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Rhetorical question but do people who get married after living together really not need stuff?

11 replies

Picturesinthefirelight · 19/10/2014 20:29

Dh & I have been married for almost 15 years & lived together for 5 years before that.

But if we were to get re-married tomorrow there are tons and tons of things we need. I can't understand the "we don't need anything but give cash poems"

Just off the top of my head a wedding list would consist of

New towels (always useful & don't last forever (though our Christy ones lasted 10 years
Saucepans
Bedding
Bath mats (they go worn fairly quickly)
Glasses (they get broken)
Crockery
Loads if kitchen items I'd like but have never been able to buy.

For what it's worth we didn't send anything with our invited but waited to be asked before we sent a Debenhams & Argos list link.

OP posts:
CaptainAnkles · 19/10/2014 20:33

Every couple us different I guess. Some may be delighted to get a new toaster, others might have everything they need already and prefer money/vouchers/nothing. The ones that do have ideas of stuff they'd like are the ones who have a wedding list I suppose.
Then you get people who are very pleased to get gifts, money or vouchers because they're just generally polite Grin

CMOTDibbler · 19/10/2014 20:40

We've been married 17 years, lived together before that, and had lived independantly for 4 years before that.

We are still using the dinner service, cutlery (lovely heavy stuff), crystal glasses, saucepans (stellar) and tablemats that we were given as wedding presents. We had plates, glasses etc before, but they were cheapo things and it was lovely to have these nice ones and I still think about people buying them for us

SockQueen · 21/10/2014 00:30

We had been living together, but in a semi-furnished flat, for 2 years before getting married. We had all the basics, but a lot of our crockery, cutlery etc was mismatched remnants from our student days. We got some really nice bits and pieces as wedding presents, some of which we use every day and some is kept for "best." It included:

Towels
Nice bedlinen
A proper cutlery set
Nice wine/whisky glasses
A luggage set
Some vases
A wicker picnic hamper
Le Creuset saucepan set, casserole dishes, baking tray and ramekins (from several different people!)

All much appreciated!

grumblepuss · 21/10/2014 11:30

When we're in John Lewis we wander through the home dept and have a fantasy wedding list.
It's more of an upgrade list than anything else.
But... Now we're actually engaged its 10 years since we moved in together. We've upgraded most things once, Denby crockery rather than ikea, saucepans which didn't go to university etc.
There are nice things which I'd like, but the list is getting shorter and you tend to just buy stuff without giving it as much thought - maybe we should stop until after the wedding.
I quite like honeymoon lists, £20 cocktails on the beach, £30 breakfast, £50 dinner etc.

kaykayred · 08/01/2015 16:01

Surely you aren't super imposing your own experiences onto every single other couple out there?

We live together, and yeah, there are a huge number of things that would be amazing to have. But we live in a tiny one bedroom apartment with close to zero storage.

I would love to have a dinner service set. But would have literally nowhere to put it, unless I threw out all my other plates and just used the dinner service every day.

To note: we can fit exactly 11 plates and 4 bowls in our kitchen cupboard, along with a number of glasses (bog standard glass tumblers) and 12 mugs (that we can't fit in the cupboard all at once anyway).

Some lovely wine glasses would be amazing, but again, we have no place for them yet.

But we are planning on moving into a bigger apartment in the near future, and it would be nice to be able to buy those things then. It's a bit presumptuous to assume everyone is in the same circumstances as you.

Likewise, maybe the couple involved are happy to make do with their shit crockery, but would really like to be able to have a nice holiday for once.

When you give someone a gift, it should be with the other person in mind, not what you yourself want or would consider appropriate.

I do agree though that there are very tacky and inappropriate ways of asking for things, whether that be physical gifts or cheques or anything else. Cheesy poems definitely fall into that category in my eyes.

ethelb · 11/01/2015 22:19

We have been living together for 5 years and bought argos basics stuff that is now broken. Knives, toaster, kettle, cutlery and basic pan set are all on their last legs.

All our sheets and towels are from uni and over 19 years old and have holes in them.

The coffee machine leaks.

We will be replacing those things using our wedding list. It will be much appreciated if we get them.

Jackieharris · 24/02/2015 15:06

I know what you mean.

We've been together years and have a lot of stuff old junk.

If we did ever get married (highly unlikely) I would be tempted to ask for money for a holiday instead as we've never been abroad together and that would mean a lot to us.

But yes there is still more stuff that could be welcome as gifts even though our house is ridiculously cluttered as it is.

I'd like nice, matching, fluffy new pref John Lewis towels esp huge bath ones.
We could do with some nice lamps and a couple of nice vases.
A few pictures for the walls would make them less bare.
Maybe a rug or two.
We definitely need curtains but that's not really something you'd put on a wedding list is it?
A spice rack.
Always need wine glasses!
Those wee tapas dishes would be nice.

Lol I'll end up creating a whole list here!

SteveBrucesNose · 24/02/2015 15:13

We didn't do a crappy poem or announce our intention, but both sets of parents knew that we would prefer cash as we didn't need 'stuff' so they said that to anyone who asked them.

We used the cash to do some awesome things on our honeymoon that we couldn't have justified otherwise (trips, experiences etc), and some to buy a few things we wanted - things that would have been above people would give individually so would never have asked for as presents.

Looking back, whilst there's one thing we look at every day (it's artwork), in a way I do wish we had more 'stuff' as wedding presents. We have this one thing to hand down to children as our wedding gifts and that makes me quite sad. Even if that handmedown stuff was a cutlery set

ThatBloodyWoman · 24/02/2015 15:17

We lived together for 2 years before marrying,and still didn't have a hoover.

Bonsoir · 24/02/2015 15:18

I'd love a wedding list right now - feel like changing all my cutlery/crockery/household linens!

FamiliesShareGerms · 24/02/2015 15:19

We lived together first and merged our student tat. It was nice to get a decent toaster when we got married Smile

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