Can I get away with small(ish) ceremony and restaurant meal and then a big party?

[PixieofCatan]

DP and I have 35 family members to invite between us so we're thinking just a registry office type thing, off for a meal at a restaurant for lunch and then just having a big party from about 3pm with buffet for everybody.

However, we will have a few old friends coming from 2/3hrs away, would it be rude to expect them to come just for the party? We'd be happy organising something the next day as well like a picnic on the beach or something, it's just that the venues we're looking at hold 40 at most, some of them less, and we're not keen on other venues really, just want a small room affair for the ceremony itself!

I think it sounds fine, and a lovely day. I don't think it's U to invite people for something starting at 3pm if they live a few hours away. If for whatever reason they don't want to, they don't have to accept (assuming you're a normal person and aren't going to get pissy with them in that case!)

Have the wedding as you want it, and have fun!

No, we won't get pissy :) We'd love it if they could come and would make any arrangements to make sure they could (arranging nannies at the reception if they can't get childcare at home, etc), but would totally understand if they couldn't.

I think the ceremony/meal will be a bit rubbish tbh, we've whittled that list down to parents, siblings and grandparents, but we don't even see DPs father's 3 kids or wife, yet can't see a way to not invite them without cutting contact with him even if DP is on the verge of it. My 2 sisters are just bitches a lot of the time and my mother is horribly embarrassing in a loud and unable to eat in a civilised manner kind of way. I'll be needing a few drinks to get through the meal alone

I want to elope and then have a big party when we get home. DP doesn't. This seems to be our compromise!

We had 20 at our ceremony and meal, then about 70 at an evening do, which I think we started at 6.30. The evening guest did include a few who were coming from abou 2 1/2 hours away and had to pay for accommodation. As far as I know no-one minded, and it was lovely. Much more relaxed than most weddings. We had it all on one hotel, as they had smaller rooms we could use for ceremony and meal, then larger function suite for evening. A couple of people didn't come, which I understood, but most did.

We put a bit more focus on evening than would have if most had been to day as well, eg spent a bit more for extra bits in buffet, glass if bubbly on arrival, brief thank you for coming speeches and also left cutting cake til then.

I felt a bit bad because some people had us to our weddings, however I also remembered how pleased I was to be invited to any part of other weddings and that we have travelled to evening dos and stayed night a couple of times without thinking it was rude or minding.

Sounds perfect, especially with an "afterparty" the next day.

We went to a wedding a few weeks ago like this. They got married in the registry office which limited numbers for the ceremony to family.

The reception was at a pub for the registry office guests and close friends, there was a buffet about 2pm then at 7pm, when older family had gone home, other friends joined the party and there was another buffet (and huge piss up).

It was brilliant.

As long as you don't mind friends not travelling for the party go for it. You could always say, truthfully, that numbers are very limited in the registry office so most guests are invited to the party only if you feel the need.

You also don't have to have a sit down meal if you don't want. My friends just had the pub buffets and everyone had a great time.

It's fine. We went to a wedding where the Saturday was the ceremony and a meal out with family in the evening. The party for everyone else was on the Sunday night. They had finger food (done by a friend) and drinks, an old fashioned popcorn machine and an icecream station. I thought it was a little odd to do it on different days, but see the sense in it if you're on a budget or don't want the hassle of a full blown affair.

We did exactly this had just family to the day time meal and started evening at 7 - everyone came even if they had a couple of hours travelling.

We also left cake cutting until evening and had a free bar which everyone LOVED.

Tbh I always prefer the evening of a wedding- the day can be quite long and boring. It's not nice if you're 1 of about 5 just going to the evening but when it's everyone it's different.

Thanks all :)

The range of hotels who do everything for a price we're willing to pay is limited here, we're probably going to do a registry office, restaurant and then a village hall type party, lots of lovely village halls around me with views of the downs, so as long as the weather is okay it should work!

The meal is the only thing DP wants really, well, it's more that he wants Indian food, and with so many brilliant amazing Indian restaurants around us I can't disagree with that one We could get Indian food catered for everybody in the evening possibly, but that could get messy with children (one child at the wedding but the rest will be a free for all!)

We'll likely do brief speeches and cake cutting in the evening too.

We did this and it was brilliant. Have a wonderful day!

We did 4 of us for the registry office, then eat family and had lunch, then the next day we had a party for everyone else (did our own mini ceremony cake cutting etc). Worked perfectly as I was not stressed at all for the party day.

This is what we're doing next week! 30 close family and friends at registry office and meal at a nice pub, followed by a party for 100 or so at club room in the evening. Ours is on a Friday, so we felt we only wanted the close people to have to book a day off work - and everyone has the whole weekend to recover! Good luck x

Sounds absolutely fine to me, it's so hard to narrow down the guest list when you have a limit on the numbers, but many people appreciate how expensive weddings are and understand that you can't invite everyone to everything!

We did exactly this a few weeks ago, ceremony plus lunch for 35 and party for 100 + (at ours!). Worked brilliantly - recommended!