Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Is it rude to ask for Money as a gift?......

63 replies

ChitterChat · 21/10/2014 13:47

Me and my Fiance will be getting married next year, and we would really like to buy our first house together but between the wedding and other things we haven't been able to save much for a deposit. From this we were thinking that asking our guests to give us money as a gift so we could put this to our savings which will help us along in being able to buy a house together. Is it just me though that thinks asking for money as a gift is quite rude... or is this generally the norm? Thoughts please :)

OP posts:

firesidechat · 21/10/2014 16:37

I want to know what the couple need. If that is money then fair enough. I like to think that most of the weddings I go to are people who I want to help start their married life together and no one turns up empty handed to a wedding, do they?

Blue2014 · 21/10/2014 16:38

I think it's really normal - I know loads of people who have done it (you can find poems online to word it right)

It's also the norm in certain cultures to get money instead of gifts so I don't think it's rude at all (from my point of view, I don't really have time to trek around to buy presents but I can easily stick £20 in a card)

Original poster

ChitterChat · 21/10/2014 16:58

Although we are paying 90 a head for our day guests thats our choice we went for the top package because we want to thank everyone for joining in on our special day and know that attending weddings isnt cheap for everyone so have covered their meal and drinks for the day as a thank you. We wouldnt want to get married without everyone we love being there so that is why we have spent the money we have on everyone and again, this is our choice and wouldnt expect the money back from our guests as it is a privelidge to have them there on the day. I just thought that with the expense of guests attending a wedding they would prefer to know what the bride groom would like as a gift as opposed to buying something that would go to waste. And no, we arent expecting gifts but as you know, everyone will bring something anyway.

OP posts:

SweetsForMySweet · 21/10/2014 17:40

The fact is: The bride and groom want cash gifts only. They don't want vouchers/bottles of wine/other unwanted gifts. I gave my pov, I'm not going to spend any more time trying to reason with people about why I don't think it is unreasonable to give or prefer to receive a cash gift. It would seem that a lot of brides and grooms prefer cash gifts, hence all the threads about poems being included in invitations on mn.

Op good luck with your wedding. I hope you have a lovely day and come up with a suitable solution. Fwiw, I don't think poems are the right way to go (unless you want to read a thread about your invitation and poem on mn after some disgruntled guest receives it in the mail and wants to moan about it on a public forum). The only solution I can think of is if people ask, tell them that cash would be appreciated. It really depends on who your guest are, some won't mind, some will.

firesidechat · 21/10/2014 19:46

Sweet I'm on your side about giving cash if that's what the couple want/need. I just don't associate it with the cost of the meal.

By coincidence we received a lovely invitation to our nephews wedding today and no mention of presents or cash at all. MN would be proud. However I now need to find out what they do want.

natureplantar101 · 27/10/2014 12:43

im asking for cash gifts only its better than having the worlds largest collection of kitchen appliances or you could have a gift registry for stuff you really want

nethunsreject · 27/10/2014 12:47

I think it is spectacularly rude.
I don't even like wedding lists but at least they seem more of a suggestion and offer a wide scope for guests.

nethunsreject · 27/10/2014 12:48

I've genuinely declined invites when a request for cash is made.

TheWeddingGiftShop · 10/02/2015 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Upatree · 10/02/2015 20:45

I've never had a problem with receiving requests for cash in invites, in fact the vast majority of my friends have done it this way and we've gladly given what we can afford (as opposed to more, with the worry that we might appear "stingy"). Before I joined Mumsnet, I had no idea that some other people thought it was rude to ask for cash.

I'm getting married this autumn and like the OP, would prefer to receive nothing at all, rather than household items. Having bought my own place 10 years ago, I already have all the "stuff" I could possibly ever need, let alone fit in my small terrace. We intend to say that if guests do wish to give us a gift, a contribution towards our honeymoon would be appreciated. I'd be gobsmacked if any of them were offended by this and I seriously doubt any of our friends would be offended by our request - I like to think we're all pretty much on the same wavelength, that's why we're friends!

AddToBasket · 10/02/2015 20:50

Asking for cash is seriously tacky. Even if people ask you what you want. Just don't do it. Nafforama.

Upatree · 10/02/2015 21:51

Sorry, completely disagree AddTo Basket - nothing naff or tacky about it at all IMO. I think passing judgment on people who choose to do this is far ruder than those who are honest that they would prefer cash as a gift rather than something else.

I would hate to think that my money had gone to waste on a gift that a couple don't want / need, rather than giving the same amount in cash which I know they would put to good use.

Upatree · 10/02/2015 21:52

I would hate to think that my money had gone to waste on a gift that a couple don't want / need, rather than giving the same amount in cash which I know they would put to good use.

Flip

1 2 3