Is this crap?

[SofaSpud]

I've been planning my wedding periodically for the past 15 years. It always stresses me out so I give up.

I have a big family, only two siblings but lots of aunts, uncles, cousins. DP has one estranged brother and his elderly mum and not one single friend. This is usually the sticking point as DP gets embarrassed at the size of his 'side' - basically his mum.
We have three DDs between us, all young adults.

My latest plan which I really want to go through with this time is this;

My birthday is Dec, so in 2015, I'm going to have a 'party' at my house. Invite our kids + boyfriends, my Dsis+partner, my DB+partner+nephew , my mum and dad and his mum. So 14 guests.

When they arrive I'm going to do 'ha ha' its our wedding really, bus will be here in 30 mins and we're all going to the town hall. Gift of confetti and flowery brooch thing for everyone and off we pop. Minbus will decorate and charge 75 for single journey.

Our Town Hall is very beautiful and on the same road (2 min walk for elderly ma) is a lovely small real ale type bistro (gets 5 stars on TA) with 3 courses for 21 PP. they have a private dining room which seats 16 maximum (a sign?). This is a small chain which DSD works for so we'll also get 25% off!
we have meal, little speech, gifts for DDs,flowers for mums then thank everyone for coming. The end.

CONCERNS

Is the 'surprise' bit a bit naff? If I dont surprise I'll have opinions and stresses I CBA with. DD's will want extravagant outfits, mum will try to make it bigger and bigger, sis will want a big hen do. They'll all want to know what to get me and I dont want anything and so on and so forth.

DP would have to collect his DM who is 60 miles away. Is it ok if we send her home in a taxi? (costed at 80, we'll pay). She gets confused easily nowadays and this feels a bit mean. Is it?

As this is 'just' a party - I'm worried some might decline (after accepting - thinking DB's gfriend)

Will ladies feel a bit PO that they are underdressed for wedding. Particularly our mums who wont get to wear a hat! I will definitely be wearing a veil.

Anything else I havent even considered?

sorry for long post :)

[WestEast]

Ooh that sounds absolutely lovely! It's the wedding I wish I had had myself!

[TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle]

totally following this thread so I can see the "yay we did it!" update!!

I think its a brilliant idea. I think you're right yo discuss in advance with MIL.

and I agree that you should just do it asap.

congrats

[Cockadoodledooo]

Donkeys years ago, my auntie and her then bf arranged to take both sets of parents out for lunch. They did that, but had left out the tiny detail of them going to the register office first

Your plan sounds great - are you going to let dh-to-be in on it first or will it be a surprise to him too?!

[Pixa]

Fabulous idea OP. Many best wishes!

[SofaSpud]

So I've spoken with the RO and they have dp's birthday in January free (Saturday) and I've spoken to dp who is all for it so we are going to give notice this week. However, he's also put a bit of a spanner in the works.
He wants to invite his eldest dd, her partner and his two GC. Three dd's I mentioned previously live with us but this one is slightly estranged (mainly due to her being an utter head case). I should really have considered this. He also wants to invite his brother and wife which also solves mil problem as they'll all travel together. So 21 guests now.
This means I can't do the 16 seat mini bus,16 seat dining room and the surprise element doesn't really work now. .

Any ideas? I've got to dash now. . Back soon x

[FaithLoveandGrace]

Sofa that's fab they've got the date in January free

How strongly does DP feel about those extra people being there? Could just keep it simple and stick with the 14 you'd originally planned? Presumably you'd discussed it before and agreed the whole 16 working with your plans so I can't see why he now wants to change it.

[FaithLoveandGrace]

Also why would the surprise element no longer work if you did invite the extras? Could you not just tell them the same as you'd tell the others?

[mymummademelistentoshitmusic]

That sounds perfect for your situation. And I think if they're dressed for a party it'll be ok for your wedding. It's not a hat and morning suit occasion, it all seems fine. Agree with pp, do it this year. Enjoy it.

[SofaSpud]

Hi everyone
DP had one too many on Saturday and told our kids the plan so no surprise now. I'm going to send simple invites to close family only.

Good news is I've called and booked the day this morning and have made plans with the reception venue who do have availability and was much cheaper than I imagined.
Not quite what I had planned but we're going ahead and that's the main thing. And thank you because I don't think I'd have got this far without your persuasion s

I'm going to surprise my side with invites when we exchange Xmas gifts.
X

[FaithLoveandGrace]

Congratulations on booking!! It's a shame DP spilled but I'm sure you'll all have a lovely day even without the surprise :)

[SofaSpud]

I know I could have throttled him. He was very sorry said he was just so excited. .

[LaurieFairyCake]

It sounds lovely for you to carry

[KristinaM]

Wonderful news . And have you got a dress ??

[KristinaM]

Because, as everyone knows, the most important thing is not that you are making a solemn commitment of your love for each other in front of your loved ones. It's your frock

You will have to go over to style and Beauty to get advice from the real experts there

[SofaSpud]

I want something like this but can only find online and trying on is a must cos I'm only little...what do you think?

[FaithLoveandGrace]

Wow that's really lovely sofa! Hope you manage to find one you can try on.

[MonstrousRatbag]

It all sounds lovely. Now is the time you have to be strong and say to people no hen do, no mithering you about wanting this or that, they have to sort out their own outfits etc etc. Be breezy but ruthless so you don't get stressed or overwhelmed.

[KristinaM]

If you are small you must try on because soemtimes the proportions aren't right

Are you still planning on a veil ?

[SofaSpud]

I'm getting married in 13 days!

[SofaSpud]

Just saying..sorry I'm just freaking out!

[2LittleFishes]

How exciting

How did everyone take to receiving invites with their gifts??

[perplexedpirate]

Sounds amazing! Wish I'd done it.
Congratulations and good luck.

[WowserBowser]

How exciting! sounds a great wedding.

Have you managed to keep it from everyone apart from DDs?

[cathpip]

Friends of ours recently had their little boy christened, after the christening service the vicar then announced that the parents were killing two birds with one stone so to speak and they were getting married as well. Fabulous day!

[SofaSpud]

No we haven't managed to keep secret but did give invites with gifts/cards. Everyones chuffed, everything's booked (I think).
Cathpip- how lovely