Okay, so me and my fiancé have been engaged for just over a year now.
In that year we have had several ideas about our wedding and have discussed these with various family members inc my in laws and my mother (my father unfortunately died when I was young).
We are now in the financial position to start booking and paying for our wedding & after a year to ponder and discuss various ideas we have realised we probably don't fancy spending all that money on having our huge families there.
We have had so many requests and so much awkwardness from both sides and we have realised it's not what our wedding should be about.
We have decided what we would love is to go and get married alone, just us. We had a dd very soon in our relationship and would love nothing more than a special weekend, an intimate wedding and some time with just us.
I had talked to my mum about it and I get the impression she would like to be there but said it's our day and we should do exactly what we wish. She said she didn't want to sway my decision and it's totally fine with her.
However from previous discussions me and dp both know both my mil and fil will be devastated.
I worry that we may cause more drama than it's worth getting married alone, but it's really what we just want.
My mil planned her big wedding and uninvited both her mother and fils parents to their wedding because they told her she had to invite certain people. She had her big wedding day but selectively uninvited their parents because she didn't want them there.
Me and dp would never do this, if we get married alone it will be alone excluding EVERYONE not just our parents, I think it's actually very unkind what she chose to do to her in laws and her own mother, but she has voiced she expects an invite to ours because "she and her husband are better parents than hers were" ( this is VERY questionable).
My in laws havent been the nicest people to me and dp and have a habit of being very controlling and manipulative. This alone isn't enough to warrant us not having a "big wedding" but added to the fact it's not actually what we want to do it certainly is something we've added into the equation.
I am concerned that we may cause a lot of stress by going it alone for our wedding but it's what we want, we would still have a celebration meal with everyone but the Intimate wedding just sounds perfect to us.
Is this selfish? Are wedding a just as much about other people as the bride and groom?
I honestly don't know what to do.
They aren't contributing financially at all, however my mil has already suggested she makes the wedding cake , the favours , the centre pieces etc.
I find it all a bit much if I'm honest 