It was just going to be horribly awkward, I'd have had to explain that other colleagues (2 very close friends out of work!) would be going but not her etc. so I bottled it.

Don't think auntie Doris was pleased she didn't get to go. Blush

ArmfulOfRoses · 29/07/2015 12:48

Sort of.
A family member did a round robin email to dh and pil saying that they thought aunt and uncle should be invited to ceremony and lunch when dh and I wanted parents and siblings only.
Said it was rude, they would pay.
Dh declined their offer.

Aunt and uncle weren't invited to their wedding Angry Grin

Szeli · 29/07/2015 18:07

I had gatecrashers! And guests who stood by the gatecrasher Angry

Sadly, we lost some friends that day - for the best I feel now tho

Shockers · 29/07/2015 18:19

DH's ex fiancée made such a fuss about not being invited when all of her friends were, that in the end I asked her to come. There's a lovely close up of her on our wedding video...

AliceAlice1979 · 29/07/2015 18:21

I had two friends from ages ago who got all excited when I got engaged. They told me they couldnt wait to come to the wedding blah blah. I wasn't planning to invite them. I think my face gave it away, they backed down slightly during the conversation about how excited they'd be to join us and did say at the end 'well if we are invited ha ha ha'.
Anyhow we had a big evening party desperate to the wedding breakfast to which I invited them. They haven't spoken to me since the wedding.

inmyheadimthequeen · 29/07/2015 18:36

At my first (!) wedding, we were only having a very small do, immediate family, with a big party afterwards. My (bloody idiot) then-fiance sent the wrong invitation to his cousin & her family so they thought they were coming to the ceremony/day thing. It was his mistake, so I made him ring and say there had been a misunderstanding and we would love them to be at the evening do (didn't really care tbh, I'd only met them once) but that the ceremony itself was just for parents, siblings etc. Cousin was not happy - had a real ago about how inappropriate we had been and said that if they weren't invited for the whole thing, they wouldn't be coming at all. Fair enough, I said. They never spoke to us again! I divorced him a couple of years later so they might have made up now Grin. Don't think this helps, does it?! It's awkward but I think its better tackled head on now and don't let it go too far - one difficult conversation is better than months of angst.

Branleuse · 29/07/2015 19:24

yeah I had a friend who insisted on coming. she was the only non family there. I let it go. It wasn't a big deal

Original poster
Tsmummy08 · 30/07/2015 09:20

Thanks all - it just amazes me how het-up people can get about weddings!!

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 30/07/2015 09:27

I don't think your situation is quite the same thing, inmyhead... Rescinding an invitation that was sent "by mistake" is awful Hmm

inmyheadimthequeen · 30/07/2015 19:19

Oh dear, I never really thought it was that bad tbh Blush. My thinking was that if we had 'honoured' the invitation to those cousins, that would be offensive to all the other cousins/friends etc who were coming only to the evening do.

NotMyChashkaChai · 30/07/2015 19:30

we agreed on a policy that we would invite friends partners who we either (a) knew the partner well ourselves (or at least one of us did) and considered friends or b) if they were either married or in a long standing relationship (regardless of whether we knew the partner well or even at all!) we weren't having a split day/evening do - all our guests came both to the ceremony, meal and speeches. We sent the invitations out and we had two people actually ask us if they could bring their new partner who they were dating and who we didn't know! I was speechless that people actually had the cheek to ask us. We did end up saying yes and footing the bill for these people but even 7 years on I still think it was bloody cheeky of them!

ThomasRichard · 30/07/2015 19:40

I invited myself to a wedding once Blush In fairness, I was quite young, didn't have a clue about how stressful planning a wedding can be and I just asked if I could come to the ceremony (church, big wedding). The groom told me nicely that there wasn't room for everyone they wanted to invite, sorry, and that was that.

flowery · 30/07/2015 19:46

My MIL took it upon herself to invite some of her mates, and we also had gatecrashers to the evening do - people I assume were staying at the hotel.

MrsBarlow · 06/08/2015 22:56

An old school friend of mine invited themselves to our wedding - then didn't bother turning up!!

LauraChant · 06/08/2015 23:00

I invited someone and they replied on behalf of themselves and their ex girlfriend which I found odd. They had split up some time ago and were not back together then or since. We invited people's partners, but hadn't thought to extend the invite to exes...

MintChocAddict · 06/08/2015 23:06

Yes, one of my bridesmaids invited herself to be a bridesmaid...then sneaked in her not invited dodgy very new boyfriend. Do I win? Grin

Szeli · 07/08/2015 10:30

I'm still sure the ex fling gatecrashing to cause trouble wins. Still dealing with the fall out over the people who thought he should have been invited in the first place... no my dh didn't glass him, yes he assulted me, yes we both think that's a valid reason not to have invited him to our wedding... Angry

chelle792 · 07/08/2015 10:37

Ahh my wedding is in Nov. So many friends have said "when's the date? I'll put it in my diary". How does a person even respond to that?!

LauraChant · 07/08/2015 10:41

I have twice had to ask people if I was to be invited to their wedding though, and it is really hard to word. They were both to be in the summer and I would have been booking summer holidays in Jan/ Feb but they weren't sending invites out until later. I obviously completely understood if I wasn't invited, but equally didn't want to book a holiday on the date if I was invited. That is why Save the Date is essential I think!

madamginger · 07/08/2015 10:44

My cousin did, we weren't inviting cousins as I'm from a massive Irish family but one cousin was my bridesmaid (and I was hers a year earlier) her sister moaned that she was only invited to the evening do and it wasn't fair and they'd traveled from Ireland to come and they'd be bored. I live in Manchester, there is bloody loads to do here.
We ended up relenting and she came all day with her two kids just to keep the peace, I wouldn't mind but when she got married 5 years earlier my dp went and spent the day exploring as we were only invited to her evening do for exactly the same reason!

Crosbybeach · 07/08/2015 10:46

I had a friend who I think was slightly overinvested as it's unlikely her partner and her are going to get married.

She practically made a list of people she thought I should invite, who were really more her friends than mine. They were people I like, and who I would have expected to see at her wedding, but not necessarily at mine.

I did end up inviting a couple of them as a slightly awkward conversation revealed that she had already told them they would be getting an invite.

She's lovely - and has form for this kind of thing so I should have allowed for it!

And one friend who'd split up from her partner the week before, who asked if she could still bring a plus one, so a complete random - who was brilliant fun and led the dance floor!

SomethingAboutNothing · 07/08/2015 10:48

One of DH's relatives RSVP'd to the invitation with their daughers name on, we just accepted it and weren't too bothered as children didn't cost much. I was slightly surprised to find her wearing a flower girl dress when I arrived to walk down the aisle though. Shock

Another member of DH's family asked if some family we hadn't met before could come, and they would pay for their attendance, we politely declined being that we didn't know them. I still feel a bit guilty about it though.

shushpenfold · 07/08/2015 10:49

My friend from school assumed that she'd be invited....I'd seen her about 3 times in 7 years since leaving school! I got so annoyed with the presumptions, snarkiness and probable extra expense that we had a joint hen/stag do (i.e. all friends) and then an immediate family only wedding. Best decision we've ever made!

CognitiveIllusion · 07/08/2015 10:55

A friend of DH's invited herself on my hen night. I hadn't planned to invite her but I did invite a couple of his friends that I had got to know well and she got one of them to ask me if she could come. I (politely) said no, and she asked again! In the end I caved. What can you do with someone like that?!

FernGullysWoollyPully · 07/08/2015 11:03

I had several at our wedding. At least 3 who bought uninvited children with them. Fortunately only to the evening but our wedding reception was in a marquee on an unlit estate with open water and we said no children because of that dangerous factor. We had enough of our own and family dc wandering round to watch others as well.

One bought his partner who we didn't even know existed. Introductions were awkward.

One rsvp'd that he was bringing his mum and dad as well, admittedly they do know my husband but we don't keep in regular contact with them.

One of my husband's pub acquaintances (we're not close at all, in fact dh finds him a bit irritating hence no invite) asked us to our faces in a pub full of people why he hadn't been invited and would it be OK if he came. We felt so pressured because of the scenario, everyone went toatlly silent and listened, we didn't know how to say no! (I consider that a self invitation too!)

And my godmother's daughter turned up at the church in all her finery, faffed around after the service hinting to go to the reception with everyone. Fair enough, I have known her all my life but we didn't invite her because she wasn't family or a godparent and we weren't invited to her wedding for the same reason. My mum took her to one side in the end.